Living In The Waiting: What To Do When It's Not Your Turn with Dr. Heather Thompson Day

Being in a waiting season can be difficult. But what if it’s not your turn for breakthrough?

On today’s episode of It Starts With Attraction, Dr. Heather Thompson Day answers that question and explains the importance of knowing that even if your breakthrough doesn’t come soon, YOU are enough.

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I'll See You Tomorrow - AVAILABLE NOW!

Today's Guest: Dr. Heather Thompson Day

Dr. Heather Thompson Day is an interdenominational speaker, an ECPA bestseller, and has been a contributor for Religion News Service, Christianity Today, Newsweek and the Barna Group. She is also the host of Viral Jesus, a new podcast with Christianity Today that already has over 100k downloads.

Heather is an Associate Professor of Communication at Andrews University. She is passionate about supporting women, and runs an online community called I’m That Wife which has over 260k followers.

Heather’s writing has been featured on outlets like the Today Show, and the National Communication Association. She has been interviewed by BBC Radio Live and has been featured in an article by Forbes.

She resides in Michigan, with her husband, Seth Day, and their three children, London, Hudson, and Sawyer Day.

Resources Mentioned In This Episode:

The Work Is The Platform - Viral Jesus Podcast
I'll See You Tomorrow
It's Not Your Turn
Connect with Dr. Heather Thompson Day on Instagram


Your Host: Kimberly Beam Holmes, Expert in Self-Improvement and Relationships

Kimberly Beam Holmes has applied her master's degree in psychology for over ten years, acting as the CEO of Marriage Helper & CEO and Creator of PIES University, being a wife and mother herself, and researching how attraction affects relationships. Her videos, podcasts, and following reach over 200,000 people a month who are making changes and becoming the best they can be.

Website: www.kimberlybeamholmes.com

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Transcript

0:31

This week on it starts with attraction. Who are you? If that never comes? Who are you? And how do we start making peace with who we are. There's a process to falling in love. And it starts with attraction. Join Kimberly beam homes and our special guests as they discuss how to become the most attractive you can be physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually, or as we refer to it, working on your pies will teach you how to have better relationships and become more attracted to others, and maybe more importantly, to yourself. It starts with attraction. And it starts now. I am super excited to be joined today by Dr. Heather Thompson de I have been following her on Instagram for several months now. And she is just always putting something out there. That's encouraging that's hopeful, sometimes in things that are just funny, sharing things about her life and had to have her on the podcast, especially to talk about her first book, which we're gonna spend some time talking about, which is called it's not your turn. Heather, I am thrilled. Thank you for joining me today. Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here. Yeah, let's talk some about this first book. So it's called it's not your turn. And it's really about encouraging people who are kind of in a season of waiting. So what was it that even led you to want to write a book about this topic? How much time do we have? So there's a very distinct story actually, where this book came from, and I was not able to find a full time job. We were talking before we started recording about what I do. I'm a communication professor. And I was adjunct teaching several different places couldn't get hired full time. And I had felt like I'd done everything right. I had never taken a summer off school from 2005. And I graduated high school till I think, I don't know, I finished my PhD in like 2017. I never took a summer off. I was constantly in school, I felt like I did all the right things good GPA could not get hired. And at this exact same time, one of my best friends in the entire world who I've known since I was in third grade, her name was jewel, she called me and she said, Girl, you're not going to believe it. And I was like, what? She's like, I just got hired by NASA. And I was like, wow, you Wow, you. And I just remember that immediate, like, it felt like a punch in my gut. Because she is, by the way, who will not mind me saying this is not somebody who did everything. Right, right. And the door just opened for her. And I felt like really god like this is I would kill jewel to work at NASA, right? Like, I would kill her right now, if you would let me work at NASA. And yet, here she is. And so I just remember hearing in my head, it's not your turn. But it's hers. And so what is left to do, but to just clap for her because this is your friend. Right? And so I think in the beginning, it probably I was probably faking it, or I think two emotions can coexist at the same time, right? Like, I can be happy for you. And also sad for me, but I don't think I had language or vocabulary for that at that time. And so I just remember hanging up the phone and trying to will myself to be happy for my friend. And that started this journey for me where I would just say periodically, Heather, it's not your turn. And that's for me. I've heard people say now that the word the phrase, it's not your turn makes them sad. It might be a cultural difference, because in black culture, it's like, it's a encouraging thing. It's not your turn, but it doesn't mean your turn will come right. And so, for me, it was an encouragement, and it meant it's okay, that it's not your turn right now. It doesn't mean your turn welcome. And so I would say it to myself all the time. That's where it came from. Hmm, that's so powerful. And I wish I heard that voice more often in my head when things happen. Awesome for other people. And not for me. How? I mean, I'm sure before in life right before that, that story that happened with your friend, there were times in life where you would again, see your friends and they were had amazing things happen to them. How did you kind of get to this point where you were able to come to grips with? It's not my turn and that's okay. Like, how did how do you help your attitude change and your heart change when you're struggling with maybe jealousy or comparison or any of those things? Kimberly, let me clarify. I haven't gotten there. Right. This is a tool that I use. Still to help me get there. I have the yet, and I really truly are just talking about this with my therapist recently, I really, truly believed that I was going to get to a place. And by the time the book came out, I thought, surely you are going to be at a place where you are just always happy for other people, and it never feels like a threat to you. I have not gotten there. I went to bed. I think it was a night last week where I posted a reel, which is like so stupid. I know, this is champagne problems, but I'm just going to be honest, I posted a reel. And I could see right away, I had put a lot of time into it. And I could tell right away the numbers weren't there, right. I'm like, nobody's picking up what you're putting down right now. And I remember just like rolling over to my husband say, This is so frustrating, because I'll see somebody posts like, you know, a bikini picture of fun in the sun and 5000 likes immediately, right? And here. I've spent two hours putting together a Bible study bot and nobody cares. Are you serious? And I let myself sit in that for a second. I voiced it out loud to my husband. And then I that was that's part of my strategy now is being honest about it. Because once I name it, it doesn't have power over me anymore. Right? Like, hey, I'm feeling jealous, right? Now I've voiced it. And now what are you going to do? Heather, I'm gonna have to let it go. Right? What happens when we stop being sad about being sad? Sadness loses its power over us. It's okay. We are human beings. The goal is not for Heather or Kimberly or anybody listening to suddenly become absolutely perfect robots. It's impossible. So don't try. The goal is just to acknowledge what we're feeling and then say, okay, what are the tools that I have? That can help me get through this emotion while it's here? Because it's not going to last nothing lasts. Right? So going back to your friend calls you she gets this job at NASA, you're still unemployed? What are some of the tools that you used? In that moment? There was the it's not your turn. But what else? What else did you use to get you through that season? And then what did you do when you got a job? Like, how did you feel about when it was your turn? You know, and this is, this is again, something I'm working on. I'm gonna go back to the first part of your question. But let me just answer the second part. I am so much better, better. At like, sorrow, I am so much better at worry, I'm so much better at groveling to God than I am thanking him. My My thankful or my gratitude period is so short. And part of it is just me acknowledging that right? Like, I'm realizing, oh, oh, my goodness, I got the job now. Thank you. And I just move right into it. Yeah, but I will spend months begging and pleading, something that I did I remember this distinctly after my conversation with jewel was I went up and Googled, it's so stupid. I Googled this website that let me write a letter to God. Like send God an email, it was like literally god.com or whatever I sent God, this email, filled with all of my grievances. And was just naming the things that I felt right and said, I really thought you were going to show up for me, and I'm sitting in this space of I thought you were going to, and I don't know how I feel about you in this space. And I don't know how I feel about myself in this space. And so I'm asking, just please like, give me anything, make this right. And I hit send. And I can't remember how long it took. I know the entire process of me. Not being able to find a full time job in academia was several years, this wasn't like, and then a month later, everything changed. And it worked. It was several years. And especially like my book writing process that was like seven years that I worked with an agent before I could get published like this. These weren't quick fixes. But eventually, things change. And you wonder what I will say this. Things changed in me before they changed out there. And I hope things are still changing in me. I did all and it wasn't like an all of a sudden thing. It was a slow, gradual process. Where I started to realize, okay, you're spending all this time thinking about what you do, don't have, but what do you have? And how do you even like, I don't even think I'm seeing it? How do I see what I have right here. And that's something I'm still in the process of doing every day. Today. My prayers I my prayers used to look a lot like I need this. Give me this Okay, three months from now I have this all these future things. And today often my prayers in the morning are just and this is an intentional effort on my part to redirect my brain. It's just Okay, help me to be fully present in my own body today and in my own heart today that I can see what you are doing today. Amen. Working. You've been talking about that on Instagram too. Yeah, boy in the moment. concept like why are we working so hard to wait in experienced quote unquote Joy later? I just want to have joy. Yes, I want to be okay. If there's a day I sit on the couch and binge Netflix like, yeah, the worry and expectation always on my shoulders. Who hard to do? Get my friend bimbo called me recently, she just moved, she just got married, which I talked about in the book, that prayer of her waiting for her husband for us was about four years, they think that we were praying and fasting and nothing. She is married now. And she just moved in now. So she lost her job because she was a principal where she was now she moved to be with her husband, he's in the military. And so she's in her own season of waiting again now, but for a job. And she said to me, I'm gonna make a list of 100 things that make me happy. That way, no matter what's going on, I can look at a list of 100 things. And it's like ice cream, I can do that. I can choose happiness today. Right? And I loved that. Because it requires you to slow down and be present and realize, isn't there some if there's 100, things that make me happy? Isn't there something available to me even in this? What would you say, are kind of the top one or two, maybe even three things that you would encourage people in? When they're if they're in that season of waiting right now for whatever it might be for a job for a pregnancy for their relationship to be restored? What What would you encourage people with? Um, I think, I mean, my faith is so important to me. So for me, it is very hard to ever separate that from what I think helped me come out of despair. So whatever that looks like for you, if that's faith, if that's just meditation, whatever, that quiet still this thing that's bigger than you whatever that looks like find it? And how are you setting time aside? To invite it right into your life? I think that would be a big thing. Another thing I started asking myself that, I think is a very important question everybody should ask themselves is, who are you without this peace? Hmm? Who are you? If that never comes? Who are you? And how do we start making peace with who we are? Regardless of what comes or doesn't come right, with just what I have? How do I learn to love that person? And what does that person have to offer? And then I think the next part of that, and so I guess this is step three, is figuring out how to you put yourself in situations where you're giving the best of what you already know you have, right? So something I say about myself. If somebody was to say who is Heather, right? I know I'm always a student. At my core, I'm done with school, but I'm always a student. And so I feel most alive when I'm learning. Because I'm a student, it's at the core of who I am. So me reading books is part of my self help or self soothing process. That's what my therapist says, How do you soothe yourself? For me reading a book is how I do that. It makes me it speaks to the core of who I am. I also feel like I'm a peacemaker. Right, not necessarily Peacekeeper, but I like to meet I like to hear both sides of different people's point of views and figure out how do we bridge this? And so how do I put myself in situations where I'm actively trying to make peace with people? And for me, that looks like showing up on Instagram and posting things online. Right. So think about who you are answer that question. If I remember my my mentor asked me this question. I'm telling you I have changed because like four years ago, he said to me what is your what are your dreams? Or window? He's like, what's the vision for your life? And he said, Don't you dare name a job? And Kimberly, I'm not I literally it's gonna make me cry because it's so core. I didn't have an answer. And that was the first time that I realized what a sad life I'm building for myself. If the greatest vision for me is some type of paycheck. You know, so who are we without whatever that thing is that we're waiting on? Who may be one relationship. I say this to my students all the time, we will sit and talk about the one relationship where I can't mean they sit in my office for hours? And so you don't I can't lean there. And I say, so where can you leave? Your friends are being horrible in the dorm to you? Can you call your mom? Can you call her? Do you have a cyst? Where can you leave? And how do we start leaning into the spaces that have already been receiving us? And often we spend so much time I'm going to speak for myself, I'm talking about me. I have spent so much time looking at who wasn't accepting me that I'm not even aware of the people who are, I don't even see them. Because that's what happens when we spend a lot of our time focused on where God is going to open the door for us. Oh, my goodness, we miss the people standing behind the doors that God has called us to open. Yeah, this is a resounding a lot. You know, even when you give the examples of like the college students, I think even when you're 35 years old like it, there are still those feelings of these people aren't accepting me. And I feel it all the time. Right? Yes. And it's hard, like adult friendships hard. Yes. Yeah. And so I love I've never once thought of it the way that you just put it. I love that like, okay, but where are the people that are there? Why are their way they're there. But that's not who you're focusing on me? That's not who I'm focusing on at the moment. That's so good. So good. Okay, so it's not your turn your your first book, isn't that correct? And it released 2021? And go get it everyone listening? You can get it? Where would you prefer them? Get it? You know, wherever you feel comfortable getting it, but it's wherever books are sold. Yes, it's wherever books are sold, came out last year raving reviews, fantastic book. However, you have another book coming out. But yes, I didn't even know this. But I'm so excited. And so tell us about this book, when it's so tell us about when it's releasing. But then tell us a little bit what it's about. And I'm gonna ask you some questions. Okay, it's releasing October for it's called, I'll see you tomorrow, I actually co wrote it with my husband. It is not a marriage book. The reason I covered it with my husband is because I have a lot. I would say when I look at my life, and I say where is God's greatest blessing for me. It's in my relationships I have. I mean, I don't just have best friends, I have best friends who I trust, who have wisdom who loved me. I mean, I have such good friendships and family. And my husband is the total opposite of that. So when I say things like my field of study, hey, we need each other human beings are actually wired to be in relationship, we this isn't an option for a human being you need it. My husband says If only it was that easy. Yeah. Great for you, Heather, that it's been easy. I'm telling you, there are people who have gone through some stuff that make the process of vulnerability towards another human being when all I've done is hurt and rejected, almost feel impossible. And so I asked him to write the book with me so that we have a balance of stories, a balance of perspective, but in a culture that's constantly talking about, and I'm not saying this isn't matter, please hear me in a culture where the hot topics are boundaries, and cut them off, and people are toxic. I'm not saying those things aren't true. But what I'm saying is I think there should be a balance of but also how do I stay? How do I stay in relationship? When people really frustrate me when I don't see things the same as you? Is it possible to have a relationship with somebody where you don't see things the same? Where we don't agree at all? I one of my best friends I totally disagree with politically at a time where people will tell people tell me all the time, well, then how can you be friends with that person? You must not really believe it. Now, I just know her beyond that. She's a real human being. And and if I'm being honest, I trust her heart. I absolutely trust her heart. I would trust her to watch my children. I would trust her and her prayers over my life. Right? But we don't see things the same probably because we come from very different spaces and are reading very different books and are watching very different television. Right. So those things are true. But how do we stay in relationship with one another? I think we have to have those conversations because if we don't, my goodness, good luck. Yeah, good luck being a fully functioning human being alone. Self Reliance is a myth. This idea in Western culture that But the whole point is to make yourself it's absolutely so detrimental to the way human beings are actually wired, which is to exist in relationship with other people. I think it is a shame if we never allow anybody else to have power in our lives. And I think that's not the messaging we're getting. We're saying, No, you are the only one with power. And you're like, No, no, one of the greatest gifts is to defer the power of myself to somebody else. That's how I stay humble. Right? That's how I best live this walk of humanity and connectedness is in the deferring of my power. So how do we allow ourselves to do that wisely? Mm hmm. When you were, as you were saying this, about, you know, what, what the books about and I love, it goes back to what you were saying earlier, you want to bridge things like you want to make bridges on two different sides. So yes, I love that you wrote it with your husband. So that there's a bridge? Yes, there there. Is that there? For me. And this is a moment of vulnerability, like I think of, I'm probably more like your husband, where I'm like, people. I don't know that I trust them. Right. Like, I don't know that I've been hurt in the past. I don't know that I can trust them with who I really am. Because and it's gotten worse over the past couple of years. Because it's like, now, if, if someone doesn't accept you, it's like, you're, it's a moral deficiency. It's not just on this, it's morally something's wrong with you. And for someone like me, who already struggles with what do people think of me? And how can I show up and be my most authentic self, but also, like, I want people to like me, right, as we all do, right? And so now it's like, but what if I do, and they literally don't just reject me, but like, make moral character judgments about me for something that I believe is totally what I'm supposed to do or what I'm supposed to believe. And so it's this like, negative circle that you can get stuck in or that I can get stuck in where it's like, well, then it's easier for me to just live in my bubble, which isn't the right answer. Right, not the right answer to eliminate appeals. But it's true that it's easier. I would agree. It is easier. It is not better. It's not better. It's right. What is my therapist says what is helpful and what is unhelpful? Yeah, right? It is probably unhelpful, maybe helpful for a season or a moment or a time, but not to live the rest of my life? No, not at all. Because I still struggle with loneliness. And that's probably the number one thing over the past two years, if you were to play back the conversations I have with my husband, it's me being like, I'm lonely. I feel lonely. And it's because this is the issue like I need and I know this, I need to have more of these deep friendships, ship friendships in my life, even with people who I'm scared, they might disagree with me. I on the other hand, if I were to talk about one of my strengths, I do think I do a decent job at being that middle ground like, well, I'm like you, I love hearing both sides. But I don't necessarily trust other people will do that for me. Yes, yeah. So tell me how to fix it. Heather? I so again, I think that it's just making space for both things to be true. Right? Like they don't have to be at odds with each other. I think both things are absolutely true. And all I can do is offer two people what I would hope that they would offer to me, I of course, I can't control whether or not they do. But I can control that I will keep offering it. And at the end of the day, and this is like integrity is so important to me. At the end of the day, I just want to live a life of integrity. Knowing that the way other people may and of course, like hurt people hurt people, people are coming from their own stuff, right? It's often not even about us truly anyway, it's about when somebody says well, you are morally bankrupt first, because you don't agree with me. That's about a deep insecurity within themselves. Secure people rarely go through life talking that way. Right. That's a deep insecurity that they have. And of course, you can't fix that in one conversation. But can we exemplify what it looks like to not live that way? I think we can. Mm hmm. I think we just value the human dignity of other people. Here's a communication tip that I literally somebody was texting me, because they're going to a convention. It's somebody I met on Instagram who is single, and in her 40s looking to meet somebody and she's like, this is what makes me so anxious. I have to go to this convention and how do I how do I make people think I'm interesting? How do I meet people? How do I make the most of this opportunity? I said, Sure. Just remember in communication, it is never about convincing people that you are interesting. take that pressure off. It is always about showing people that they are interesting. And if the your mindset when you go into conversations with people is just how do I make sure this person knows that I still care about them? Right? How do I care more about the person? That how they think about me? And how do I relay that in this conversation? That's all we can control. And at the end of the day, if they still choose to reject you, that is, a judgment on their own character has nothing to do with you. Right, but how do we fully accept ourselves that we allow that to be true? Yeah. Yeah. With the college students you deal with, or the other people, the other people that you work with, and speak with and all those things that you do? How do you talk about this? How do you get people to a place of acceptance of self? What are some things that you address there or tips that you give or encouragement that you give to them? Yeah, I think, I think a very helpful practice, and communication that most people will never do, is just checking in with yourself. I think most of us don't know who we are. And that's why we look for jobs and relationships to answer the question for us. And so spent, I here's my advice would be to spend time in your day, if it's the last 10 minutes, I make my students do this. And i i So, listener, I want you to do this, when when we're done with this call. I want you to put your hand over your heart, and even just acknowledge yourself as a person. If it's if it's nighttime, you say, Good night, Heather. I just wanted to acknowledge you today. How are you feeling? Right? If it's morning, good morning, Heather. I just want to acknowledge you today. How are you feeling? Acknowledging that you yourself are a human being I'm telling you, you will weep. If you've never done it, the first time you do it, you put your hand on your heart and you say your own name and ask yourself a question. It is like this weird experience. Because we go through life constantly spending our energy out there. And not ever thinking about what's happening in here. But I would say what happens out there is always an overflow of what's happening in here. And that's why what's happening in here within ourselves, matters. Spend time in the morning. And that's why for me, I say that looks like a spiritual practice of getting up early in the morning, I get up at like, 5am. I have worship, I sit in total silence and just let myself think, listen to my own thoughts. Right? Just put time into your day to acknowledge who you are as a person and start by just simply asking yourself, How are you feeling today? What's going well? What are you sad about? And I would lead to the question of who are you without job title relationship? Who are you as a person if everything else was to go away? start being able to answer those questions, and I'm telling you, the overflow is going to be so rich into what you're then able to bring into other people's lives. Mm hmm. I was gonna ask right before you said that I was gonna say and how do you think that affects our relationships and the way that we show up in those relationships? Oh, man, I think I really I just said this the other day. And of course, I got DMS that people are getting really mad at me. Because people get mad about anything. But I really think we have to learn how to love ourselves. I think true love towards other people does have to come from a secure place within ourselves. Or else it's very easily, or else it's always respondent or reactionary to how you treat me, right. But when I'm fully at peace within who I am. Even if I'm not at peace with you, I can still value you. Because I just feel secure in me. All the things about you aren't threatening me, because I know who I am. So spending that time if you're not in therapy, I highly recommend therapy. It's been so good for me. And I was somebody who said I don't need a therapist, because I have so many great friends and they I talked with them. Well, there's just things my therapist asked me that my friends have never asked me, right, which doesn't stop that. They're great friends. There's they're just trained to have really good conversations with you. So I really recommend spending time in therapy I really recommend for me it looks like writing, writing down thoughts keeping a journal keeping track of my own feelings make time for you. Huh, well, my here's another thing my therapist said to me that it's so helpful. After you do whatever activity that we call self care, self care. Does that thing make you feel better or worse? And I was saying things were self care that actually made me feel worse. Right? I would say, well, it's self care. So I'm going to watch an entire season of Survivor in one day on the couch. If this is true, and I'd be like, Well, I'm taking care of myself, but then afterwards, Emily, I felt worse. And so now I say, okay, Heather, self care, what will make you feel better? And sometimes it's not the thing I actually want to do, right? Sometimes I know I'll feel better if I go on a run. I know it. I don't want to go on a run. I don't. But I know I'll feel better if I do. And so that is self care. Right? I don't always want to go visit my grandma in the assisted living home. Not that I don't love her. But I am busy. But I can tell you something. I have never regretted it. Every time I leave my grandma's assisted living home, I feel better about who I am. Right? It feels more true to me. So how are we taking time to do the things that will make you feel better afterwards? We have to make time and space for that. That's part of loving yourself. That's so good. So good. And such a good word for people. Even thinking of myself, like, especially the past couple months, I've just been so busy. Yes, at the end of each day, I am drained. I am drained. And what could it look like? So as you're talking, I'm thinking, what could it look like for me to start just intentionally putting times in my day for self care? And then doing these things that are more life giving, like going and spent going and having lunch with my mom going and seeing my sister? For a little bit? Right? Like, right now? I would say I don't have time for that. Right? But there's gonna come a day where it's going to be like, I would have done anything in the world to have time for that. Yeah. And can I say put it in your calendar, the best thing I started doing was actually putting it in my calendar. Because if I don't put it in my calendar, blocking out the one hour or the two hours, whatever, I will fill it with work. Right, right. Because if I if I see it in the calendar, when somebody says, Can you do this, and I see that it's open, I'll be like, Okay, I'll do it. But if I see in the calendar that it's blocked, I'm visual, maybe it's just me when I see no Heather is blocked for these two hours self care when our self care Heather's going on a run, I won't schedule it. So actually put it into your calendar if you want to actually put it into your life. Yes, I love that. I'm like that, too. I've run my life by my calendar. Yes, yes. Or worse, it's there. So use it to your advantage, not just for other people to take hold of it. That's so good. So you're this new book is coming out at the time of this episode release either the day of or maybe the week before. I love what you do. I love the message of hope that you give to people I really do. So as as we wrap up, I encourage all of our listeners to go get it's not your turn and go get I'll see you tomorrow. Now why is it called? I'll see you tomorrow. So I watched during COVID I watched the basketball series with Michael Jordan. And there's this moment in there where the last dance there's this moment where the bowls they make their first playoffs against Orlando Magic and they lose. And everybody's walking off the court. And the trainer says to Jordan, hey, just let me know when I'll see you because the season's over. It's done. And Jordan looks at him and goes, I'll see you tomorrow. The idea is that when everybody else went home the reason Michael Jordan is Michael Jordan is because he always went back to he didn't see it as a singular game. He saw it as a perpetual season. And I want us to see our relationships not as a singular incident or a singular game. But how do we stay in a perpetual season of saying to people, I'll see you I need some space. I'm going to I'm going to reflect on what you just did. And said, I need some space. But I'll see you tomorrow. I'm not going anywhere. I'm still in the relationship. This beautiful. Thank you so much. I'm so excited about it. That's really beautiful. Yeah. And just even thinking about, like, how we so desire to know that someone's committed to us. Right? Yeah. And to be able to have that that conversation of like, I'm gonna come back to you. Yeah. Are you happy now, but stay secure in the fact that I'm not leaving you. I'm not abandoning you. Yes, you tomorrow. Yes. Oh, that's beautiful. I love that. So both books, it's not your turn, or I'll see you tomorrow. Go get them. And then also, as I've talked about, Heather has an awesome Instagram, tell our followers where they can find you on Instagram or any other places that you'd like to share? Instagram is Heather Thompson de and I have a podcast called viral Jesus that I do with Christianity today to have a podcast called viral Jesus. Yes, I am so glad that you brought that up. And the main things that you talked about I think this is so fascinating because the main things you talked about on that podcast is kind of how to use like this social media space like internet type space to really like further I don't know if I would say further your faith, but like it's furthering the Christian walk. How would how where did this come from? Like, how did you decide to do this? And, and what are you seeing from it and the conversations you're having? And all of those things? Yeah, I just I had this is years ago, I just remember I used to say, Oh, um, I want to get a tattoo that says, promote God, not self. And so then when the opportunity presented itself to do a podcast with Christianity Today, I knew exactly what I wanted to do, which is promote God and not myself. And what does it look like to just believe in something so much bigger than you? And what would it look like if we stopped pointing using our social medias to stop pointing to all the awesome things about us, but about something that people can actually have within their own lives? Right? Because you can't take Heather, but you can take him with you wherever you go, He will never leave you or forsake you. What a gift. And so how do we remember who's actually in control? I just did a real about this yesterday, because this is my new mantra that I keep saying, I lived most of my life, saying, I have God. And I realized now No, it is God who has me. It is God who has me and so how out so I can't control where God goes or who else God has. And so how do I make sure that I'm at least doing my my due diligence as a person to co labor with him and let people know that what's available to them as well? So good. What's your favorite one of your favorite episode? You've done on barrel? Jesus? Oh, I think my I owe that I hope nobody that is listening to I don't want to offend anybody. But my I think one of my best conversations was with Karen swallow prior, who is a phenomenal thinker, she is just what and I don't agree with Karen, on quite a few issues. But she is wise I so value and respect your opinion. I know she's not just saying things to say it, she has come to a place where she's really research and study. We did an episode called Oh, I'm now I'm forgetting the name. It's it's it's about how the platform is not the work. And it's so, so good. She says be weary of people whose all their work is their social media. Because that should never be that that should be an outflow of your work. But you should be doing real work with real people in real life. Right. So good. Right? Yes, it's a two. I think it's two parts. I see it on here. I just the title. The work is the platform, part one and two. Oh, the work is so I did say right. The work is it. will link to that for everyone in the show notes. Oh, I appreciate that. Thank you. Yeah. Well, I just love promoting the things that I one of the things I love about podcasts. And I'm sure you do too, is I get to have conversations with really awesome people. And I just feel like I learned I feel like, honestly, I feel like I do this podcast for me more than anyone else. And they're just don't know what you mean. Doesn't it restore your faith? And you may I will always I'll be online. And I'll be like, people are horrible, because I'll see people dunking on people on Twitter. And then I'll sit down with somebody on a podcast, and I'm like, Oh, my goodness, there's so many wise, deep, loving good people. Where are we leaning? Friends? Where are we leaning? Where are we leaning? Well, Heather, thank you so much for your time, we'll include the links to all the things we mentioned, your books, your podcast, in the show notes, and as well as your Instagram, but more than anything, thank you for this dedicated work that you have in just putting encouragement and hope and truth, and all of the good things out there for people to take hold of, I really appreciate what you're doing. Thank you so much for having me. Here are my key takeaways from today's conversation. We talked about so many different things. And honestly, I want to just go back and listen to parts of this podcast all over again, because there were so many key nuggets. And I tried to write down some of my favorite as we were going. One of the first ones that I loved so much was this idea of having a list of things that bring you joy. When I was in middle school, me and my girlfriends, we had this book that we called the happy thoughts book. And it was just a composition notebook that we filled with happy thoughts. And we would pass it from person to person. And we would clip out pictures from magazines and ModPodge on the front of it. And so we decorated it and then we would just take time during school, we would pass it back and forth during school. And I would write down like 100 things that I that I believed gave me happy thoughts and then my friend Leah would do it and she would put down 50 things that gave her happy thoughts and we would just pass it around a group of us and it was so fun to be able to look back through that book in seventh grade, and of course, it was funny things like, boys with long brown hair, or blue eyes or popcorn in movies, right? Like, just the things that made us happy. And how much more important is it for us to focus on those happy things, even now, I actually may make it a point this month to do a happy thoughts book with my family, me and the kids, my husband, just buy a composition notebook and start writing down some happy thoughts. And maybe it's something we should add to every couple of months or every year, you know, definitely present this as an option of some fun family things for us to do. The other thing I love about what we talked about the second key takeaway is really take that time of silence, whether you spend that with God and prayer and worship and Bible reading, whether you spend it meditating, whatever you do, I know that for me more than ever, in my life, right now, I am just craving this time of silence, there's so much happening. And I know that I need to get more grounded in who I am, and who I am called to be, before I face the world on a day to day basis, before I check my email before I look at social media, before I enter into a meeting, because I don't want those other people to speak into who I am, I want that to come from. For me, I want that to come from who God wants me to be in this calling me to be for you. Maybe that's the same or maybe you just know you need it to come from you and and your inner self of what you are wanting who you believe you are and who you are called to be in the purpose that you have believe every single one of us has that. So number two is take that time to spend with God. And number three, this question is just fantastic. When you're in the season of waiting, or you're in a season of frustration in a relationship, asking yourself, Who am I without this thing that I'm waiting for? And where are other places in my life that I can lean on? But that first part, who am I without this? Because you're someone you're worthy, you're good enough, without the thing you're waiting for right now. Your relationships aren't what makes you whole your job isn't what makes you worthy, your finances your success, whatever that is, that's not going to bring you the joy and contentment. Who are you? And who are you made to be without the thing you're waiting for? How can we remove some of the hold that it has on our life and in our minds? And then my bonus key takeaway from today's episode was when Heather was talking about this relational resilience, and this concept of how can I love you, even when you may not be showing that same kind of love to me. How can I show up with integrity of who I know I'm supposed to be and the way I'm supposed to treat you even if I'm scared. I'm not gonna get that back. It's a great thing to remember on a day to day basis. Until next week, stay strong