It Starts With Attraction
Revealing secrets on how to become the most attractive you can be Physically, Intellectually, Emotionally and Spiritually (or as us insiders call it...the PIES). Listen to weekly episodes. Join a course or get more info at kimberlybeamholmes.com
It Starts With Attraction
Breaking Free from Negative Thinking, Unlocking Better Sleep, and Thriving in Male Dominated Spaces - AMA
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Ever found yourself stuck in a cycle of negative self-talk? In this episode, I recount my journey of returning to CrossFit, shifting my mindset from competition to personal growth, and the profound impact it had on my self-esteem. By focusing on self-awareness and integrating positive affirmations, you too can break free from the constraints of negativity and celebrate your own progress. This episode provides actionable insights on fostering self-compassion and celebrating small victories, essential for enhancing performance in all aspects of life.
Are you tired of waking up groggy and irritable? Learn the secrets to transforming your sleep routine with practical tips and personal anecdotes. In this episode we also share proven strategies such as avoiding screens before bed, creating a calming pre-sleep ritual, and optimizing your sleep environment. Plus, discover how a well-crafted morning routine can set you up for nighttime success, helping you wake up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the day.
Women navigating male-dominated spaces face unique challenges, and in this episode, we tackle these head-on. Hear about my experiences of exclusion and learn the importance of authenticity and leveraging unique strengths. We highlight the necessity of greater awareness among men and the power of supportive professional networks for women. Additionally, we explore the significance of understanding your deeper motivations to maintain long-term fitness goals, inspired by a compelling conversation with Mike Foster. Tune in for a thought-provoking discussion that will leave you feeling empowered and equipped to handle whatever comes your way.
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Your Host: Kimberly Beam Holmes, Expert in Self-Improvement and Relationships
Kimberly Beam Holmes has applied her master's degree in psychology for over ten years, acting as the CEO of Marriage Helper & CEO and Creator of PIES University, being a wife and mother herself, and researching how attraction affects relationships. Her videos, podcasts, and following reach over 500,000 people a month who are making changes and becoming the best they can be.
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On today's episode of it Starts With Attraction. We are going to be answering your questions that you have submitted on today's Ask Me Anything with Kimberly Beam-Holm. Hello. Thanks for joining us. Kimberly, it is. I guess it's your podcast.
Speaker 3:It's good to be here. It's good to still be on my podcast.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that is a pretty important thing for you to still be on your podcast Very much. Let's say, we jump right in, let's do it. All right, first question that we have what do I do if I can't?
Speaker 3:sleep Such a great question and, as you know, and probably many of the listeners, I love talking about sleep. I love sleeping, I love getting good sleep, but it hasn't always been that way. There have definitely been several years of my life where I have struggled with either going to sleep or waking up in the middle of the night and having insomnia and going back to sleep. So I'll start with the first one. If you're struggling with going to sleep, the standard recommendation is going to be don't just stay laying in bed, get up out of bed and go do something Now. Don't go clean the house, don't go turn all the lights on, and maybe even don't go and turn on a movie Definitely not the news, and please don't touch your phone. What you really want to do is get up, maybe turn on a low light in your living room or whatever area of your house you can go into and do something calming. Maybe it's journaling which can help you, if you're having racing thoughts or a lot of thoughts or anxious thoughts, to get some of those thoughts on paper and work through them. Or maybe you pick up a book and read it, maybe a fiction or a nonfiction book. What you're really looking to do here is to do something that's going to get your mind calmed down, not riled up. Now you could watch something on TV, but there's a couple of things that you want to consider. Number one is exposure to blue light and number two is continuing to keep your mind super engaged with something. So I cannot sit here and say that when I've had problems going to sleep, that I never turn on the TV, but I will. My TV has a dimmer on it, so I will turn it down to where it's not as light. Sometimes I will go straight to a certain app on my phone, like the Max app or the Peacock app, and go straight to friends or the office, something more funny, something lighthearted that I've seen before and that I can kind of play in the background as I fall asleep. If it's something new or if it's a very suspenseful type of show or movie that you want to stay engaged in. That's just going to keep your brain very active and alert.
Speaker 3:But again, you also want to be mindful of the blue light exposure here. So, ideally, start with reading, start with journaling or just turn something on, and maybe you don't even look at it on your phone. I've done that several times I'll turn on friends and then just put it face down to where I can hear it. So it kind of keeps my mind away from racing thoughts and things like that, but it allows me to hear it and then I can kind of doze off to sleep a little bit better. But the key here is you don't want to stay in bed.
Speaker 3:Now I won't get into this whole thing here, but of course one of the best ways that you can go to sleep well at night and get better sleep through the night starts with what you do in the morning. So waking up, going outside, going for a walk, getting some of that morning sunlight, begins the process of your body creating ultimately what will end up at the end of the day being melatonin. But that actually starts by seeing sunlight early in the day and starts that whole mechanism in our body that ends up creating melatonin. Doing workouts, getting exercise throughout the day continued exposure to sunlight throughout the day can help with that as well. So just really be mindful of what are you doing through your day. And then what are you doing before you go to bed? That may be anxiety producing. Are you catching up on work, emails, right until your head hits the pillow? Are you constantly thinking of the things that you have to do? Are you doing something extremely stressful, like waiting until right before bed to have a difficult conversation with your husband or with your mom or with a friend? You should do those things earlier in the day, because the closer you get to bedtime, the more you want to allow yourself to wind down.
Speaker 3:Now, what if you wake up in the middle of the night and you can't go back to sleep? Well, you can use similar tips, the same tips, actually, that we said at the very beginning Get out of bed. If you find yourself continuing to just lay there for over 20 minutes, go ahead and get out of bed. Go out into the living room, turn on a low light especially not one that's like a super bright white light, but more of that amber, yellowish color light I've replaced every light bulb in my entire house with that color light for this reason and do some journaling, do some reading or another thing that you can do. It always helps me.
Speaker 3:Now I will say this it always helps me. If I wake up in the middle of the night and realize it's going to be a struggle to get back to sleep, I will get out of bed and I will go. It's actually because I'm hot and so it's very hard for me to go back to sleep when I continue to be hot. So when I go into a bigger room in my house that has more airflow, that allows me to cool down more and it allows me to go back to sleep quicker. I also have a chili pad on my bed for this reason. The chili pad runs cold water. It's kind of like a pad that you put on top of your mattress and it runs cool water through that pad. That can keep you cool. But because my bedroom we sleep with our door closed. My husband's sleeping in there with me, we have an air purifier going. There's just a lot of movement and breath. That's happening in that room every night. It just gets hot.
Speaker 3:And I will say this is something even more recent, where I was listening to a podcast with Dr Andy Galpin and he was talking about carbon dioxide buildup, not like to the amount of what you could detect in a home or anything like that, but if you're in a closed room at night that you sleep in and there's other people in there, like your husband, or if there's an animal, or if you have a child that sleeps in your room for whatever reason, then all of those people are breathing out carbon dioxide.
Speaker 3:And if there's, and if the door is shut, then you, if you're carbon dioxide sensitive which I don't know that I am or not, but I have a hypothesis that I am and I'll tell you why in a minute then it can actually disrupt your sleep and you wouldn't even really realize that's why.
Speaker 3:So, after we heard this episode, one of the recommendations that he made was to either sleep with the bedroom door open or open up a window. Well, as of the time of filming this, it's spring, so it's very cool outside at night. So we've been opening up our bedroom window before we go to sleep, which not only helps the room to get cool, which helps people to sleep, but it continues to allow fresh air to come in and there is not as much of a buildup of just the exhale of carbon dioxide that people have. And we have slept for the past week and a half now like babies, like we have gotten some really great sleep. So I would even recommend that if you find yourself consistently waking up and you have devices that you're running in your room, like air purifiers or multiple people or animals sleeping in your room. You may want to crack a window and see if that helps with your sleep as well.
Speaker 1:All right. Next question. Okay. How do I change the self-talk in my head?
Speaker 3:Very intentionally. So our brains create habit loops. It's how we learn and it's how our brain kind of keeps itself efficient, and so one of the habit loops that we can create is the way that we talk to ourselves, and so it may be that for you I don't know what it is for each and every one of you but maybe one of the things that you have rolling in your head is something you've heard someone tell you from your past. Maybe it's I'm not good enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm so stupid. Why would I do that? Why can't I be better? I mean, the list is unending. It doesn't really matter what it is that you're saying to yourself in your head. The first key here is becoming aware of the fact that you are saying negative things to yourself in your head. Awareness is the first step in breaking any type of habit loop. So the awareness of beginning to sense when you and maybe you aren't having that exact thought in your head of I'm not good enough, but you begin to have these feelings and these emotions that drive this negative outcome from you. Let me, let me kind of put it this way so, uh, as of today and Jason might laugh, because we were all just laughing at me earlier, because today I decided to try CrossFit again.
Speaker 3:I used to do CrossFit a lot about 10 years ago and one of the things that I loved about CrossFit 10 years ago was the competitive nature of it. I'm a very competitive person. I love to win, but that negative self-talk that can happen that propels me to win are things such as you're not good enough. You need to show yourself that you're good enough and that you have worth. These are some of those negative self-talks that just show up, and I may not be consciously thinking that that's what I'm saying to myself, but I remember 10 years ago I would enter into a CrossFit box and I would just have this like weight on my chest. It felt like just like this pressure on my chest and shoulders of I have to perform and if I don't perform today then I'm not. Like that wasn't an option. I have to perform, and if I don't perform today then I'm not like I. That wasn't an option, I have to, and so it wasn't even necessarily always a conscious thought. It was just kind of this weight and feeling of expectation in my body and on myself as I would enter into certain situations like that which then, if I ended up not doing well or if someone else did better than me, it wasn't like I left CrossFit that day thinking anything good about myself, but instead it was man, I've got to get back tomorrow and I have to do better.
Speaker 3:It was a negative self-talk. Even though I may not have been aware of that on the front end, it actually wasn't until last year and I've been working out 15 years it wasn't until last year that I participated in my first ever fitness competition that it really became clear to me that I had a lot of negative self-talk, especially in the arena of fitness, because I did not do well in this fitness competition and it demolished my self esteem For a good week. I was not okay, I was not in a good place. So I spent the past year really trying to change that and to change that narrative in my head and to be aware of the times that I feel that weight of expectation on myself and to give myself grace and to start telling myself I am strong, I'm going to do the best thing for me today, I'm going to show up for myself and really focusing on that being the self-talk in my head. Now, this is just one example.
Speaker 3:There's many areas of our life where we have areas of self-talk. In some areas of your life you may feel really confident and really composed and you may have some great things that you say about yourself to yourself in those situations. But there may be other areas where you're struggling. Maybe at work you're doing well, or at home you're really struggling, or in your marriage, or wherever it might be. But the goal is to just become aware.
Speaker 3:So then, today I decided to go back and try CrossFit again and I was very nervous going into it, because I remember how I used to feel. I remember the self-talk I used to say to myself and when I wouldn't do well, how terrible it would feel. But there was something different about today, and I believe this shows growth. Today I wasn't looking at what anyone else was doing. The old me would have been finding and I actually did. I know who I would have competed with if I was competing today. But the old me would have found the person doing the highest weight, doing the maximum sets, and saying that's the person I'm going to beat today. I didn't do that Today.
Speaker 3:I went in, there were multiple options on the board and I said you know what I'm going to go for? This very middle one. I'm not going to try and be crazy, but I know that I'm capable of doing this, and so I'm just going to do this and I'm going to see how I do today. This is just for me, and I was just in the zone the entire time only focused on me. I literally couldn't tell you what anyone else's times were for anything, because ultimately I wasn't paying attention to them, and at the end of it I was able to look at my performance only against myself and at the end say I'm really proud of me, I feel strong, I feel great. I left there feeling pretty much on top of the world, which is when I came into the office and started talking about how much I loved CrossFit today. And it wasn't even because I won, it was because I realized today I have grown in that specific area.
Speaker 3:Now there are many other areas of my life, and I'm sure yours as well, that you need to start identifying this negative self-talk and replacing it. Not just replacing it with positive self-talk, which is an important part, but realizing where is this negative self-talk coming from and how can I begin to show myself self-love and self-compassion, even when I'm not to the level I want to be yet, but realizing all of the good things about me that I know are going to help me get there over time. No one, not even children, respond to negativity. Negativity just leads to shame. It leads to staying stuck. Whereas praise, encouragement, belief in others, optimism these are the things that help people grow and move forward, we need to show ourselves those exact same things.
Speaker 1:You really were on top of the world when you came into the office, weren't you? I was wasn't I.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and you all tried to make fun of me, but I just stood my ground.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's not true. We were not trying to make fun of you. It's just that when, specifically when I walked in, I walked past the table and you were just sitting there like, hmm, just so happy I felt so good. Well, there you go, there you go. Fell in love with CrossFit.
Speaker 3:I fell in love with myself.
Speaker 1:There you go, next question. Moving on yeah. What are some of your favorite books that you've read either recently or just of all time?
Speaker 3:I mean, of all time, it has to be the Bible, right, I can't. Who would not say that I mean? I mean I mean it has to be. Actually, I really do think of all time is a very difficult question and I don't know what book I would probably rate. I don't know what book I would remember as much as I remember the Bible, but here are some ones that I can remember from recently that have been really amazing.
Speaker 3:Dr Judson Brewer has written two books. Both have a similar concept in them, but they both talk about two different subjects. One is called Unwinding Anxiety. It's about identifying the habit loops that keep anxiety occurring in our bodies and in our minds. Great book In a similar vein talking about habit loops is the book the Hunger Habit, which I'm in the middle of right now. Another great book talking about how to shift our reactions and actions and habits around food, to go from emotional eating, stress eating, bored eating, to mindful eating. So both of those books have been amazing.
Speaker 3:As far as business books, the books by Jim Collins good to great and great by choice have been amazing books that I have absolutely loved reading. And then there, um, currently I'm reading a book called the soul, no, the soul of shame. The soul of shame. I believe that's right. The soul of shame by Dr Kurt Thompson. I hope to have him on the podcast in the future because this has been another incredible book. I'm only like a third of the way done with this book, and the reason that I've really loved this book is because I never identified with the word shame and to an extent, I still don't know that I do, but I can absolutely identify with some of the descriptions and definitions of shame, such as fearing that I'm going to be a disappointment or feeling overwhelmed to live up to the expectations of the current moment. Those are things that have been defined in this book as some of the ways that shame can present itself, and so this book has been. It's an intentional read on my part, um, to just kind of go deeper into some of the things from my past that I'm still trying to work through, and it's been really eye-opening and hope-filled, even only a third of the way into it, so it's already something that I would highly recommend for people to read. And then I'm trying to think I mean, I've read so many great books, this one's so random Delete that by John Crist was really good. It was not only funny but he was really open in it about his recent you know, a couple of years ago going to rehab, taking time off, work, working to get in a healthier space, that similar vein.
Speaker 3:Matthew Perry, rest in peace. His friends, lovers and the the big oh, what is it? It's friends, lovers and the things we don't talk about, or something like that. But his biography at this point, his autobiography when he read it or when he wrote it um, such an amazing, such an amazing book.
Speaker 3:And one of the things I loved about that book was how he was so open about his addictions and his struggle with addiction for the majority of his lifetime, about how many of it came. Many of those addictions came from his parents' divorce and, ultimately, how he sought fame, women, approval of others, laughter of others as a way to fill many of the holes that he had in his life. And one of the things that he said in the book was that he got everything that he had ever wanted, but the problem was that he wanted all of the wrong things. I thought, gosh like how many of us are chasing fame and fortune and success and we may get what we want and ultimately end up realizing that it's not what we ever really wanted. Those are the top ones that come to my head right now that I would highly recommend.
Speaker 1:The name of that book, by the way, is Friends, Lovers and the Big, Terrible Thing.
Speaker 3:And of course you'd have to do the audio version. He reads the audio book.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, you'd have to do that. Yeah, so good. Next question this might get you a little riled up, but I think it's something that's pretty important to cover and it's a pretty important topic. So, as a female CEO, how do you navigate a male dominated environment?
Speaker 3:with grace. Yes, only 2% of female business owners end up having a business over a million dollars in revenue. We are there are more male CEOs with the name of John than there are female CEOs, period. These are just some of the statistics of how difficult it can be to be a woman in leadership and to be a woman in a CEO position or a business owner or a female entrepreneur. Even more difficult is that at times there are the good old boys clubs that, as a woman, I will never get into. I have been told on occasions that I can't sit at a table because I'm a woman, and you know it sucks. The bottom line of it is that it sucks At the same time.
Speaker 3:I believe that men and women can work really well together and I really don't believe that women have to be held back because of their gender.
Speaker 3:And I don't believe that every man is like this. I don't believe that every man looks at a female CEO or a female business owner and says that she's not equal or that she's not good enough. I really don't. I really just believe that it can be difficult for men when they're used to doing business with other men and going out for late night drinks, doing business on the golf course, things that men typically do, that a woman may not feel comfortable doing or that a woman shouldn't do, because, as a female CEO, I'm not going to drinks with a man that I'm not married to after I mean probably at any time, but definitely not for dinner, right? Those are just things I'm not going to do, and so I don't think that the majority of the time the system is set up for women CEOs to fail. I just believe it's a great opportunity for women to show up boldly in our own skin to change the way that the current system is. So it looks like. I mean, what was the original question?
Speaker 1:before I go off on a soapbox, how do you navigate a male dominated environment?
Speaker 3:Yeah, how do I net? It's not by. It's not by coming in and trying to control the conversation and it's not by coming in and trying to be like a man. Women are amazing and much of the research out there I mean women are amazing in general, but women are amazing specifically in leadership roles, and that's not just my own opinion. Research is indicating that women tend to have stronger team environments. They tend to be stronger leaders because there's just a different environment that women tend to create. They tend to create a more nurturing, beneficial, mutually beneficial environment, tend to care deeply about what people think on their team. They just tend to lead in a different way and it doesn't make women better than men and it doesn't make men better than women. It means that we each have our gifts, that we can uniquely work together to create some amazing environments, so it doesn't do any good. Nor do I want to try and come in and say that men all need to change and they need to be different.
Speaker 3:I do believe there are opportunities where men can have some greater awareness to how certain things affect their female CEO peers and how it might come across to them. I mean, case in point I was at a business dinner with eight other people in a mastermind group that I'm a part of a couple of weeks ago and, as usual, I was the only woman, which is very common in what I do and so seven men and me just all having dinner at the mastermind the man who runs the mastermind we were all at his home. It was a beautiful dinner. The guy sitting next to me was telling about his business, telling about some of the struggles he was going through. He just kept saying the word guys, you guys, what do you guys do when guys experience this? Because he doesn't have many like he doesn't know many women who are CEOs.
Speaker 3:Now I will say he did turn and look at me and he said I'm so sorry, I don't just mean guys.
Speaker 3:And I said I'm not offended, I understand what you mean and I think, even something that simple there might be some women who hear that and they get really boiled up and they kind of put their, put their hands up and they say it's not just guys, it's also women, and I don't think that does any good in crossing the divide and doing better to work together.
Speaker 3:And so I do believe there's opportunities for women to speak up boldly, for themselves, to be confident in the choices that they make and that they believe are the right thing to do, but also to not try and just emulate a man. We are women for a reason and we have our own God-given gifts and ways that we lead that are beautiful and that are needed. So my top tips Be who you are, authentically and boldly, ask for and pursue what you believe is the right thing to do, and find ways to connect in a positive way with your female and male CEO peers or business owner peers. As much as we want to talk about men and how men can like, try and hold women back, I believe it can be just as true that women can get jealous of other women and try and hold them back. So all of us should just work together to help each other build the businesses and the change that we're all hoping to create in the world.
Speaker 1:That is a great answer.
Speaker 3:Oh, are you just saying that because I'm a one and your and your boss, no ouch first, ouch no.
Speaker 1:That was a great answer oh genuinely. Next question this might be a really hard one for you to answer, not because it's like super deep or anything Okay, but if you had to pick one episode of it starts with attraction for people to listen to for the rest of their lives, like if there was just if there was one episode, I mean maybe not for the rest of their lives on repeat.
Speaker 1:That sounds like on repeat every day? No, if you had to pick one episode of it starts with attraction for people to listen to which one would it be?
Speaker 3:This is a very hard question and I just went through 199 episodes and there have been some amazing conversations that I've had with people. There have been some really difficult episodes that I've even personally recorded, where I share, like different things that either I was struggling with or hope that I found in certain situations and this may be a bit of a recency bias and I still am even stuck between two that I'm currently thinking of.
Speaker 1:Can I give two no? Oh no, you have to give one no.
Speaker 3:Oh gosh, this is a strong toss up, but I would probably, oh gosh, repeat the question, just one that they have to listen to, not on repeat. Not on repeat, but if I could choose one for every person to listen to.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:It would be my recent one with Ian Simpkins.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was a really good one.
Speaker 3:Whatever the title of it is, the most recent episode I did with Ian Simpkins would probably be the one I would choose.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because at the time of recording it hasn't been released yet. Yeah, but yeah, that's a really good episode. What was your other one? I'm going to let you have two. The close second is the one with Luke Lefevre about journaling and slowing down, also a really good one.
Speaker 3:What is yours?
Speaker 1:Mike Foster.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:I loved the episode with Mike Foster.
Speaker 3:That was a really good episode. Yeah, it was a lot of at least for me it was a lot of like self-reflection. Yeah, that's in my top five. Yeah for sure. I even thought about that episode earlier this week and thought I don't know if successful is the right word, is the was the right one for me, although we went through I mean, we went through it, we went through it on the podcast. He tried to and you also took the test, I did, I still don't know through it.
Speaker 1:We went through it on the podcast.
Speaker 3:You tried to identify me and you also took the test I did. I still don't know that it's right. I don't know.
Speaker 1:What did you love about that episode, though? For me personally, it gave like a why into how I think, how I sometimes behave, but more more of how I think and how I see myself. And because my primal question is do I have purpose? And when I originally took the test and saw that I was like, oh my gosh, like it makes so much sense because I I find a lot of value in feeling like I have purpose and I also really enjoy trying to make sure other people feel like they have purpose as well. And when he was, when he was going through and saying that like your primal question is also your, like your primal gift. Basically, whatever your primal question is, you know how to give that to other people. Yeah, I was like, oh my gosh, it makes so much sense. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So yeah, that was. That was my reasoning for liking that episode so much.
Speaker 3:I love that. Do you feel like you have purpose?
Speaker 1:I do, yeah, absolutely, especially here, for sure.
Speaker 3:That's good.
Speaker 1:Okay, we've got one more question. One more. That is kind of a two-parter and it's about pies. Okay, is it common to be bad at working on your pies? I start off doing well for about a week or two and I skip a day and find it hard to restart. Is that common, and how do I maintain improvement of my pies over a long period of time?
Speaker 3:So first of all, I would say I would encourage you to word it differently from is it? How did you say it? Is it bad, is it?
Speaker 1:Is it common to be bad at working on your pies? Is it common to be?
Speaker 3:bad at working on your pies. Okay, so shift how you ask it and remove the word bad.
Speaker 1:You want me to re-ask it?
Speaker 3:And I want you to take away the word bad.
Speaker 1:Is it common to not be great at working on your pies.
Speaker 3:Is it common to struggle?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Is it common to not be consistent? Yeah, see, like I even think the way that we again this is self-talk. Yeah, right, here, this is self-talk. Bad at this, I'm not great at this. It's not that you're bad or not great at it. Yeah, what is it specifically You're finding it difficult to stay consistent? Yeah, that makes it not a part of you. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, I would say absolutely that is common and you are not alone and there is always hope.
Speaker 1:Okay, obviously, the people realize that this is a question that I asked. It wasn't a question that was submitted at this point. How do I maintain improvement over my pies over a long period of time? How do I keep up that consistency?
Speaker 3:So what do you think is causing the inconsistency right now?
Speaker 1:Uh, I don't know, it's just a. I mean, it's a myriad of of reasons. There's like random things can come up and I'll. It's mainly for me, it's my physical part of attraction. So, going to the gym, I'll start off and this is. This has been my struggle for most of my life, barring like a like a year or two of my life in college. I'll start off really strong for a week or two and then like, randomly, I'll either miss a day or I'll like okay, recent, this most recent time.
Speaker 1:I hurt my back and was like, okay, I'll take a couple of days off to kind of let my back heal. And a couple of days has now turned into like a month and like I I don't know like how I want to go back to the gym, but I also like have no motivation to to do so. So how do I, in those moments where, like, maybe I do miss a day, which is okay. It's okay to miss a day yeah, because we've already talked about in the, about that in the uh one of the episodes we've already recorded. It's the about that in the uh one of the episodes that we've already recorded it's okay to miss a day. But how do I pick back up? How do I get that motivation back to keep going?
Speaker 3:So why? What is your why when it comes to the physical part of attraction?
Speaker 1:Well, I mean I want to. I want to lose weight and I want to be in much better shape. That's I mean, that's my why. Why. Because I I'm overweight and I'm not in good shape.
Speaker 3:But why do you want to be in good shape? For what reason?
Speaker 1:Because I know it'll make me feel better. I'll I'll sleep better, I'll perform better at work, be in better moods. Am I kind of talking myself into? Are you trying to get me to talk myself into going back giving?
Speaker 3:me the reasons Well, no, but yes, so I, I'm not trying to get yourself. Yes. Ultimately, the why is what will continue to drive you, even when you don't feel like?
Speaker 3:it but there's the logistical. There's just the tactical, logistical part of it too. So there's the emotional part, which is the why, but then there's also the okay. So what is it about your current schedule or routine that is impending you from going to the gym? Is it because you were doing it in the morning before work? Yeah, and you don't get enough sleep. So you're too groggy. You don't want to wake up earlier because you're losing sleep.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So then why don't you do it after work?
Speaker 1:Uh, I don't know. Normally I'm I'm tired because I don't get enough sleep.
Speaker 3:You're tired, so what are you doing when you're in the gym? Are like, yeah, because I don't get enough sleep. You're tired, so what are you doing when you're in the gym? Yeah, what are you doing?
Speaker 1:What have you been doing? When I do go to the gym, it depends on the day. I mean I'll split it up. Normally I do back and biceps one day and then I'll do cardio. So say, monday back and biceps, tuesday cardio, wednesday chest and triceps, thursday cardio and then Friday would be legs.
Speaker 3:Do you have like a training plan that you're following? You're just making it up yourself.
Speaker 1:I mean, yeah, I have like a routine that I follow in the gym, like I know my exercises. But I mean it's something that I did myself.
Speaker 3:And how long are you spending in the gym when you go?
Speaker 1:Usually 45 minutes to an hour.
Speaker 3:Okay, and why did you get hurt?
Speaker 1:uh, I I don't know. I mean, I don't know why I got hurt, I just did. I was, I think I did it on the rowing machine um, do you feel super uncomfortable right now? No good, well, until this very moment, and now I realize that there are thousands of people listening to this conversation. For a second, I forgot that we were on a podcast, so now I feel a little uncomfortable. Let's just keep it going, okay.
Speaker 3:Um, I believe this is helpful for people to put an actual situation to the question. Yeah, so in the past, when you've gotten, when you've started getting into the routine of going to the gym which I just want to point out, by the way, that the question started with why am I bad at doing my pies?
Speaker 1:Is it common to be bad, is it?
Speaker 3:common to be bad at doing working on your pies to really, it's not your pies, it's just one part of them, and it's not about being bad at it, it's the struggle with consistency.
Speaker 1:So this is well, you know, I tried to mask this question as being something else, so that it wasn't me asking the question. But here we are.
Speaker 3:So in the past has it been that your consistence, like you, get consistent until you get hurt, or what is it about the previous?
Speaker 1:I mean it can just be anything like there, like I could have something going on one day, or you know, maybe I I mean, normally I take the weekends off, and that's what's so weird, because normally when I take the weekends off I'm fine to go back on Monday, but it's when, like, I have an interruption in between one of my workout days, like between a Monday and a Wednesday, like if I take that Tuesday off, then it gets me completely out of whack.
Speaker 3:So you go like Monday through Friday every day, yeah.
Speaker 1:It's typically what you do. Yeah, that's what I've done in the past. Yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 3:So is it that in your mind, you've set your goal, as I'm going to go five days a week, yeah, and then when you skip one day, you feel like you've missed your goal?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then I'm like, okay, well, what's the point in going the rest?
Speaker 3:of the week. So then, what if you reset your goal?
Speaker 1:Dang it. Yeah, I see the problem.
Speaker 3:Three days a week.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:What if you reset it to I'm going to in a 30 day period minus eight days of weekends, so 22 day and a 22 day period. I'm going to work out 11 times in one month. I'm going to work work out 12 times, 11 times this month. Yeah, and then it doesn't matter. You want to set your brain up for success so that your brain won't find loopholes. Yeah. That it's better than what you're doing now, which right now you're doing zero. I mean what? You're doing now, which right now?
Speaker 3:you're doing zero. I mean you're playing basketball at lunch yeah but like set it up to where your brain is, like, okay, I can do three days a week or I can do 12 in a month and that will get you.
Speaker 1:You need the wins yeah, especially I guess this makes sense now because especially me going from not going to the gym like me being out of the gym for over a year to trying to go five days a week.
Speaker 3:It's a lot. Yeah, an hour each time, yeah, that is a lot.
Speaker 1:Probably not the best idea. You know, for consistency. It's a valiant effort. Yeah, but you failed.
Speaker 3:You have not, you have learned from the situation? Yeah, that's the question and you're getting back on the bandwagon and hopefully you can also see the areas of your pies the I, the e, the s like what are you doing that's it really easy?
Speaker 1:I've I've been reading books in the evening to help with my intellectual attraction uh, emotional, getting better at talking to my friends and family like on the phone, um, going out to eat with people, just being connected. And spiritual attraction is now I have found because you kind of grilled me over that a couple episodes ago uh, finding time in the morning, before I leave my apartment, to actually spend time reading the bible in the morning oh, good for you so now it's just, it is literally just my physical attraction that I'm kind of slacking off of.
Speaker 3:But even in physical you're getting sometimes better sleep because of your woot band.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I was, I was actually just I was talking on the phone with my mom yesterday and was telling her about my woot band and how just knowing how much sleep I'm getting or how or how little sleep I'm getting, um, and like the things that that it is telling me, uh, has helped me prioritize sleep. Yeah, so now I'm I mean from where I was going to bed between 12 and one o'clock, now I'm I am consistently in bed, if not already asleep, by 11.
Speaker 3:Yeah, do you have an Apple watch too?
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 3:Does whoop track exercise? Oh yeah, oh yeah, perfect. So then that'll, that's going to help like gamify it too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it tracks like your strain level is what they call it.
Speaker 3:But yeah, it'll auto detect, like if I'm playing basketball, like it automatically knows that I'm playing basketball there you go yeah, like if I'm playing basketball, like it automatically knows that I'm playing basketball there you go yeah, so creepy, but also really cool.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know how that works, because it also detect that. Detected that I was playing pickleball the other day too.
Speaker 3:And it knew the difference.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I don't know what's going on, Um, but yeah it having a band or a fitness tracker, sleep tracker has really helped. Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 3:So that'd be my encouragement Start with three days a week for four weeks.
Speaker 1:Okay. Go from there. Got it. There you go. That was the last question.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you, great episode. Yeah, uh, if you want to be a part of some of these ask me anything episodes, there will be a link down in the show notes below. Whether you are watching on YouTube or listening on podcasts, you can click that link in the show notes, submit your questions and, yeah, there'll be a chance that we select those questions and answer them on one of these episodes, until next week. Stay strong.
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