It Starts With Attraction
Revealing secrets on how to become the most attractive you can be Physically, Intellectually, Emotionally and Spiritually (or as us insiders call it...the PIES). Listen to weekly episodes. Join a course or get more info at kimberlybeamholmes.com
It Starts With Attraction
The 4 Part Framework To Stand For Your Marriage
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Experiencing the highs and lows of marriage led me to a profound realization: attraction isn't just about the physical—it's a holistic process encompassing the Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual aspects. Last week I was able to share with our Marriage Helper audience the PIES framework, designed to rejuvenate marital bonds by focusing on self-improvement. Through personal stories, I illustrate how embracing this multi-faceted approach can reignite passion and enhance well-being, helping you tackle insecurities and societal pressures surrounding attraction.
Expect to uncover the hidden layers of intellectual and emotional attraction that keep relationships thriving. Drawing from personal experiences with my husband, I emphasize the importance of engaging conversations and shared interests that spark intellectual attraction. Equally vital is fostering emotional attraction—creating environments that nurture positive emotions. I discuss practices like self-forgiveness and positive self-talk as cornerstones for personal growth and deeper connections with your partner, offering practical insights for enriching your marriage.
As we wrap up, the focus shifts to spiritual growth and transformation, urging you to embrace activities like journaling and volunteering that elevate your spiritual attraction and self-esteem. Personal transformation is not only key to saving a marriage but also to personal fulfillment. With the new year on the horizon, it's the perfect time to reflect and set actionable goals for a brighter future. I invite you to connect with our team for guidance on this transformative journey, so you can gift yourself the opportunity for growth and change.
Your Host: Kimberly Beam Holmes, Expert in Self-Improvement and Relationships
Kimberly Beam Holmes has applied her master's degree in psychology for over ten years, acting as the CEO of Marriage Helper & CEO and Creator of PIES University, being a wife and mother herself, and researching how attraction affects relationships. Her videos, podcasts, and following reach over 500,000 people a month who are making changes and becoming the best they can be.
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How to begin saving your marriage by working on yourself. The four-step framework. We call it the pies, the pies of attraction. If we want to be serious about it, y'all, I can't tell you how much of a life-changing difference this concept, this four-part framework, has had in my life. It's why I'm so passionate about it. It's why I'm getting my PhD in performance psychology, it's why I this is what gives me passion. I absolutely love seeing marriages saved, but I know that it's not just the marriage that needs the turnaround. It is the people that make up the marriage. You cannot underline this. If you're taking notes, you cannot have a healthy marriage if you are an unhealthy person, and the pies is what gives us the framework to become the healthiest and best version of ourselves that we can be, so that we can have the best relationships in our life. Bar none hands down, this works. So what are the pies? Well, the first one we're going to start with is physical. It's actually actually like backing up just before this the pies of attraction. I need to let you know this is the first step on the love path. There's a process to falling in love. We call it the love path here at Marriage Helper, and there's four steps to it. It's attraction, acceptance, attachment and aspirations. All four of those don't matter to you today, but what does matter to you because it's what we're talking about is the part of attraction. Attraction is how people initially fall in love.
Speaker 1:When I first saw my husband well, when I first saw him, I was three years old and he was five years old and we were fighting over the red Fisher price car. I don't know if any of you remember that it's like a red car with a yellow roof. Our parents were friends. He was over at my house playing with me when we were young and he wanted to play with my toys. I remember specifically you wonder why we ended up having marriage problems. I remember specifically he went into my closet and got toys out and every toy he got out that he wanted to play with I would take from him and put it on my side of the room where he couldn't find it. We would get it and he wanted to play in this car of mine. I didn't want him to. I flung myself on the roof and kicked and screamed until he got out.
Speaker 1:That's when I first met my husband, but when we actually got to the point in our life where we began dating and reconnected, which was in college. It wasn't one of those stories where we were like lifelong lovers. We didn't reconnect until he was a senior in college and I was a freshman and I saw him on Facebook. And then I had friends who were in classes with him and knew about him. And when I saw him on Facebook I was like, oh my gosh, I remember this guy. He is so cute.
Speaker 1:I was attracted to him physically, but then my friends started talking about him and they said, oh Beam because that's what they called me, that was my nickname in college oh Beam, you've got to date this guy. He's such a great guy. So then I started learning about him from other people. He and I started chatting and talking on Facebook Messenger back when you had to have a college account to use Facebook. This was way back in the day and we just started talking and we found out we had a lot in common. So I was intellectually attracted to him. Then we started dating and I remember on our first date he came to my dorm to pick me up and he opened every single door for me, including the door to his pickup truck. He, as we dated, he would send me text messages, he would have flowers delivered to my dorm. He made me feel so cherished and so loved, so I was emotionally attracted to him. He evoked emotions within me. I enjoyed feeling and then, spiritually, I was incredibly attracted to him because I felt like being with him made me a better person. He had a heart for helping the homeless. He still does to this day. He's a very generous person and I would see him do those things and I just wanted to be more like that.
Speaker 1:Attraction is the beginning of the process of falling in love. We fall in love with people we are attracted to, which then helps us continue on in the love path, which we won't get into those next steps today. But here's what I want you to know when you are first falling in love, attraction is what matters. But if you have fallen out of love, if your relationship is in the middle of a struggle or a crisis right now, the first thing, the next thing, the best thing for you to do is to go back to the beginning of the love path, which is attraction. You focus on doing these things, number one because it's the best thing that you can do for you, but secondly, because if anything works to bring your spouse back, this will. They fell in love with you before they can fall in love with you again, and this is the pathway of making it happen.
Speaker 1:The first one is physical. This is, for some reason, most people's least favorite part of the pies. For those of you who have been working on your pies I see you in the chat. You've been members for forever. You're giving people advice and it's beautiful. Which is your favorite part of the pies? I would love to just hear from some of you. And then, in thinking of physical, what are some things that you did in your journey to focus on becoming feeling the best that you can physically for yourself?
Speaker 1:I think the reason that people really don't like physical attraction is because there's a note of it or like an undertone in physical attraction that just always reeks of we aren't good enough as we are Because there's the GQ and Esquire magazines or Women's Health and Cosmopolitan that always show people who have completely not logical bodies and we compare ourselves to those. But here's something that one of my friends said years ago and I just love it so much. She said our bodies were not made to be on the covers of magazines. Our bodies are made to help us do life and to have energy and to help us do the things that we love to do and to be active and to be able to play with our kids and play with our grandkids, and to be able to keep us living long and healthy lives Like. The physical part of attraction isn't just the makeup you wear, how big your muscles are, how little body fat you have. That's actually missing the point of it altogether.
Speaker 1:The physical part of attraction is making sure that you are doing what you can to look and feel your best for your age and situation in life. I want to read some of the comments that we have here. A lot of people are saying their favorite part of the pies is emotional. We're going to get to that. But, joe, physical is the easiest to make noticeable difference. This is so true. You can see some big wins pretty quickly by focusing on your physical attraction, and we're going to talk about more of that in just a minute. But and in fact let me just skip to the next slide and then I'm going to go back through the comments. So in each of these, I'm going to go through each of the four areas and I'm going to give a definition of what we just talked about how it helps you, how it helps your marriage and the practical application of it.
Speaker 1:So physical attraction is looking and feeling the best that you can for your age and your situation in life. So how does this help you? It's because it gives you self-confidence when you begin to go on a mile walk every day, like take small steps here. If you are someone who's just completely sedentary, you have a crazy busy life. What is one thing that you can begin to do to just feel better for your age and your situation in life? And there's some pillars here. There are actually three key pillars that I always tell people to focus on when it comes to physical attraction. These are, if you're wanting the best bang for your buck, the ones that have the absolute most research and the ones that are just the most important. It's going to be sleep, nutrition and exercise those three things. Getting enough sleep and exercise those three things.
Speaker 1:Getting enough sleep I cannot bang the drum hard enough. If you aren't getting enough sleep, then you are not going to be able. Your brain, the processing power of your brain, and especially the part of your brain that's able to handle emotional circumstances is not going to be working as well as it could. So when you have a fight with your husband or a disagreement with your wife or something comes up that gives you a ton of anxiety, you are not going to be able to deal with it as well as you could if you had been getting enough sleep Seven to eight hours a night. I don't want to hear excuses. You need to be getting seven to eight hours a night. You can tell me all day long that you can thrive just fine on four to five, but every single bit of data and research tells me that you're lying. So you need to be getting seven to eight hours of sleep. You might be thinking how I can't sleep. Well, I don't know if this is good or bad, but a lot of people in our membership they say I just love putting on videos of Dr Joe Bean's voice, which is my dad. He has an amazing voice, if you haven't heard it, and it just calms me and it helps to put me to sleep. It's not because he's boring, it's because he has a great voice.
Speaker 1:There are things that you can do to help you and the thing is you may not get seven to eight hours tonight, but you can begin to make a plan to work overtime to start getting more sleep. Change your schedule, change whatever you do to prioritize sleep. What did I say? Prioritize sleep. If you're going to focus on any of the three, start there. If you're not getting seven to eight hours of sleep, begin today. Make small changes. You don't have to go from four hours tonight to eight hours tonight. You probably can't, but you can begin doing 15 minute increments over the next couple of weeks, increasing it by 15 minutes every time. Please start there, because it is going to change you. Then we have exercise. This is where you can begin to see the biggest difference.
Speaker 1:Exercise doesn't just help you lose weight. In fact, exercise is never meant to help someone lose weight. Nutrition is the only way, or it is the key way, that someone's actually going to lose weight. But exercise does so much for your body. Your muscles do fascinating things. When you exercise that release basically endorphins that help you to feel better. It helps you deal with stress and anxiety. So if you're not doing anything right now, start small, or maybe, if you feel like you could amp it up, then amp it up.
Speaker 1:I can't, I cannot, I would. I would, if I had all of this webinar to talk about exercise. I absolutely would. It's my favorite topic to talk about, but be doing something that is giving you exercise or helping you to exercise, to just move your body. And then nutrition, eat healthy foods. It's really that easy. When you do these things, it helps you to sleep better, to better handle your emotions, calm your anxiety, give you a better quality of life. It fills your cup. It's not about looking a certain way, it's about feeling a certain way. So how does it help your marriage? Certain way, it's about feeling a certain way. So how does it help your marriage? When you feel good about yourself, it comes across in your relationship with your spouse. That's why.
Speaker 1:So, just like what Joe was saying earlier, physical is the easiest to begin seeing a noticeable difference. What we know about human psychology and motivation is that feedback and the quicker the feedback, the better Feedback helps us to continue moving towards something. I mean, how many of you have ever tried a diet and you're trying to lose 10 pounds and you step on the scale and you see nothing, no change, and you've been working so hard. Well, you're not going to continue that diet. But if you begin to make some changes and change some things but you step on a scale a week in and you see you've been working so hard, well, you're not going to continue that diet. But if you begin to make some changes and change some things but you step on a scale a week in and you see you've lost two pounds, oh my gosh. That is the positive reinforcement. You need to keep going. Pies the physical part of the pies is what can really begin to give us that positive reinforcement quicker, to keep us working on ourselves in all of the other areas. Keep us working on ourselves in all of the other areas.
Speaker 1:So the practical application get sleep, move your body, eat healthy foods and then kind of a bonus one here is get outside and get some sunlight, especially in the winter time where seasonal affective disorder is a very real thing. Go for a walk during lunch or at some point. Just try and get some sunlight. It'll also help you sleep better, which is a huge one. Lucy says physical for me is getting enough sleep so I don't look haggard. That's perfect. Joanne says that physical is the easiest. Claire shares that she walks her dog. She lifts heavy bags of chicken feed. It doesn't have to be crazy stuff that you do. Scott does yoga at 530 in the morning. All of these, like people eating healthy. There are definitely ways that you can encourage each other, and and Laura even says, drinking enough water, eating nourishing food, getting movement and sleeping well all of that is important.
Speaker 1:So then let's talk about intellectual attraction. I remember when my husband and I started dating and even now, especially and especially, as we were kind of rebuilding things after our marriage had gone through that difficult point and about 12 years ago was being able to talk to each other about things that weren't emotionally charged, about things that weren't emotionally charged, making sure that every discussion we had wasn't just drenched in how hurt I was or how angry we were with each other or the hurt that we had gone through, because that is not what people want to talk about. What we want, what we're attracted to, is someone that we love talking to, that we can have fascinating conversations with, and so intellectual attraction is being a fascinating person to talk to. And how does this help you? It gives you something productive to do with your thoughts, first and foremost, with your thoughts and your talents, instead of brooding or worrying about your situation. How many of you feel like you spend 50 to 80% of your time thinking about your current marriage situation, thinking about how you wish things were different? Me, yes, several of you saying me, me, me Right.
Speaker 1:So the way that we can kill two birds with one stone here is, first of all, think about the things that you are actually interested in. Think about the things you're passionate about, what you're curious about, and begin learning more about those things. Take up a habit that you've been interested in. Go and take a course that you've been interested in. Do something that is going to help you learn and continue to be a fascinating person where you're learning and growing and all of those things. But the other thing that this does for you is it helps your mind not just linger and worry about and be anxious about all of the things that are happening in your marriage. How does it help your marriage?
Speaker 1:We tend to find people more attractive when we share common interests and can have fun talking to them. So when you grow and engage your mind by doing new hobbies and learning new things, it also helps to attract your spouse back for a couple of reasons. Number one now you have. Now your spouse sees you as more of an interesting and fascinating person to talk to, like oh, they have depth to them, they can carry on a conversation and it's not just about the things that they're angry about. They actually have depth and breadth and I enjoy talking to them, and especially if you can have a shared hobby or a shared thing that you want to focus on and that you want to do with each other, that helps too.
Speaker 1:But the bottom line of this is I know, and one of the things I love about my husband is that when I come home at the end of a hard day, he will listen to me vent, he'll listen to me complain. He will be there for me. I can talk to him about absolutely anything. He can talk to me about absolutely anything, and we enjoy doing that. We enjoy telling each other about new things that we've learned. We enjoy that part of our marriage and he is my best friend. He is 100% my best friend. So intellectual attraction that's how it helps your marriage. So think of three to five things that you're passionate about, curious about or interested in. Go read a book about it. Go to a class. Learn a new hobby about these things. Go read a book about it. Go to a class, learn a new hobby about these things. This is what can help get your mind off of it and also this is what helps you to be more intellectually attractive.
Speaker 1:Then we get to emotional attraction, and I know this is a lot of people's favorite part about the pies, and this one is all about evoking emotions within other people that they enjoy feeling. This is a key part of attraction overall and when it comes to relationships with our spouse, our kids, best friends, family members, this is the most important part of attraction. Most important part of attraction, because you can be the most well-slept, well-fed, well-exercised person in the world that knows a whole bunch of things. But at the end of the day, if people don't like how you feel, or if people don't like how they feel because of how you treat them, no one's going to be attracted to you, and not just romantically. In any relationship in life, emotional attraction is absolutely the key.
Speaker 1:So what is emotional attraction? It is evoking emotions within others that they enjoy feeling, and that's the key here. It's not emotions that you enjoy feeling. It's not doing the things that you would want other people to do for you. Not that that's a bad thing to do. But the viewpoint that we have to have here is not what am I going to love. It has to be what is my spouse going to appreciate? And so for my husband he does not like surprises, he does not like the spotlight. He does not like surprises, he does not like the spotlight. He honestly doesn't even love gifts. At Christmas time he would be happy with a pair of socks. And I am dead serious. It drives my mom crazy, because every year Rob says I just want socks. So guess what, instead of trying to make a big ordeal and get him something crazy because we would feel better about it, we just give him what he says he wants, and he is incredibly happy with it.
Speaker 1:It's about what the other person will appreciate and evoking emotions within them that they enjoy feeling. So how does this help you? First, it starts with you evoking emotions within yourself that you enjoy feeling. Again, it's hard to give from an empty cup. So if you are filled with anger and resentment, you need to forgive. If you are struggling with telling yourself that you're ugly, you're worthless, that no one's ever going to love you, you need to change that. You need to start truly giving yourself some positive self-talk and there's so much psychology and research behind that and, as silly as it may sound it may be you putting post-it notes on your mirror so that you can say three to five positive things about yourself every morning. You have to begin to think more positively, because otherwise it is going to be very difficult for you to want to build other people up, to evoke emotions within them that they enjoy feeling, without just feeling resentful about it, and then from there you can start showing others in your life that you care for them by practicing your pulls. Here is your chance to shine. Here's your chance to show. This pulls concept is you're doing the things that pull other people towards you by this evoking emotions within them that they enjoy feeling. Because when we do the things that evoke emotions within others, they don't enjoy feeling. It pushes them away.
Speaker 1:I had a friend in high school who was on the track team and she was in great shape. She wasn't the skinniest girl in eighth grade, but or so it was middle school. She wasn't the skinniest girl in eighth grade, but she definitely was not obese. But her mother, every single day, would tell her how fat she was and that she needed to run more and that she needed to eat less. And so, as an eighth grade girl, she would have this tiny little meal for lunch because her mom told her she had to lose weight. And there was never anything loving or positive that her mom would tell her. Her mother was evoking emotions within her that she did not enjoy feeling, and my friend would take it what else is she going to do? And her mother was a nice person. She wasn't some terrible beast, she was enjoyable to be around, and it wasn't that she was just saying it, even in a harsh tone, it would just come across as like. I don't want to say her name, I'll call her Amber. Amber, you should really lose a couple of pounds before you get into high school. It was just very. I'm sure her mother had good intentions. I'm sure her mother also had some demons of her own that she hadn't dealt with, and it was therefore coming across to her daughter.
Speaker 1:When we don't have emotions within ourselves that we enjoy feeling, it trickles over into how we come across to other people. My friend, whose name I will say is Amber, but it's not by the time she graduated high school, she left home, left her family, left her religion and never turned back because her mother pushed her out the door. That is how important this concept of emotional attraction is and, as Chris said, this concept of emotional attraction is. And, as Chris said, emotional is the biggest struggle for a lot of people. It's the one that we all want to get right, but it's the hardest to perfect.
Speaker 1:I don't think that any of us are ever going to perfect being the most emotionally attractive person in the world, and I don't think that we should, because, honestly, I believe it's the journey to figuring out, for each person that we love, what are the things that I can do that show you I love you, that you appreciate, that evoke emotions within you, that you enjoy feeling. That's part of what builds relationships. We're not going to figure this out and check it off our list and be good to go. This is a daily thing, it is a daily mindset, it is a daily choice, it is a daily responsibility that each of us have the opportunity to take into the relationships with the people that we love. How does it help your marriage? Because if anything works to bring your spouse back, this will, this will we like to say at Marriage Helper that people don't leave what they have, unless what they're going to is better, so be the better. Be the person where people don't feel like they're handcuffed to stay to you, but to where you are the well. What do I mean by that? In Australia, there's places farms that have so many thousands of acres that you cannot fence it in, but they have cows, and so how do they keep the cows from leaving? Well, they put wells in the center of all of that land, because the cow knows that this is the place it gets its nourishment, this is the place it gets its refreshment. It wants to stay close to the well, because the well is what makes it feel good, feel safe. How can you be the well in your marriage?
Speaker 1:You stop doing the things that push your spouse away and you start doing the things to pull them back. So stop guilting and manipulating and complaining and whining and throwing in those little remarks like Amber's mom did. If you would just lose a couple of pounds If you would just say something a little different. If you would just lose a couple of pounds if you would just say something a little different. If you would just like try harder in your job and make a little more money, if you would have just taken the trash out. If you would just be different, then things would be better. People don't want to hear that and stay in that kind of relationship day in and day out. And stay in that kind of relationship day in and day out. Stop trying to get your way, pointing out all of their flaws. Stop trying to fix and control. Start listening, having empathy, being present and doing what your spouse has asked them or asked you to do for them. Maybe your spouse has already given you the blueprint.
Speaker 1:I can't tell you how many times that we have typically men and this is not supposed to be gender specific, but this tends to be the case Typically men who come to us and say my wife left and I have no idea why. In fact, we just had one of our solo spouse workshops here. These are transformative workshops for the person who's wanting to save their marriage. When the spouse wants out and this past weekend we had one of all men and so many times, and more now than maybe ever before, men are feeling confused and blindsided by why their spouse wants out. Men, are any of you feeling this way about your wife all of a sudden falling in love with someone else. You didn't see it coming. Where did it go so wrong? This is not uncommon. Yes, I already see men saying yes. That is how I feel.
Speaker 1:A lot of times women have been saying things over the years because women are not as likely and if you look at the research, men tend to make quicker decisions and say that they want out of their marriage. Women tend to be way more long-suffering and by the time they say that they want out, they've given clues, but typically the men haven't picked up on those, and so women typically have given you the like, said over the years the things that they were frustrated with. The men just typically weren't listening, they weren't attuned to it, they weren't aware of it, and so many times your spouse has actually given you the blueprint. They've said things like why do you work so much? I wish you would be more present. But we can push that aside, we can push that down. We can justify why we're doing everything that we're doing right now and justify it by saying I'm doing this for the family. I'm always doing this for the family. I had a business friend who, years ago, he said I always told my wife that I was doing this for her, I was doing this for the kids and at any time that she could say that she could tell me otherwise, like if I wasn't being present enough or whatever that she could tell me otherwise. Well, one day she did come and she said you can keep doing what you're doing, but don't pretend like it's for us anymore, because you're never here. So clearly you're not doing this for us, you're doing this for you. You stop doing the things that are pushing your spouse away and you start doing the things that will pull your spouse back and you think back to what those things might be that are important to your spouse and that helps us have emotional attraction.
Speaker 1:And then our fourth and final one is spiritual attraction. Spiritual attraction is all about living in line with your beliefs and values and actually standing for something and having something you're passionate about caring for others. This can include faith, and many times it does, and for me, my faith was instrumental, absolutely instrumental, in what changed my life and continues to this day to change my life, and it was instrumental in my husband's change as well. But you can also always focus on living out beliefs and values, helping other people and realizing that you're not in control of everyone's life, including your own, when we focus on spiritual attraction. I would love to hear in the chat what others have when we focus on spiritual attraction.
Speaker 1:I would love to hear in the chat what others have done to focus on spiritual attraction as well. It's becoming a person of deep beliefs and values that also cares for others, how it helps you. It helps you realize you aren't in control of everything and to lean on a power greater than yourself. And, of course, I believe because the Bible tells me, tells me and you from Psalm or in Psalm 34, that God is near to the brokenhearted and he rescues them from the pit of despair. Is that what you need today? You have the ability to pray, to ask God for help, and I believe 100% that he will move in powerful ways in your life.
Speaker 1:Not immediately, and I know for me, my turnaround happened in me first and foremost, and maybe that's what is going to happen for you too. So then, how does this help your marriage? Because people are attracted to those who stand for good things, who love others and who live in line with their own beliefs and values. It's really hard to be a Christian and be a really crappy spouse. It's not a good witness. In fact, I was in Kenya with an amazing group of people earlier this year. We were doing some marriage training for pastors and their wives in Kenya and the main pastor that we were staying with his name is Pastor Peter and he said he was just so adamant and so passionate about the fact that it is hard to tell the world about the hope and the goodness of God when we can't even do it in our own marriages. It's that important that we focus on having a strong family and a strong faith in and of ourselves as well. So spiritual attraction you can work on this by praying, by talking to God, by journaling, by reading the Bible, by volunteering. You can do this as a way to realize that you're not alone, that life is bigger than all of the current circumstances and suffering that you're going through, but that there is also hope and help for you in the place that you are. Laura shared she said that she does meditation and yoga.
Speaker 1:I will not allow my reluctant spouse's behaviors to affect my behavior and that I will continue to live within my beliefs and values, regardless of what others say or what my reluctant spouse does. That is such a great point and I'm glad you brought it up, laura, because, yes, like we can be very tempted, when our husbands or our wives are being complete crap to us, to retaliate, to seek revenge to. Some people even go as far as my spouse had an affair, well, I'm going to go cheat on them with a one night stand, but then we're living outside of our beliefs and values and then when we begin to do things like that in order to seek revenge or get back at our spouse, we begin to change into people that we don't like. Alexandria says I try to go around and encourage others throughout my day as my ministry to them, even when I feel down. That's a great way to work on spiritual attraction.
Speaker 1:Kim says how does this work when our reluctant spouse doesn't believe? Well, they don't have to, because the pies is about you. It's about you becoming a better person. It's about you moving forward and doing the next right thing. It has nothing to do with your spouse. So, with the pies, a lot of you also saying that you volunteer. A lot of you saying that you journal or you talk, you do things to release your anger so that you don't become angry. All of that is incredibly, incredibly helpful, but the pies of attraction. It's an easy framework physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually because this is what helps you to become the best that you can be the pies of attraction number one.
Speaker 1:Here's your takeaways you work on your pies first and foremost for you, not for your spouse, not to look a certain way. You do it because it's the best thing that you can do for you, and consistency is key. I saw someone as we first got on. They said I've been working on my pies and I'm about to give up. What's the alternative? You stop working on becoming healthy in all four of these areas, you become angry and sedentary and you stop learning and growing and you stop helping others. What's the alternative? You don't do pies for anyone else. You do it for you, and consistency is key. You keep doing it even when your husband doesn't notice. You keep doing it even when your wife continues to ignore you. You just keep doing it because it's what you do for you. There is literally no alternative. And you're consistent because it's important to keep moving and to keep moving forward and to keep growing in your pies so that you don't become stagnant, because it's good for you and then, if anything works, to bring your spouse back. This will Not only like the pies is a huge part of the initial part, but this fits in with how you implement smart contact. This fits in with you actually beginning to change some of your behaviors. This fits in to the bigger process that we take people through every single day at Marriage Helper in helping them to save their marriage. This helps.
Speaker 1:Scott shared he said he was talking to his coach, meredith, about the pies. They're not work and they're not even hard. They are just a new way to live, absolutely. This is the new way that you approach your day, that you approach how you think about what you're going to do in the next day. If you do one thing each day to just work on even just one area of the pies, then this is going to help you. Aaron says pies, it works. The pies work if you work your pies. It won't if you don't. So work it because you are worth it. I love that. I think that's you should be our new spokesperson, aaron for the pies.
Speaker 1:Johnny says how can any of this help, even when there's no contact and she's making up lies about things that didn't happen? Again, you do this for you People who are saying I want to teach this to my children. I want them to work on their pies. Yes, like this is healthy. This is what helps people have strong self-esteem and to have worth and belief and value in themselves and in other people. This is incredibly helpful.
Speaker 1:So the next step for you if you want to do even more to work on your pies and to do the whole system, the whole process that has had over a 70% success rate at Marriage Helper then speak with someone on our team. It's not just a three-day workshop. We have a whole plan, a 90-day plan that we take people through. That can get you to see. That helps you to begin to see major results. That helps you begin to reduce your anxiety, to find community, to know that you're not alone, to see true deep transformation in the three-day workshop.
Speaker 1:That is a huge part of the experience and the process we offer at Marriage Helper, but it's not the only part. It's one part of a three-legged stool which includes our courses and community, which is in our membership, and your dedicated coach who's going to walk alongside you with assessments and with a plan that they guide you down so that you can begin to see huge change in yourself, so that you can see change in your marriage and you can apply to speak with one of our team members. It's a zero-cost conversation where they just ask what's going on in your marriage, what are your goals, and does it make sense for us to work alongside of you and to help guide you into the success that you want to have for you? I can also tell you because this is the biggest question, let's be real. This is the biggest question that people have, but is it going to work for me? If you've done it, I would love to hear in the chat.
Speaker 1:I see Anna responded and said she did the solo workshop and it was incredibly beneficial. I see Samantha saying that she's doing the online solo workshop in January, which is awesome because our workshops have caps, so we've had this past one. It had a wait list and so if there's like you have to get in, you have to get in and make sure you can secure a spot, because they are absolutely filling up. But and even Lucy says it really does change you from the core you can go and look at some of the Google reviews where people say this changed my life. It's amazing how often our team hears that and we have to remind ourselves to not get numb to how often we hear that, because every time someone says this changed my life, this changed my children's future, this saved my life. I was on the brink of not knowing what I was going to do and this made everything different for my future.
Speaker 1:Richard says the pies work. My wife has even noticed. Samantha says these marriage helper coaches have been my lifeline in the last three weeks after the affair, disclosure and so. And then Wendy says yes, the solo workshop was good for me to realize what I needed to do next and listen like in in even Nicholas. He says I've done the three day workshop with my spouse, I'm still struggling. There's a process. That's why we don't say in three Nicholas, he says I've done the three-day workshop with my spouse, I'm still struggling. There's a process. That's why we don't say in three days, it's all going to turn around In three days. Seeds are planted In three days. There's a lot of work done. That lays the foundation where people begin to see that the future may be different than the past, and that's what hope is.
Speaker 1:So if you need hope, borrow some of mine, because hope is two things. It is a vision of how things can be different in the future and it is a plan to get there. I can tell you all day long about the thousands of couples we've worked with whose marriages have been in situations just like yours, and I can tell you all day long what happened to them. And it's not going to fully give you hope because you're always going to say, but what if it doesn't work? For me, what you need to see to actually have hope is a plan. It is a plan of how things can be different. And isn't that what Christmas is?
Speaker 1:We have hope, especially those of us who celebrate Christmas and the birth of Christ. The older we get, the more we realize that the hope that we have like we can read or hear people talk about how one day there will be a time where there's no more pain, there's no more tears, every tear will be wiped away, that we will one day be with God. But that hope didn't make sense until there was a plan of how to get there, which was Jesus coming to earth and dying for our sins and resurrecting, like all of that gives us the plan. We have hope. Because of those two things, today you may not have hope, because maybe you don't believe things can be different in the future, or maybe you want so bad for things to be different in the future, but you don't see a plan that works for you. I'm telling you, our team has a plan that works for you. If you are ready for a difference to be made in your life, we are here with you. We can help you. I have hope for you. I hope you can get some of that hope too, because that's the beauty of Christmas it's realizing there's hope even in the midst of darkness. And right now your life may feel very dark, your marriage may feel very dark, but there is hope. Scott shares.
Speaker 1:I went through the solo workshop three months ago. It was 100% worth it for me. I've seen a shift in my relationship with everyone, not just my wife and kids, but mainly the best version of me is starting to show up every day, life-changing. Who wants that? Do you want that? Do you want your life to be different in six months from today? Or do you have to do is decide if you are actually going to do something different and so talk to our team. Zero cost, no obligation. We just want to help because we believe that your marriage can be saved.
Speaker 1:I hope you all have a Merry Christmas. Thank you for being with me today. I hope that this is helpful. I would love for you to share, as we wrap up, what are some key takeaways from today's lesson, from our webinar, from our time together. And book a call, speak with someone on our team. Give yourself the gift of a new you next year, as a gift for yourself this Christmas, because your future can be different than your past, but you have to do something about it. We'll see you next time.
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