Emily Allen Opens Up About Eating Disorders

This conversation is one I've been so excited to share with y'all.

I sat down with my friend Emily Allen, and she boldly shared her story of struggling with an eating disorder that started all the way back in middle school. What began as trying to manage health issues turned into years of mental bondage around food, body image, and an identity that was built on appearance. Emily is honest about all of it, and I think so many of us can relate more than we realize.

But here's what I love most. Emily shares the powerful moment she prayed with her sisters and experienced complete freedom. And the joy she walks in today? You can see it the second she walks into a room.

We also talk about raising daughters with a healthy view of their bodies, the danger of comparison and social media, and what it really looks like to find your identity beyond the way you look.

If you've ever struggled with body image, food anxiety, or feeling like you're just not enough, this one is for you.

Follow Emily:
@belovedthriftedbundles on Instagram
@thriftedsisterco on Instagram

I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended.

The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine."

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If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 1:28

As women, sometimes it can be hard to even think about the way that we show up because we're constantly thinking about how we look. We're wanting to be pretty enough, thin enough, whatever enough, and it can sometimes just never feel like enough. In today's episode, I'm interviewing my friend Emily Allen. Emily boldly shares about her experience growing up, struggling with eating disorders, and how that has impacted her life, how she got free from that, and honestly the joy that she now has to encourage and speak life into others. I loved this conversation. And more than anything, I loved being able to share her story because I believe that so many of us struggle to some extent with this exact topic, but it's not talked about enough. Let's dive into today's episode. So we had a women's conference at our church, and I actually wasn't there.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

Yes, I know. Which so crazy. It was like one of the best ones, I feel like. I know. But they keep getting better. They keep getting better. So it'll probably be better next year.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

I know, that's right. It was a hard week. We had all like there had been a bunch of snow, and I'm pretty sure I had a sick child. Like there was something, and it was the night of, I was just like, I can't make it. I can't make it work. Yeah, I know. But sometimes then, I know, sometimes you just don't. But then someone gave me uh a book from the event, and it was this beautiful like stories of different women in our church and things that they had experienced and gone through. And I feel like every single one I was like, oh my gosh, I had no idea. Right. I've known this person, had no idea. And one of the ones that really stuck out to me was yours. And just reading your story and not knowing that you had struggled with an eating disorder, and like, and especially just how I've seen you over the past several years, and your joy and your just like the way that you show up organically is I just read it and was like, wow, sometimes you just don't know the things people have gone through and how God has worked in their life. And so thank you for being willing to share it then and share now.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

Absolutely.

How The Eating Disorder Began

SPEAKER_01 3:54

Yeah. I was so excited to just ask you about that and hear more about your story and your experience. So uh with that, when did you first really realize that you were struggling with an eating disorder?

When Body Image Became Identity

The Spiral Into Mental Bondage

Asking For Help And Treatment Plans

Prayer And A Sudden Breakthrough

Arizona Recovery Center And Ministry

SPEAKER_00 4:13

Yeah, I would say probably middle school. Um, I had always had like inflammatory, just like my mom, when she was pregnant with me, her appendix burst. And so she was like pumped with antibiotics, like when she was pregnant with me. And then I became a really sickly child. Oh my gosh. And I like almost had to repeat kindergarten, and I just was like very sick often. So I had a lot of inflammation, and so that kind of manifested into different food triggers that would like trigger different things, like I had a lot of neurological, like I would think that like bugs were flying around when they weren't, and like stuff like that, which was it was just crazy, it was just a lot of inflammation, and so I kind of started being like, okay, I guess I'll eliminate this to see if I could mitigate any of those symptoms, and so eventually it just kind of got to the point where I was like, I don't feel like I can eat anything at this point, just to kind of keep those symptoms down of inflammation, of just like hurting joints, like I was just sickly, and so I was like, okay, let's start with food, and then yeah, eventually just got to the point where I was like not really eating much because of the fear of just like not feeling good. So that's kind of how it started. And then yeah, I have always kind of like identified with people who are like, You're so tall, and I love your clothes. Like, that was always kind of people would compliment me on that. That was something that like kind of became my identity, I would say, or things that I got attention for. Like my other siblings were sports, academics, like different stuff. And so my parents would kind of always introduce me as like this is our fashionista, this is, you know, and just I think nothing no ill will or anything, but just like, yeah, this is what she's interested in. So it just kind of like turned into something where I was like, okay, yeah, this is my thing, I guess. Like people look at me for my looks, and then it just got to where I was like, yeah, that's what it is. I didn't like excel super well in school. So I was like, I guess this is my thing. Like, you know, it's just like my looks. And so then it, yeah, it kind of became an obsession where I was like, well, I gotta stay thin in order to, you know, like that's what that's who I am, you know. That's like what has developed over the years. Um and then I feel like it got it kind of peaked when my second oldest sister got married. Um, and so I am like super close with them. And they um, yeah, so my oldest was married, and then my second oldest sister got married, and I was like, who's gonna want to marry me? Like, am I gonna be able to get married? Like it kind of like got me like thinking of like, what can I bring to the table that would have me be attractive to somebody in order for me to eventually get married? That was my senior year. So yeah, I she got married in Ireland and yes, and I like remember being over there and being like, okay, when I get back home, I'm really gonna focus on like, yeah, I it was always a mental thing where I was like, didn't ever feel thin enough or good enough or pretty enough, or like the expectations that I put on myself of like, if this is what my identity is, I really need to achieve at it, kind of type thing. So I was like, I need to make sure that I drive it home that if I'm gonna get a husband eventually, this is what I can, you know, have, you know, I don't, I I just didn't really feel like there were other attributes about myself that was like, I don't know, yeah, that someone would be attracted to. So I was like, okay, my senior year, I came home from that trip and was it got pretty bad after that. And then um, yeah, I just struggled so bad mentally, like it was just like day up night, like it was just struggling thinking about food 24-7 and just working out and just not being able to get it off my mind. Like there was never a break in time, and just like, yeah, talking about like being cold and stuff, like I was constantly cold growing up in South Dakota. I remember just like being in my car my senior year and like not wanting to get out because I was just like freezing, like I, you know, and then just drinking water, like really just like basically killing myself, like just not being healthy in the slightest. Um, and so looking back, I'm like it was a mental bondage, like it was uh for sure spiritual attack too. Um, because like my childhood bedroom that I grew up in, eventually, like at night, I would feel like just demons were like literally like shoulder to shoulder in my room. Like I could feel that. And I remember just like laying in my bed, just like, don't move, don't move. And so I'm like, now as an adult, I look back and I'm like, I couldn't really understand what that was, but I'm like, it really was a spiritual attack that was a long period of time that I couldn't understand at the time, but it was. And so then eventually I had to get to the point where I wanted help because my family would come to me and be like, you know, M, like, you were really concerned, you need to be like eating more. And they would try to help me. And I never really went to like eating specialists or anything like that. I went to therapy a little bit, but that like didn't really help. I never really like wanted to change because it was such like a thing. Like, I would kind of be like, okay, yeah, no, I will. I'm gonna eat something. And so yeah, then it just got to where I was like, okay, it finally got to where I was like, I can't handle this anymore. This is just too much. And so I went to my family and was like, I think I need to go somewhere, like I need to go to a place that actually helps people with eating disorders. And so my family found a place in Arizona, and then I prayed right before I left with my two older sisters, and so um, yeah, my sister who got married in Ireland, she was like, Okay, like you're just gonna bring it to God and you tell him what you need. Like, you just get on your knees and let's tell him what you need. And they just started praying over me. And so we like all at the same time felt his presence, like the Holy Spirit came on me and us all together, and we were just sobbing together, and I was just like, I don't want this anymore, like I want to be freed. I like I am just over this bondage, like please release me from this, and like I didn't even want to like leave the presence of him either. It was just like incredible, and so yeah, eventually, like I stood up and was like, it was just like a weight, like a cloud. Like I was just like fully free. I just felt completely different, like it was just I don't even know how to explain it. Like the depression was gone, like everything was gone. Um, but I I was signed up to go to Arizona, and so I ended up going there, and I uh was able to like minister to girls there. Um, and it was just crazy to be able to arrive there and see all how it presents itself in different people, and so um yeah, I remember just being kind of shocked of just like, oh wow, okay, this can be very intense to just kind of mild. And I felt like in the middle, because there were girls that were like literally hospitalized, and then they moved from the hospital there, and it just would present in just like OCD control, like a lot of times. And so, yeah, mine presented differently or like showed up differently. So it was just interesting that we all had different experiences of how it started, where we were in our walk. And so, like, yeah, a lot of girls we would just pray together. There was like a pastor's wife that was there that she was like amazing, but she struggled the most. Like, she was one that she scared me. Like her body, it's was scary because they were like looked like they could pass away at any time because they were just like skeletons, like it's it was scary. And she was one of those, but she had such like good wisdom though, too. It was just so interesting. And I I didn't finish the whole time there. There was like insurance stuff that like eventually it was gonna be too expensive for me to stay the whole time. But my healing already happened before I even went there, and it was just like an added bonus that I felt like I was able to like just spread the love of Jesus and kind of what I felt before I went there. So I felt like that was like his mission almost for me was to be able to do that. And yeah, like I kind of was waiting for it to eventually like come back. I'm like, sometime it's gonna like, I don't know. And it never really did, like it, and I, you know, I always have been slender, like I just have, and so um, but yeah, like just thinking about food and just like the constant like, am I gonna work out? When am I gonna work out next? When am I gonna have the opportunity to do this? Like that just was gone. And I had no thoughts about any food. Like I could just eat whatever, not feel remorse, not feel any type of way. Like I was just able to eat food, and I felt like I was like, Yeah, it it felt crazy because I thought I was like in bondage for so long. I didn't it was it was almost hard to walk in normalcy, I guess. Um I got used to that like kind of just like tenseness. Um but yeah, it was like a journey for sure.

SPEAKER_01 15:04

You said that it had originally started in middle school because of your health, like you didn't want to have that inflammation, you didn't want to feel bad. So it would it lasted at least probably four years until your senior year when all of that happened. Um when during those years where it was most rampant, what were your did you have friends that were also struggling, or did your friends notice that you were struggling?

SPEAKER_00 15:34

Yes, I did have one, like she wasn't like a super close friend, but she struggled too. Um and yeah, I never really my friends never really kind of talked about it. I don't know, it was interesting. Maybe I gave off the vibe of like don't talk about it. Like, I don't know. Um, yeah, it was mainly just like my family. So that kind of felt isolating because I was like, I also didn't really want people to like notice. So then if my family was like there's something, I was like, oh what you notice? Like, I don't want, you know? So yeah, my friends never really said much. I don't know. It felt like um, yeah, very like wanted it to be hidden kind of type. It's shame for sure. Like just the kind of like yeah. So then when people would talk about it, I'm like, no, like it was fine. Yeah, like don't worry about it. So I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

I mean, I'm sure maybe my friends brought it up at some point, and I kind of maybe did that response, and they were probably like, okay, you know when you when you finally prayed with your sisters and you felt the release of it. What what changed? So did you stop obsessively thinking about food? Did were you able to eat without it affecting your body?

SPEAKER_00 17:05

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

How did things actually change for you in your day-to-day?

Practices For Anxiety And Rumination

SPEAKER_00 17:10

Yes, I feel like the mental load of it is what changed for me. Like I was able to wake up and be like, okay, I'm gonna be able to eat breakfast this morning. Like it was like I didn't have such a mental load of okay, if I eat breakfast, I have to make sure that I work out afterwards. Like it was like very fluid of just like, I can eat something and not have to feel bad of like, and I did gain weight, like I gained weight, and so and were you scared about it? I thought I was gonna be scared about it. Um, and I did see a photo of myself, and I I actually my thought was like, oh, okay, I look good. Like, I which was crazy, yes. I was like, that looks healthy, like, and so that was another part of it too, where I'm like, okay, that I wouldn't, I don't think I would have thought that before. I think I would have definitely been fearful of that for sure. Yeah. And so, yeah, I never really was like afraid of gaining weight. I almost was like excited of like my new found just freedom of just like being able to eat without fear. Um, I will say I still struggle with like inflammation of different stuff. I try to be like gluten and dairy free, but that's not like super restrictive. I'm not very regimented with it just because of my history. So I'm like just 50-50 probably with that. Um, but yeah, so there are sometimes I get like inflammatory things, but I'm way healthier than what I used to be. And I think a lot of it is mental. And like doing a lot of healing mentally helped my inflammation and helped my sickness too. Um, so over the years I feel like, yeah, that's helped me as well, and also not identifying as a sickly child, too. Like my family was always like, she's our sick one, you know. I had to get like tubes and tonsils and all of that. And I'm like, I don't have to claim that anymore, you know, that doesn't have to be that was part of my history, but that doesn't have to be like, you know. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:39

Yeah, that's an interesting point. I there's something about the words we say about ourselves, the words other people say about us, that for sure impacts the way we think, the way we do things, our actions, our behaviors. I want to dig in a little bit more, like for people who struggle with ruminating thoughts, this mental bondage that you talk about. Um, I I know what I know what that is like from anxiety, right? Like it's it sucks. Yeah. How did you find the freedom from the mental bondage and do the healing? What are things that you did or maybe even continue to do in order to keep yourself like mentally free?

SPEAKER_00 20:26

Yeah. Um, I feel like with my sister praying with me, I that was like a newfound like unlocking of like, okay, I'm going to read the Bible, start reading the Bible, and start discovering like what is God's identity for me versus what is my thought or what I think other people's view of my identity is. So I felt like being able to be in his word and learning more about his character and more about him kind of revealed that for me. So I felt like that kind of unlocked my spiritual walk with him. Like I was raised Christian and that was very much like heavily involved in our household. Um, but there was a lot of like disarray there too. So I felt like I never really grasped the Bible until I was like very interested in it, just from my experience. So I felt like yeah, being able to be in the Word in the mornings, like and just having my quiet time. Um, I felt like that was really helpful. Um, but yeah, also protecting myself too, and knowing yes, anxiety or knowing that like my family can tend to be depressed or anxious, like kind of cognitively knowing that. So recognizing the anxious thoughts or the like, yeah, worried thoughts, and being like, okay, let that go like a river. Like I would envision like it's going down the river and I can let it go and like I can watch it go down the river versus being like, okay, so what's that, you know, because like grab it out of the river, exactly. Talk about it, think about it. Right. And so it was, yeah, that's come a long way. But I think, yeah, almost just recognizing when I could get in that mental head space and then being like, okay, no, I have to, you know, focus somewhere else, or just yeah, like I haven't always been joyful, you know. So it's been a practice that I've had to be like, okay, if I'm feeling depressed, what could I do that could like kind of get me out of a funk? Like, um, sometimes I'll literally be like, okay, I'm gonna walk through this door and I'm gonna leave this bad thought back here, and I'm gonna go through the door, and then I'm gonna, we're gonna be good. Like if I have a bad start to the day or some hard thought. Like, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna walk through this door, leave it behind me, and go. Like, and so sometimes mentally thinking that is helpful for me to just be like shift my mindset. Um Because it's very easy to get caught in the rabbit hole of just like, ooh. And so yeah. And just being like, no, Satan, you've tried so long, like you're not gonna have a foothold with me again. So I'm like just very aware, I guess, of like yeah, him trying to creep in here and there and just having to kind of be on guard, you know, but not afraid, but just like aware, you know? Especially when you have those tendencies, I feel like.

SPEAKER_01 24:03

When is the moment that Jesus has become the most real to you?

Raising Girls Without Appearance Pressure

SPEAKER_00 24:08

Yeah, that time when I was like literally on my knees and he came. Yeah, it was then, I feel like, for sure. And then that just was like a triggering effect of just everything. Yeah. I mean, it's been yeah, up and down, you know. But that was definitely like my on-fire moment of just being like, okay, you know, I live for him, I don't live for myself. My identity is not, and what other people think of me. He is who I will listen to for what my identity is. And so, yeah, that was like, yeah. And I I mean, yeah, you have downfalls and just different times that I would kind of just fall back and be like, oh. But yeah, just constantly remembering back on that time, like I felt like that was just so helpful for me to just be like, he's he freed me from this. Like, he's always there, like weaving even through my downfalls or my, you know, because I would be like, Oh, I don't want to get back here, you know. I don't wanna, but yeah, somehow, I mean, he's always been with me of just being able to like keep pushing me forward and keep like yeah, he's just been the one that I've leaned on. And so I feel like that was the beginning, like and it it kind of like coincided with my like launching out of the house too. I was kind of like, this is nice. Like, I you know, it's just it's nice, it was nice to be able to just have that like reassurance, I guess. Um in that transition of like getting out of the home.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

So yeah, you have two girls now, right? Yeah, two little girls, yeah. And so when you think about them growing up, becoming middle schoolers, becoming high schoolers, the way that they're gonna think about their body, knowing the history that you had and what you endured, what are some things, if you've if you've thought about it, like what are some things that you are thinking about and how you want to talk about their body with them, how you um just like I I heard a friend say several several years ago, and and it was just in thinking about like she was talking about her niece, and she was like, I don't want her to grow up to be super egotistical.

SPEAKER_00 26:45

Yeah, right. Because you're like, you don't want to be like, you're amazing, you're the person who's gonna be a little bit more. She's so pretty, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:49

So that's what she said. She was like, I was always just telling her how pretty she was, but I was like, I felt like I like I didn't want to just reiterate that narrative in her mind as being the most important thing. So as as having conquered as being a person who has conquered a lot of the things that you have, what are you thinking about with your girls and how you want to speak to them?

SPEAKER_00 27:12

Yes, I try hard not to be like, I'm more like you're strong and like independent and brave and like more so like that versus how you look. Because yes, that was it's triggering for me to be like, no, that's not an identity. Like, what are the things we can say over you that I feel like God has instilled in you? Like my girls are really confident, like I'm like, you're a confident girl, like, and try to say just like words of affirmation over them versus like an outside appearance. And then I try to just like speak positively about myself too, and just like don't spend much time in the mirror, and I'm like, yeah, we can put makeup on when we're feeling fancy and like stuff like that, but we don't wear it because we're worried about like masking anything, like it's just fun to look fancy and just have fun, and so I feel like yeah, we talk about that often, but yeah, I mainly just am like I want to talk about what I feel like their attributes are that I'm seeing, so I'll be like, Yeah, Addy, you're super fast at running, like just stuff like that, where I'm like, and I love how you color, and mommy loves to color with you, and like different stuff like that, versus yeah, and then just like eating when we are eating, I'm like, this is to nourish our bodies, like this is our fuel, this is like something God created for us to be able to like enjoy and help us have energy, you know. It's like we get energy from our food, and it's important in that way, you know. Um, so yeah, I know I've been nervous about like wanting to say all the right things and everything, but I'm just like again, I'm like, okay, God, you give me the words of wisdom to say um over them and like about food and stuff. And so I'm trying, yeah. I'm just trying, and then just whatever he's leading me to do, I'm trying to lean into that as well. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:22

You also so you still are very fashionable. You're like, you are that's not your best attribute. You are kind and Christ-like and loving and all of those things, but yeah, um, but I mean, I I have just started following kind of that part of you on Instagram, you like putting things together, you love to go thrifting. So you've kind of turned the thing that ended up being an identity for you in a negative way, but it's something that it looks very life-giving from how I experience you engaging with it. Um, tell us more, like, tell us more about that, kind of how that was redeemed, but also what about it gives you life now versus how do you keep it from becoming your identity again?

SPEAKER_00 30:12

Yes. Well, my mom brought up a good point. She's like, it's just an interesting time for you that you were able to share your story of like body image, and then now you're kind of like launching this thing where you can like style women and just like embrace their bodies and like how different everybody looks. And so I'm like, that is what I love the most is making people feel confident no matter the shape and size. Like, I just want them to feel confident in their bodies, and that's my main thing is that I just want people to feel good about themselves, you know. And so it is cool how the timing all worked out. Um, and I always have loved fashion, like I just have, and I've thrifted like my whole life, like my mom kind of started us on that, and so um, yeah, it just kind of came about randomly. Like I've always done it for my family, and then like I do lashes as well and brows, and so my clients, I'd be like, find some stuff for them because I spend like an hour every two weeks with them, and so I get to know them, and so I'm like, Oh, I found this for you, like, and they're like, Oh my goodness, this is amazing! Like today, I had a friend where I was like, I think these jeans would look amazing on you, and she's like, I've never tried jeans like this, but they look so good, so it was just so fun. And she was like, Thank you so much for that, like adding that to my day. I really needed that, so I'm like, it just the fashion piece, like, no it I feel like the thrift store, you can have any body shape and find something, like it's just fun to be able to go and just be like, Oh yeah, it's my oyster in here. I can find something. Like, and it's it's just fun for me to just like yeah, share that with people. I don't know. It just gets me excited, so then I'm hopefully it's exciting for other people. So when I see their excitement, I'm like, we're vibing, like this is fun. I'm glad that like I just think it's I don't know, yeah. I mean, it has been a part of like what I enjoy. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

You can totally tell too, even now when you're talking about it. Oh light up. I know it is, it's fun, and specifically like the thrifting part, you're really passionate about too, because it I mean, tell me more, why?

Confidence Without Clothing Labels

SPEAKER_00 32:37

Well, I just feel like you can find unique pieces and like vintage pieces are what I like to find. And then I like it's the sustainability part. We're not like creating more clothes. We already have a ton that's already created, so like less landfill, so that's always good of just like reusing, so like reselling, reusing instead of just like remaking, you know, like fast fashion, like sheen or whatever. Like, you know, I just like I feel like older vintage pieces are like a hundred percent wool, like a hundred percent cotton, like the material is really good. And like now, fast fashion is so much of like polyester and plastics and like stuff like that. So it's like pieces that are like stand the end of time, like they can just withhold. I don't know, it's just like old stuff, like even old tables. I love antiques and like all that kind of stuff because it's just made well, yeah, and I just I just love it. I don't know, yeah. And so it's just unique, and then it's just fun to find like pieces that I'm like, I don't know if anybody else has this, like I don't know, yeah, but it makes it unique, right? Yes, and I don't know, I just think it's fun, and just being like, oh, I thought of so and so, I think this will they'll like this, like that's fun for me to be like, yeah, like I don't know, or some like when they're like, I wouldn't ever think that I would wear something like that, or that I would look good in something like that. Like, it's just fun for me to think about other people, but yeah, I know with like the identity thing of like it coming back into that, like I don't think it is. I feel like that piece I'm like being able to express it with all body types, like especially from having freedom of like not worrying about what my body looks like and how it ebbs and flows. Like, even through pregnancy and stuff, I was like, I love the way that my body's changing and just like embracing that. And so, even like postpartum women, I'm like, you can embrace it and just like you know, because we all go through transitional times, you know, and weight can ebb and flow. And so it's just fun for me to be able to embrace each season. I think it's good to be able to, especially for women, because you know, it can be hidden, like people it can manifest in different ways for people, like you know, would you eat a hamburger from Sonic and then restrict the next day? Like it can be like little stuff, um, and it can start in little ways, but I mean that's what's interesting is that it can present itself differently for people. So, my thing that I'm want is just like, yeah, pro women want them to feel good, especially, yeah, like women that have daughters too, for us to be like forging the way for them to think positively about themselves and that it's not about looks, it's not about like attracting a male just by the way that you look, you know. Um, uh, and that God has a plan for you, like you have a purpose. That's always my thing. Is I'm like, what is your purpose? Like, I love discovering that in people. I'm like, what are your gifts? What did he instill in you that like you know, he created you for your unique purpose? And so I just think it's fun to be able to embrace that through fashion and like different stuff too. I think that's fun.

SPEAKER_01 36:18

So well, one of the things I saw you post the other day, um, and I think you were just trying it on to like show people what it looked like, but it was some kind of cardigan, and it was it was large, it was either like an XL or a 2XL. Yeah. And I was like, oh my gosh, like that's so big, especially for her. But when I saw you, when I saw it on you, I was like, but it's actually super cute. And I didn't even, and it and when I hear you say like all body types, all body sizes, like I even think that with the size on the clothes, and this is so yeah, like coming out of my mouth, this feels so dumb to say. But it's like even that people have things around, like, no, I'm a medium, or I'm a large, or I'm a small, yeah. I want to be an extra small, but it was like, but that actually looked really cute, right?

Showing Up As An Encourager

SPEAKER_00 37:10

Yeah, it's like it can be a piece that you're just like, oh, I can wear it, like, and I don't have to worry about the size, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:17

Not having to like put yourself like that that label on the clothing becoming the label of how you see yourself, and and even in something that silly or simple when it um and it was just like but it looks fine, like it looks good and it looks stylish, and she it looks like it, you know, she feels comfortable in it. Yeah, right. And so being able to just think about that yes, that removes a lot of it. It removes, it removes a lot, but there was something else you said. So the name of this podcast is The Way You Show Up because it was originally called it Starts with Attraction, because it was all about physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual areas of our life and like the four areas of attraction, but how it's not about attracting someone through your looks. Um, and it really is more about like feeling comfortable and confident so that you show up more powerfully, more presently, more confidently in your relationships, your family, like work, wherever. Yes. So when you think about the way you show up, or the way you would want to encourage other people to show up, what are some things that you would be your like when you think about what makes you feel most confident when you show up? Let's start there. What is that? How are you like structuring your mind or your day so that you feel confident in the way you're showing up?

SPEAKER_00 38:53

Um I feel like I always want to be an encourager for other people. So yeah, if I if I think about myself showing up in like a group setting, I want to be the encourager for other people. Um and so I feel like that is something that I want to establish. I don't know. Does that is that what you're asking? Okay, yeah, like I just my thing is I always I feel like I want to dismantle like any type of weirdness. I don't know, especially with meeting new people and stuff. I've always wanted to just be like, there's no expectations here. Like, I, you know, we I guess it just comes back to we all have a purpose. Like we all have something to bring to the table. Like there's nothing that you could say or do that's like embarrassing. I just, yeah, like the confidence piece, I want other people to feel confident. So I think I like to encourage by also um being an example of showing confidence. I don't know, of just being like, hey, how are you? Like, you know, and engaging people. Um, I've always kind of enjoyed doing that. I enjoy talking to people too. I don't know. I just like helping people feel comfortable and just letting them feel like yeah, just comfortable in their space that they're in, I guess. I don't know. Yeah, I guess I would just by that question I thought of like a group setting. I don't know. Oh, or just yeah. I don't know. Yeah, I've identified that for sure. Being an encourager. I like to do that. I feel the most lit up by that of just like you have a purpose. Everybody does. And so I don't know. Yeah. I can see that.

SPEAKER_01 40:43

Yeah. Yeah, I can see that. Uh, when you are like when I see you walk into church or even at like a girls' supper, you're constantly like you're coming in with a smile, you're coming in just focused on a person, like talking to them, helping them feel included for sure.

Social Media Boundaries For Body Image

SPEAKER_00 41:03

Oh, good. I'm glad. Yeah, for sure. That's what I want to be, for sure. My mom was like that. She was like anywhere we would go, she would just engage with people, like, and just anybody. Like, just we'll be at Hobby Lobby, and she's like the person's putting stuff back on the shelf, and she's like, You are doing amazing. Like, good job. Like, I don't know. She's just been an encourage, like, and all of my siblings, we all are that way. Like, we love to be able to just like meet people where they are and just be like, You're awesome. I don't know. She's just always been like that. I know. So I'm like, it's really cool. She definitely instilled that in all of us for sure. But it's a gift for all of us because yeah, we all enjoy it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:48

What about um if there was a woman that you were helping to style, you were trying to help her feel confident again. What are some things that you would maybe say to her or encourage her with to help her feel more confident?

SPEAKER_00 42:04

Um, I would say get off social media. Say it louder. Yeah. That's so hard though. I know. Yeah. Or just like put limits on it or just like try to catch yourself from comparison. Cause I feel like social media for us is such a comparative place. Um, and just like instead of focusing on your flaws that you feel like you have, focus on the things that you enjoy about yourself. Like, you know, because some women are like, I don't like the way my arms look. So I'm like, okay, talk about your ankles. You like your ankles. You want some shoes that are like emphasize your, you know, it's like that's small or like your hands, even, but it's like shifting your mindset of like negative, negative, negative, like tearing yourself to pieces is just like a rabbit hole that a lot of us can get stuck in. So if it's like, okay, you're shifting that mindset in little small ways, even if it does start small. And sometimes if it is hard, because you are in such a space of just like, oh, I don't like the way I look. Like you do have to start small where you're like, okay, I have nice nail beds. Like, you know, it's like you have to start speaking to yourself differently. And then, yeah, social media, I feel like it's just hard for everybody because it's just not real oftentimes. And then we're just like comparing ourselves to that, and that's hard. It is hard, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:32

Will you let your girls have social media or your bo or your son?

SPEAKER_00 43:36

Yeah, I feel like no. Right now, my answer is like absolutely no. I know.

SPEAKER_01 43:40

I know.

SPEAKER_00 43:41

Because I'm just like, I don't feel like there's um a reason. I don't know. Yeah, I they they would have to show me a reason why they would need it. I just don't think right now, yeah. I'm like black and white. Like right now, I'm a full no. Like, I just don't think they do. Yeah, I just am like, it's just getting more and more addicting too. It's almost like video games for kids, and I'm like, we're a hard no on video games. Like, you know, it's just kind of what do you let in that trickles? I know, you know, and so yeah, I'm a no right now, but they're seven, four, and two, and we'll wait until they're teenagers and are pressuring me. I'm like, but right now I'm like maybe just building that like argument for myself. That's right. From like, you don't need it.

SPEAKER_01 44:41

Yeah, same. My daughter is 11 now, so she'll be 12 this year, and we're just super hard nosed. And the more they try that she tries and builds an argument, I'm like, the more my heels go in the ground. Right, like I will I will show you that I am serious about it. Right.

Parenting As Protection And Wisdom

SPEAKER_00 44:59

Yes, yes, it is. I it's our protection, I feel like. Like I have to tell Dawson often, I'm like, I know you don't understand right now, but like later on, you'll appreciate the protection. Yeah. Like it was in one of the um courses we did at church that they were it was on technology, and there was like an 18 year old boy that like wasn't allowed to have a cell phone or something like that. Like the parents were like, or maybe it was social. Media, but he came back to them and was like, Thank you so much for protecting me. And it's like, isn't that the greatest gift? That you're like, maybe you wouldn't ever get that, but like that is a great gift for him to recognize you were actually protecting me instead of you having to constantly like be like, you don't need this, this is why. You know, it's like they understood, oh, that was my parents' protection, like, and so that's the goal, and that's what you would hope they would eventually see. I feel like I see that looking back, you know, as like wanting certain things when I was a teenager and recognizing why I wasn't able to get it. So I'm like, Yeah, I think, I mean, because social media, we didn't really have that.

SPEAKER_01 46:14

It wasn't like so it wasn't anything what it is now. You had to have when I, when I I don't know if we're even the same age. I think I'm older than you.

SPEAKER_00 46:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:24

But when I was in high school, you had to have a university email address to have Facebook and Instagram didn't exist. So there was no social media. There was MySpace. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 46:36

Yes, I remember, yeah, yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 46:38

There was MySpace.

SPEAKER_00 46:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:39

Uh and so like I didn't have social media until I was probably 20, 21, where I had a much more fully developed brain, not even a fully yet developed prefrontal cortex. Right. But also I was married already at that time. So it was like crazy.

SPEAKER_00 46:56

Yeah. So what are we doing? Handing them and their brains don't even, and it's so fast, like there's so much. Like we're not even supposed to go on.

SPEAKER_01 47:06

See or know all of that. You you said, you know, it was the protection of your parents. And I remember growing up, my dad had to approve all my swimsuits.

SPEAKER_00 47:17

Of course.

SPEAKER_01 47:18

And all of my shorts until I was 18.

SPEAKER_00 47:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:22

And they had to be like fingertip length. Not the not the swimsuit. But uh, yeah, shorts had to be fingertip length. My swimsuit, it was like boy shorts and like a very covered sports bra. Pretty much. Um, and I just remember being like, oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing, frustrating. Like, my my friends get to wear whatever they want to wear. Yes. And he would say, I am so sorry that your friend's parents don't love that as much as I love you. And at the time, I know, at the time I was like, roll my eyes. Yes. But now I'm like, it's so true. Yes. Because it taught me self-respect. Like it taught me that, right, like I didn't have to do some of those things in order to like get attention. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 48:11

You know? It's yes, yeah. So that's so good instilling that in you for sure. It was. Yeah, it was. So you can look back and be like, thank you. Instead of the time, you're like, everybody else gets to wear these bathing suits. Like, I know that's good. I love that. I know.

SPEAKER_01 48:27

The string bikinis, which I still can't even wear to this day. Yeah, you're like, do I want to anyway? I know. First of all, don't want to. Don't have the body of an 18-year-old. Uh, but also just like, I'm married. Like, I could even go and be just with my husband, and I feel weird.

SPEAKER_00 48:44

Hey, yeah, you're like, I don't want to wear this, it's uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable. Yeah, right.

Where To Follow Emily And Takeaways

SPEAKER_01 48:50

Like full coverage. Yeah. So cozy in this. Yeah. Yes, 100%. Yeah. Emily, it has been such a joy talking to you and getting to know you. Uh, if people want to follow you and all your thrifting finds, where can they do that?

SPEAKER_00 49:08

So it's beloved thrifted bundles. And then um, me and Olivia have Thrifted Sister Co. So there's two places. So, yeah, just on Instagram right now, and then Emily Allen. I love it. I love it. Thank you again so much, Emily. Thank you so much. It's been so fun.

SPEAKER_01 49:29

Here are my three key takeaways from today's episode with Emily. The first one was that for her, her story and her testimony is what fuels her. We even talked more about it after we stopped filming. And I just love how the moment that Jesus became most real in her life to her is the same moment that she experienced freedom for the thing that had been keeping her in bondage. That is Jesus. And that is the story of so many people, and how freedom is one of the things that he is able to do for us. He is freedom. In him, we find freedom. He is the way, the truth, and the life. And for Emily, like for it to be so deeply intertwined with her experiencing that complete freedom for her mentally is an encouragement to my heart. And I hope that it's an encouragement to yours as well. The other thing, the second thing that was my key takeaway was when I asked Emily the way you show up, when you think about the way that you want to show up, what is that for you? And she had an answer. She said, I want to be an encourager. What is it for you? When you think about the way that you want to show up in your relationships, in your family, at your work, what is that? Emily is doing it. I can tell you when I see her out and about at different things, at church, she's always an encourager. And so the fact that she takes that into her day-to-day life, into the places that she is going, that that is the idea that she has of the person that she wants to be and how she wants to come across, it is impacting and influencing the way that she shows up. What is it for you? How do you want to show up boldly? And then finally, my third takeaway from this episode is that your story matters. And you might not think that it does, but when you're able to share with another person to relate to them and say, This is where I've been, I've been where you are, I understand how you feel. That is maybe the most life-giving thing that they could hear. One of the things that my pastor has said is the hardest part of your story might be the most life-giving thing for someone else to hear. Who do you need to share your story with? Where do you maybe need to become more bold in being able to share about a way that God has saved you, a way that God has healed you? Or if you are not a Christian, then thinking through how you have changed and a way that you have found freedom. Until next week, stay strong.