The Confidence Blueprint: How To Own Any Room

How can you own the room and speak with confidence?

Nobody cares if your palms are sweaty. Nobody cares if your voice shakes. Nobody cares if you're secretly terrified.

They care if you command the space you're in.

In this episode, I sit down with Eva Daniel, former speech writer at Ramsey Solutions, 11 years at Focus on the Family, now a speech coach to leaders, to break down what it actually takes to own a room.

Stage. Zoom. Boardroom. Bible study. Tuesday team meeting.

Ground your feet. Take the pause. Open your palms. Hold the thought.

That's the game.

We get into the pause that resets the entire room before you say a word, why you should never end on a Q&A (you just handed a stranger the mic), the "queso" moment that will change how you hear yourself forever, and the SPARK framework for walking in with something worth saying.

If you've ever shrunk in a meeting, rushed through a presentation, or walked off stage wishing you'd been bigger in the moment... this one's for you.

Get Eva's 12 Questions To Write A Killer Speech Here: speakshop.com

I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended.

The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine."

We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health.

If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here.

New episodes every Tuesday.

Don't just exist. Show up.

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Transcript

Surprise Keynote In Costa Rica

SPEAKER_00 1:29

I found out that I was going to be speaking on the same stage as John Maxwell, not even a day after he spoke, and I didn't even know it was gonna happen until two days beforehand. Let me explain. So my dad and I had been asked to come and speak at a luxury business conference in Costa Rica. It was amazing, and it had people speaking at it, such as John Maxwell. It was absolutely incredible. But it was supposed to be me and my dad. My dad is an amazing speaker, if any of you have ever heard him, Dr. Joe Beam. And so I was fully expecting him to take the lead on the speech and for me to just be there for kicks and giggles mostly. And two days before we were leaving for Costa Rica, something ended up happening. My mom ended up having a terrible hip issue. She ended up not being able to walk, and so they ended up not being able to go at all. And this ended up being the first time I was ever gonna speak by myself in front of hundreds and hundreds of business owners and again at the same conference that John Maxwell was speaking at. I ended up having a main stage talk, opening the whole day on day two, and I had no idea what I was gonna do until two days beforehand. It was the turning point for me. It was the day that I realized that I wasn't going to be able to spend the rest of my life depending on someone else. I had to learn number one, how to craft a speech completely by myself. Number two, how to have the confidence to give it. And number three, doing it in a way that led to an amazing outcome. Today we are speaking with Eva Daniel. Eva is a speechwriter, she's a speech coach. She has worked at places being the speechwriter at Ramsey Solutions, where she was the speechwriter for Dave and for, I'm sure his daughter and many of the personalities there. Before that, she was at this little company called Focus on the Family that is a huge Christian nonprofit organization. She was over there radio broadcasting back then for 11 years. And now she is a speech coach for tons of people. She's an amazing speech coach. I've known her for several years, and in today's conversation, we're specifically talking about how you can get the confidence to speak in any situation that you're in, leading meetings, whether it's on a stage or on Zoom. We are all in situations in our life where we need to speak. We need to speak confidently, clearly, and make it compelling. That's what we're going to talk about in today's episode. Let's dive in. Eva, I'm so glad to have you here. I met you, gosh, I think seven years ago this year. And because it was 2019, I met you at an event and I was in a group with you, and you were the speech writer at Ramsey at the time. And I just remember thinking, oh my goodness, I feel like I have access to one of the most important people at the company. I mean, someone who's helping them be the great, the great personalities that they are.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Well, and you yourself are a great speaker. And I know that at that event you were speaking as well. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

Well, yeah. It was, I do remember you came up to me afterwards and you said some nice things, and I thought, Eva, just told me. That means so much to me. But you have done amazing things. You, I mean, your time at Ramsey, even before Ramsey, being at focus on the family, helping with their production production. And then now you're doing your own stuff, your own speech school, the speak shop that you have, helping people become better speakers. So I'm excited to speak with you today.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Well, I'm so excited to be here. I always say public speaking is a skill just like any other. And a lot of times, a lot of us, we just get to whatever point in adulthood and we maybe haven't put a lot of focus on it, a lot of time and attention. So I really feel one of my big missions in life is to just help people become more confident in the way that they're showing up on stage, whether it's podcast guesting like this or just the way they show up at a networking event, as well as maybe an actual bigger stage, maybe they've been asked to speak at an industry event or something like that. So I just I love what I get to do every day.

SPEAKER_00 6:02

Don't you, or do you believe that now with social media being as rampant at it as it is Instagram, YouTube, and there's more opportunities for people to speak? It's not just about being on a stage. It's also if you're gonna be shooting a story or shooting a reel or getting up and doing a presentation at a meeting. Do you feel like now there's just even more necessity for people to understand and know how to be a confident and compelling public speaker than before?

SPEAKER_01 6:33

Absolutely. And with the rise of so much AI as well, I really think being good at face-to-face communication or, you know, face-to-screen communication is one of the best ways that you can advance your career because being a good communicator is the human edge. And there are so many more opportunities because we can all create our own opportunities. I mean, any one of us could listen to the, you know, your incredible show and decide, hey, you know what? I'm gonna start a YouTube show too. And so there's both that opportunity of you can start, it's never been easier to start your own thing, as well as the fact that with so much AI generated communication, the way that you show up and the rooms that you're in matters now more than ever.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

Can you notice when something is AI generated quickly because of what you do?

SPEAKER_01 7:21

I I can, although I would say it's getting harder the better that it gets. I don't know if you feel that way. I feel two years ago, three years ago, I would look at writing that came out and I'm like, oh, this is terrible. A client would show up in a meeting and say, I just had Chat GPT write me a speech, and I think, I can tell. And I would say there are still some you know situations where it's like I can definitely tell, or it's not as strong, but I would say it's also improving all of the time as well. But should it? Do you like AI-generated type speeches? I do, I do not. I mean, truly, I believe that the best communication, the best speeches are always going to come from here. I always tell my clients, you can't outsource your thought leadership. So AI can be an incredible tool. Figure out what your thoughts are, think them through, wrestle them to the ground, figure out what it is you're really trying to say, work through your story, work through all of these pieces, and then use it as a tool and figure out maybe you need help with humor. Maybe humor is something that doesn't come naturally to you in your communication. You think, oh, you know, it'd be really helpful here. And then maybe you you submit a piece and say, hey, changing as little of the original language as possible, can you help me add some humor? Or can you look for me as or how clear is this concept? But I I always say, don't, don't take, don't have AI take the first pass on something that only you can give, which is you, your story, your expertise, your thought leadership. You never want to outsource that to AI.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

I totally feel that. Last summer I was doing a keynote speech and I wrote it. So I'm the kind of person who writes, I always say I'm just gonna bullet point it, but then I end up writing word for word, and I end up memorizing it that way. Anyway, so I wrote it all out word for word, and then I uploaded it to AI, and I remember it gave me this feedback and it wanted me to remove what I felt was the most powerful part of the speech. And I thought, no, I'm not, I'm not doing that. First of all, just because AI said it, but second of all, because this is the climax that I'm leaning, leading up towards. And I remember feeling so glad that I didn't do it just because of that reason. Yeah. And it ended up feeling more authentic. I believe that it hit harder that way, even in the room. So I totally feel that. But it's hard. It's not hard. It can be tempting to think, oh, well, AI must know better. Therefore, maybe I should just do what it says. But what I hear you saying is no, don't listen. Don't trust it.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

Use it as a tool, but don't use it as a first pass. Make sure that you have done the work to figure out what it is you're trying to say and to exactly what you did, making sure that you show up in your speech and the way you communicate. I tell all of my clients, I want you to give the speech the only you can give. I don't want to be able to take those talking points and give them to a communicator who is stronger or better or maybe a little bit more dynamic and be able to deliver it. I want you to give the speech the only you can give, which the only way you can get there is by vulnerably, transparently sharing your stories and your expertise. And if you have one like your framework, your unique thought leadership that you bring to the world, that's what you want to be able to give when you show up to communicate. And you can't have AI generate that for you without having done the work ahead of time.

Glossophobia And Confidence Tools

SPEAKER_00 10:48

Yeah, for sure. What would you say? Let's talk about the person who is terrified of public speaking. They don't want to be put on camera, even in maybe Zoom team meetings, they're still thinking, please don't call on me. But maybe even more so in real life situations where now they are moving up in their job or they're volunteering for women's Bible studies or men's Bible studies, where now they're being called on to begin speaking and sharing. What are some tips as an expert speech writer and giver that you would give to that person who is starting from I'm terrified to do this to help them become more confident?

SPEAKER_01 11:30

Well, public speaking anxiety has a name, Glossophobia. So if you've experienced it, no, you're not alone. Research would show that around 72% struggle with that. And it's it's really hard. And you know, one of the underlying roots of that is fear of judgment of others or what other people are going to think of us. I think another underlying thing is we just haven't necessarily spoken a lot. And now maybe we have risen to that level of leadership or that opportunity in our careers. We're suddenly speaking is an expectation as part of our career, or maybe we did raise that hand to lead that Bible study. So now it's a part of our thing. But the problem is we're not leaning back on skills that are maybe just like a year or two ago. Some of us are trying to lean back on a public speaking class we took in high school, where maybe the whole point was to give a persuasive speech on why you should be able to eat off campus over lunch or something that didn't have any application to the real world. So sometimes it's just we don't have the tools or the skills to start using to be able to have more of that confidence in the way that we show up. There are a lot of nerve-fighting techniques that you can do to reduce some of those nerves and increase your confidence. And one of my personal favorites came from a researcher by the name of Ethan Cross. And he did research for University of Michigan. He wrote about it in his book, Chatter. And that book is really more about self-talk and negative self-talk. It's not about public speaking, but of course, I find out ways to draw everything to the public speaking world. And so the concept is that when we are having a negative thought going through our head, we're speaking to herself in I statements. Oh, I hope I don't get up there and make an idiot of myself. I hope I don't turn red this time when I speak. I hope my tech doesn't fail. I, I, I. I hope my boss doesn't think I'm a moron. And so instead, he suggests in that book that you grab just one of those negative thoughts and you replace it by using distanced self-talk. So speaking to yourself in the third person. So what this might sound like, let's say I'm having the thought of, oh, I hope my tech doesn't fail. I'm such a idiot when it comes to tech. I struggle a lot when it comes to technology. I feel like no matter how hard I try, I just always have glitches. So let's say just I have that thought. I would want to reframe that using my first name. So it would sound like, let's say I have the thought, oh, I hope I don't mess up my tech again. I would reframe it. Eva's the type of person that's always confident when unexpected things happen. So one of the things to do is start speaking to yourself and distanced self-talk prior to the event. There are also other nerve-fighting techniques. One interesting research was done as well by Amy Cuddy. She highlights it in her uh TED talk, which has received millions of views about body language. And in it, she shares that how when we are feeling confident, we have this natural tendency to make our bodies bigger. And then when we're feeling insecure, we have this natural tendency to make our bodies smaller. One way we can use this when it comes to those nerves that come is right before speaking. Maybe go to a bathroom stall and strike a power pose. So that could be, you know, the Superman or it could be hands on the hips, the Wonder Woman, to just physically make your body bigger to prepare for the moment. Let's say though you're in a lineup of speakers, you're in the middle of that Tuesday afternoon meeting and you're the fourth person that has to get up. You can also just do it in the chair that you're sitting in. You can place your feet shoulder width apart, just kind of naturally like, hey, I'm filling out, I'm filling out my chair and I'm being open. I'm physically preparing my body for this moment so that when you do get up to present, you already kind of have that, have that moment. Um, you know, there are a handful of other things that you can do as well. So even in that very first minute of speaking, intentionally ground yourself. What I mean by that is you're gonna, let's say that you have to walk from here to the front of the room, you're gonna get up to that spot, you're gonna consciously plant your feet shoulder width apart, drop your shoulders, make eye contact, open up your arms and smile. Because you're happy to be here. And for that first minute, you're gonna not move. Now, as the presentation goes, you might want to bring that energy. You might want to move over here, you might want to move there, you might want to go other places, but just physically grounding yourself to a spot can really help bring you more fully into that moment. Taking that big pause too, before that first line. A lot of times we start rushing our speech, like because they've announced us and we have to get all the way from here, all the way over there. And we start kind of feeling anxious because everybody's looking at us and they're clapping, and we start talking before we're really ready to say that first line. And so one of the big things you can do is just take a beat, take a pause, ground yourself, confidently own the room before you start. But one of the very, very biggest things that a lot of people don't talk about is a lot of times those nerves are actually not a delivery challenge. A lot of times we think of them as being how we're showing up, you know, in in the moment. But a lot of times it's actually a reflection of the content. We're not clear on what we're trying to say, and we've never practiced that content in front of someone else prior to delivering it for feedback. You should be nervous. If you are speaking in front of a crowd and it's your first time delivering that, I actually think maybe you should be nervous. So what you can start doing is practicing that content in front of real people for feedback prior to delivering it to a group. I always say, you know, the larger the stage, because sometimes that really large presentation really actually is a one-on-one that you might be asking your boss for a raise. Sure. Or it might be, you know, a smaller group. But practice delivering it before the high stakes situation and do it in front of other people. What would it look like instead of just showing up at the stage delivering it, gathering a few people together a week before, where you can get that first set of nerves out, make sure your content is clear, make sure you like the way that you've structured what you're trying to say, and being really clear what you're trying to say, knowing what that first opening line is, that first section, starting with something interesting rather than, oh, well, um, you know, it was so great when when Kimberly invited me to come, I was just really excited. This weather here in Nashville. No, like have something that you're really confident that you're starting with and get in the habit of practicing, working through it before you ever even have that on stage moment.

SPEAKER_00 17:54

So as you were going through the body, which I became more I know here. Let's start talking about filler words. We're gonna just be all a mess here. I know, right? It's but it's so it's so good. And one of the things I even think of is uh yes, sometimes I even think just because maybe of comfort or because I don't know, maybe because this is how how I was taught to sit as a woman, right? Like you cross your legs, you that it's very freeing and to to be able to just sit. It does help with the confidence. It helps with it really does.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

And you know, in that first, um, they also say that in that first um that first few seconds of speaking that you should try to share your palms because we're more trusting of people once we've seen their palms. So then I have clients who talk, like, hey, Eva, I'm presenting. And I was like, well, okay, not like that. But even on a Zoom call, you know, a lot of us are regularly giving Zoom presentations, joining virtual calls. A lot of times the way we have our cameras positioned, people can't even see our gestures. We like people that talk with their hands. Research shows us. We like people that, so even intentionally going, hey, on my Zoom calls, I'm moving, I'm looking directly in the camera when I'm speaking. The whole time I'm speaking on a Zoom, I'm looking at the camera that's at eye level, about 24 inches from me, so that people can also see my body language, so that they can see my gestures, because then it's more warm and inviting.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

I also want to talk about the the pause at the beginning. This is very vulnerable. So when when even when I get up, even still, it's like you have to have that power pose. And I just said like, see, I'm just so I'm aware of all the things.

SPEAKER_01 19:30

You might be a speech coach, it's even worse. If you whenever I have to give a speech, I think, wow, I've made a I joke and was that I'm like, I've made a living judging others for how they talk. And then please don't judge me. I'm the coach, I'm not the one that does this all the time.

SPEAKER_00 19:43

Right. That's hilarious. But you you sit there or you get up on the stage or you you take control of the Zoom meeting and having that intentional pause where people are expecting you. The nervous part of you wants to just go ahead and jump right into it, like you were saying. People are waiting for you, but it really does reset the focus, the listening, but it can be one of the hardest things not to forget.

SPEAKER_01 20:09

And and and that pause feels forever when you are giving it, going, you know, mentally going one, two, three, before you it feels forever. It does not for the audience. Another thing I recommend if you are giving a larger presentation, maybe you're giving a 15-minute update or 30-minute talk, is also considering, I was considering putting some strategically planned pauses throughout your content. For example, I was working for a client last year, giving a 20-minute update. So we we thought, okay, what could it look like to integrate some short videos or audience reflection question, giving yourself some intentional pauses in your content so that you're you can also catch up to your content, giving yourself almost think of it as some breaks throughout your presentation where, okay, I'm gonna play this 30-second video, everybody's gonna laugh about it, I'm gonna be able to check my notes, reset, regather my speed, take a more intentional pause, drink yourself of water, and then go again. So figuring out some ways as well, especially if you're a chronically fast talker like I am, to make yourself force yourself to slow down to just have your brain be able to catch up. Because back to that confidence, back to those nerves, what can also happen will be speaking and we start stumbling over our words, and then we're trying to catch up, and then we start using filler words because we've stumbled and then we're apologizing for stumbling, and it can just kind of be this whole negative spiral down. So sometimes even just going, okay, I'm pausing. I'm intentionally, but the thing is with a pause, we don't want a pregnant pause where you feel the audience feels you're not in control of the room, you've lost your spot and we're all kind of feeling nervous for you. Instead, you want to control your pauses, but making sure that you are owning the room with, you know, eye contact, with confidence, with reflection, and with just really having that presence as you go.

SPEAKER_00 21:59

What are the maybe top three things that you believe will just completely ruin a presentation if the speaker doesn't?

SPEAKER_01 22:10

Oh only three. Okay. I don't get a lie in the catch for therapy session. Yeah. Well, one of them really, I've already touched on it lightly, but the opening. Your opening and your closing are the most impactful parts of your entire presentation. And yet so many speakers waste that beginning. That, oh, it's um so great to be here. They're not saying anything. Instead, I encourage people to have if you're sharing a story, starting with a cold open right in the center of the story. If you watch any of your favorite movies, whether it's saving Private Ryan and the opening scene, we're on a boat, or if it's legally blonde and we see beautiful blonde girl b brushing her hair, it starts right in the center of the action. So I want you to consider what would be an interesting right in the center of action moment to start with. Another big mistake that people make is the filler words, weak language throughout, scattered throughout their presentations. Um, does that make sense? Yeah. Right? Oh. Does that make sense? Okay. Yes. Like um uh uh they come up in different forms. A few years ago, I I got done speaking. I'd spoken in a conference, and honestly, I kind of felt like I had nailed it. I was feeling pretty good about it. And I had a few people come up, oh, that was so good, that was so good. I speak about speaking, which you know sounds always sounds kind of messy. But I had this woman come up to me and she goes, I just loved your presentation. I was just so confused why you kept talking about queso. And I'm like, queso? Like the cheese dip queso. Oh, well, thank you for your comment. You know, move on. I'm driving home hours later. And you know how we all are. You have all these positive comments, but it's that one negative one rolling around and around your head. Queso, queso. And then I realized that I had been stringing together two filler words the entire presentation. Okay. So, okay, so now that we've looked at content, okay, so now that we've looked at delivery, okay, so she was hearing queso. And I thought, oh my goodness, how embarrassing. This is terrible. But weak language really can ruin our credibility. A lot of those filler words, we all naturally use a filler word one to two every minute of speaking. Using some filler words is very natural. Using an excessive amount can be very distracting. So that's a big one that can really hold presentations back. I think another one does get back to that close. Sometimes we can just end very flatly. Oh, okay, well, um, this isn't great. We end really abruptly, or we make the mistake of ending on a QA. And I always say you should never end within your control, you should never end a talk on a QA. Because when you end a talk on a QA, you have given the control of your ending, the most powerful part of your presentation, over to a stranger with the mic. You have no idea what they're gonna ask. And people are terrible at asking questions. Sometimes it's great and they ask a great question that sets you up and you have a funny story and everybody cheers. Other times, the last question is somebody who felt that they should have been the speaker and they give a little three-minute monologue and you're trying to pick through for a question, or they ask a question that's so nuanced that only applies to their unique situation, that doesn't expand out into the room, or maybe for whatever reason, they just ask you something that's kind of a weak spot in your knowledge base, so you just don't have the best answer. And so instead, I always say QA is a wonderful way to engage your audience. I love QA. I frequently take QA when I present. I just don't want you to end on a QA. Instead, you should lead into it. Hey, I would love to pause now to hear your questions. And in just a moment, I'm gonna come back to tell you one last inspiring story about Martin Luther King Jr., teasing whatever's coming. And then you answer the questions and then, hey, in a room this size, I'm sure there's more questions, I'll be here afterwards. But I want to leave you with the words of Martin Luther King Jr. And then you own your ending. You come back after that Q ⁇ A for one to three minutes of additional content, really owning that close because you want to own the final impression that people have of you. And so if I only can pick three, I would say your open and your clothes are huge, and then and then making sure that those filler words are not distracting people from the message that you're trying to share.

SPEAKER_00 26:17

I'm thinking about the person who's doing maybe a presentation. Maybe they're a marketing director, it's the company, monthly company team meeting, they're presenting on their part and they're listening to this and thinking, but I have to take questions at the at the end. It's it'll be weird if I say, I'm gonna open this up for your questions, but then I want to follow up with one last thing. This is something, maybe it's something we're gonna do next month, something we're really excited about. What are your thoughts on that? Just owning the discomfort, knowing that it's gonna be more powerful in coming across or continuing to go with the status quo?

SPEAKER_01 26:54

I would say it's a shift to learn, you know, to this new style of not ending with a QA, especially if you've been speaking 10, 20, 30 years. I would say obviously, if you're in a scenario where it's more of a panel situation where you're in the middle of people, you're gonna always, I always say reading the room is one of the most important things with speaking. So even what we're talking about, the open with your cold open in the center, if you're speaking to five people, it's gonna feel too dramatic, be like, it's 1997. It's like, whoa, like we were literally just talking like normal people, what's happening? I would say though, even if you are in a scenario where you really do feel because the industry you're in, the way that really you need to end on a QA, because that truly is either what your boss is said or have it, you can still own your ending by so last questions asked. I can, as a speaker, summarize or still come back with a really strong statement. So something the level of reflecting back on what I shared in all of your questions, the one final thing I really want to leave you guys with is this, and then your statement. So still kind of coming back for some level of a close, or let's even say sometimes, you know, one of the challenging things with impromptu speaking, off the cuff speaking with QA, is we don't know what the questions are going to be, and we're verbally processing and often figuring it out as we're talking. So one of the best things you can do, even at the end of that final question, is summarizing what you've just kind of shared throughout that question, and if possible, bring in some of that presentation. So, in answer to Kimberly's questions, it's really important we do this, this, and this, and in closing, big statement. So as much as you can, so come back for some sort of crisp, strong, authoritative statement to end off that section.

SPEAKER_00 28:40

Do you believe that maybe maybe not in a business presentation, but in a speech, maybe a business presentation, that that it has a certain flow, opening three main points, close. What is the structure of a speech or a presentation that people should be thinking of as they're trying to create one?

SPEAKER_01 28:58

Well, I developed one, I call it the Spark framework, and it's a way to quickly write a presentation. Now, I always give the caveat, it doesn't work for every speech in every environment all the time, especially specialty speeches, if you're giving a you know, mate of honor speech or something like that. But this is this is the your quick crash course on how to write a speech fast. And the big one is asking who your audience is. A lot of times we get so excited about the content that we're presenting on, we just rush right to it without really thinking it through from the audience's perspective. And so I always say, hey, pause before you even start sketching out that content and ask at the end of this presentation, what do I want my audience to know? What do I want them to feel? And what do I want them to do? And really get clear on that so that kind of maintains that kind of North Star focus for your content. And keeping in mind the entire time the person is listening to you speak, they're ultimately asking, what's in it for me? Why should I care? What's in this for me? So making sure that you're really clear in your own mind, what is in this for my audience? I know maybe what's in it for me as a presenter, but what's in it for them? So getting really clear on that, and then no matter how much time you have, doing a quick brainstorm, getting all of those ideas you have out of your head onto paper, a whiteboard, a Google Doc, and making sure they're not just ping-ponging around in your head of all the things you can do. So doing some level of a quick brainstorm, picking a point. Get your presentation into one clear, simple sentence. My presentation is about the Q3 marketing numbers. I want people to know that they were great. I want them to feel inspired by all the hard work they've done. And I want them to can, you know, do, I really want them to push even a little bit harder in May or whatever the thing is. Um, so getting really clear in that. And then as far as how to write a speech quickly, Spark Framework, it's an acronym. So I encourage people, S, start with a story. It could be a personal story, it could be a story of, let's say, that that marketing report, maybe you share a story of a customer who is really happy with the product, or maybe you share of, you know, the moment when you got the numbers and how excited you were. But start with a story. P is a problem. Every speech solves a problem. So make sure that before you just sort of like rush to, you know, your solutions or your three points or whatever many points you have, make sure that you've posed why we need those solutions, present that problem. I always say how long you spend on the problem is how problem aware the audience is of your topic. But structuring up the problem before you just rush to it. And then the A is actions. What are the solutions to that? I encourage everyone, every working professional, to consider maybe developing out a signature speech because more than likely you will be asked to speak professionally about your area of expertise at some point. So why not have speech ready? Um, but what, you know, the action part, this is the kind of the core, you know, that heart of the speech. It was that three-point structure we learned in high school. For others, it might be a framework that they have or a system that they have, or it might just be one big in a TED talk, it's just like that one big idea. But that's the actions. And then R is resolved, just resolving if you are gonna take QA ticket there. Make sure you land every plane you launched. Several years ago, I heard a speaker give this, it was this amazing open about sitting on her mom's, you know, deathbed in the hospital and she'd had this strange relationship with her mother. She never resolved the story. And so sometimes I still think, I wonder if the mom died. Like, did they ever resolve it? And so resolve is just a reminder to you to land every plane you launch. If you start a problem, if you start a story thread, if you bring up a piece of you know data that seems like you're building up to something, just make sure that you've resolved it. And then K is knockout. I want you to have a memorable, magnificent close. And sometimes that's closing a story loop, sometimes that's giving it a, you know, an inspiring vision that you have for the future. Sometimes that can be presenting a news story, sometimes it can be using a quote from someone, but making sure that again that you really own your ending because you want to leave whatever presentation you're in, even if it's just a five-minute update, making sure that you've left an impression on the audience and that you've communicated with confidence what you're trying to say.

SPEAKER_00 33:12

That's a great acronym to use.

SPEAKER_01 33:14

Yeah, so there you go.

Spot And Remove Filler Words

SPEAKER_00 33:15

SPARK. SPARK. I want to go back to the filler words. First of all, when you were talking about it, I went into, as you were, as we talked a little bit before we started, but when I first thought, I thought, well, it's um and like you used so many others as examples. Okay, so I think I say here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. To be honest. To be to be honest, right, exactly. And so I don't know that I would have initially thought of those as, but they are. They are filler words. They're just not um like someone's just had more words, they're filler phrases, filler paragraphs, just of words, just to just to do something. How would you recommend? So two, so two things. I have two questions here. The first question is how do you recommend beginning to notice? So let's say like you didn't notice, you were saying okay, so I'm talking about queso all day without without the margaritas, right? So how can we first begin to notice what our filler words are? And then secondly, how do we actually stop ourselves from doing them? I don't do them on stage. I for some reason know they will go away. I mean, I'll say here's the thing, but I won't say um or I won't say like on a stage. But in my day-to-day life, I say all the time. So how can I remove those from my language when they're so easy to go to?

SPEAKER_01 34:39

Well, to the first question, self-awareness is really hard. To the, okay, so recently, I mean, but recently a couple years ago, a client was the one that brought to light that I said, does that make sense a lot? And he goes, Yeah, you're a communication expert. It makes sense. And I went, Oh, I'm using that a lot. So one thing, self-awareness can be hard. Anyone in your life probably knows what your filler words are. So this might be a moment of bravery to ask a colleague, a spouse, say, hey, I'm, I feel that maybe I'm not showing up with as much confidence. I think I might use a lot of filler words. What do you think my filler word is? And probably almost instantly they'll tell you there's a woman in the Bible study attend, she uses the and stuff. Like she uses and stuff all of the time as a filler phrase. Well, I've never told her that because she didn't ask my opinion, but anyone in the room would notice it. Most people probably already know your filler words. If you want to be brave, another idea would be to re-watch a part of a Zoom call you were on or record yourself while giving a presentation, watching it back and paying attention to what filler words are creeping in for me. So if you don't know, ask somebody or watch yourself back. In terms of breaking of the habit, it sounds that you've been able to just naturally by instinct be able to kind of edit as you're as you're speaking on a stage. I would say a lot of people that maybe they they don't have that where they're just using normal conversation. Um, like so, you know, a couple things you can do. One, I always say the time to practice is not when you're giving a presentation or doing a podcast interview. The time to practice is and to make it simple where it's not overwhelming, is to just decide one conversation a day, one conversation a day where the other person is not aware, could be with my kid, a spouse, colleague, whoever, I'm going to consciously work on not using filler words just for one five-minute conversation a day. Because what you practice in your daily communication is what carries over to, you know, more on stage moments of Zoom calls. So taking one a day is a big way to do it. Another tip is back to the pause again, is slowing down your speech and gathering your thoughts a little bit as you go. Intentionally pausing. Most of our filler words, especially when giving a presentation, come up during transitions. It's when we're getting from idea to, you know, from idea A to idea B to idea C. A lot of times, even as a professional script writer who's written hundreds of speeches, a lot of times people just don't think about scripting transitions. So we're not really clear of how we're getting from point A to point B. So when it is a presentation, a stage moment, scripting the transition. I always say a poorly written transition, meaning one that's, well, now that we've looked at point A, let's look at point B. That's not really dynamic and interesting, but it's a whole lot better than, well, um, well, like, so you know, I mean, um, well, okay, now one is better than the other. And granted, your transitions can be even better than that. So one thing is to consider scripting transitions again from the stage moments. Practice when you're thinking about practicing your presentation. And I always say internalizing, not memorizing, you want to internalize it for the core concepts. Instead of just running your presentation from like stop, you know, top to bottom, top to bottom, go through your presentation once just going through the transitions. So the last couple lines of your opening story, and then he said to me, You're fired. You know, your transition to the next thing, and then the first couple lines of the next thing. So run through your presentation just those transition points, because for most of us, that's where our fillowers come in. It's when we're moving from one idea, one big concept to the next. So intentionally using your practice time a little bit differently. That can be really helpful as well. And then another thing, I I kind of say this jokingly, but the people around us really do rub off on us. I was I was sharing with you before we started that in my 20s, my filler word was like. I just use like, like, like, like, like, like. I still use it a lot. And I spent so much energy and effort in my 20s to not use the word like. Apparently, I replaced it with okay, so, but I at least got rid of like. Recently, I was driving my, and lately I've been noticing I've been using it a lot more lately. And I thought, why am I using the word like so much? Then I was driving my seven-year-old to school the other day, and her conversation the whole way, she's telling me the story, and well, like Taylor was like at the playground and like Ethan, well, like, no, like it wasn't Ethan, it was like, wait, was it like, it was like Rio, Rio, and I was, oh, but I realized because I've been spending so much time around her, her language was infiltrating into mine. And so all that is say, we're all works in progress all of the time. But one of the things to kind of keep in mind is just being a little bit more conscious of it, being a little bit more self-aware. If you're giving virtual or Zoom presentations, I myself have a sticky note that says slow down and all caps that I can see because I know my natural tendency is just start taking really fast and then the feller words come in. So intentionally slowing down can help, intentionally pausing can help, and just again, making that concentrated, just one conversation a day for three to five minutes, going, hey, this conversation today, I'm going to cut back on these on these filler words because I don't want weak language to ruin my credibility when I walk into a room.

SPEAKER_00 40:07

Do you have any other tips like books, like used appropriately, such as books that people can read or maybe speech givers to listen to that you would recommend? Hey, this is this is the idea of what you're going for when you deliver a speech.

SPEAKER_01 40:28

Absolutely. And I always say one thing, it's it's always a little hard because my best speakers, they don't just plop their whole speeches online because they make a lot of money to speak. However, I would say TED talks can still be a great. I don't think TED talks are by any mean the end-all be all communication. But what I do love about TED Talks is they're short. So you can watch one a day. You'll learn something about the topic of expertise. Start with the ones that have millions and millions and millions of views and just observe what are things that they're doing as a speaker that I like. From that, what could I apply to my own speaking? And vice versa. Hey, are there things I don't do that I don't like? We are all regularly consuming content. So I'd also say if you attend, you know, a faith-based organization and you're regularly hearing sermons, or if you regularly listen to a podcast, pay attention to how they're showing up, your favorite host, the speaker, and learn from them. So that's one tip. In terms of books, one of my favorite books on public speaking is an older title. It's called Speak Like Churchill, Stand Like Lincoln by James Humes. I love this book. He was a presidential speechwriter for seven presidents. And what I love about the book is it's 21 powerful secrets of successful speakers are short, actionable chapters you can apply today in your speaking. So that's that's a book I really like. Another one that's a little out of the box, but I think is so helpful for all of us that are professionals. And this is not a public speaking book, but there's a lot in it that we can take as humor seriously. It's a book about humor in the workplace. How do we use humor effectively? Because humor is such a key thing in our storytelling and in our communication and our likability to others. So that's another great read that I often recommend. And then for anyone who is in a position where they're regularly communicating numbers, maybe they work for a nonprofit and they're regularly sharing about the impact of the work, or maybe they are in a more data-driven field where they're regularly giving presentations with numbers in them. I always say numbers share stories too. And so a great book is Making Numbers Count by Chip Heath and Carla Starr. And that's a wonderful book for anyone who finds themselves in a position where they're regularly communicating numbers. So those are a few that I love. And then on Stories, Story Worthy by Matthew Dix is a fantastic read about how do you mine your life for stories? How do you share those stories in a compelling way with others? So that's four of my fragrance. I could keep going. But those ones are fantastic.

SPEAKER_00 42:57

Those are great. I definitely want to check out humor seriously and story worthy. One of the things I know is a weak point for me is my storytelling. And so I really want to double down on becoming a better storyteller.

SPEAKER_01 43:10

And that's great. One of the tips I take from Matthew Dix is he talk calls it a story worthy moment that at the end of every day, just draft a sentence or two about the most story worthy moment of your day. So if you're reflecting back on your day and you're gonna recap a story, what would be that story worthy moment? And so that's a really great tip I learned from that book. That was a good tip.

SPEAKER_00 43:33

So being a speechwriter, do you craft the speech from scratch? Are you working with the person to create the speech? How does it, how does a speechwriter job work?

SPEAKER_01 43:44

Well, and it's evolved over the years. Now that I have my own company for the last few years, I often have an I write with you model because again, back to what we were talking earlier about not offloading your thought leadership to AI, you probably shouldn't really offload your thought leadership to just a writer either. I want you to do a lot of that work on the front end of really trying to figure out what you're gonna say. So I what I didn't realize before becoming a speechwriter was how much of the best speeches are recycled from even professional speakers that you see. And so if you think about it in terms of like a band analogy, if you have a favorite band, do you have a favorite band or band you like? Yeah, sure. Okay, so let's just say you're gonna go see, you know, you two or you know, Taylor Swift, it could be any artist, right?

SPEAKER_00 44:29

Band or sync when they when they reunite.

SPEAKER_01 44:31

In sync when they reunite, we'll go to the sphere. Like the Backstreet Boys had their moment at the sphere when it was in sync. Anyway, um, if you think about your favorite artist, even if they come out with a new album, you know, if you go to the concert, the new artists they want to play their new album, sometimes they'll even play the whole thing. But they still they still also play their biggest top hits. Yes. So sometimes thinking of yourself, even if you're creating a speech, what have been some of your top hits in the past? Whether or not you've used them as speech or not, what stories have you shared or regularly shared that people really resonate with? What of your ideas have you shared before, just in conversation or on social media or anywhere else you're showing up that really represent who you are? So, in some ways, yes, you're starting with a blank slate, in other ways you're figuring out how to repurpose and reuse some of your best content again. A lot of times I always kind of I one thing I find very helpful is what I was talking about earlier with the, you know. Here's how to write a presentation quickly is even doing, are you familiar with Parkinson's law? So it's basically this concept that we always the work fills the time that we have. Okay. And so what can happen on speech writing is a couple things. One, we just procrastinate because we don't want to do it. So we just procrastinate it, or we get into the trap, we get stuck because of perfectionism. We want to wait until we have this glorious amount of time or everything lines up. I usually say, hey, what would it look like to spend a power hour? Just one hour. If you had to give this presentation tomorrow, what would it be? If you truly had to give it tomorrow, what would you give? And sketch out something because sometimes just that confidence of having something started, then you can start picking it apart and going, well, that's not it. And this is not it. And it needs to be this and it needs to be off of this other thing and need to develop it out. Does it take more than an hour to write a great speech? Absolutely. It can take a really long time. But spending one really concentrated hour going, if I had to give this tomorrow, what would it be? can help you kind of start begin to bucket. What are those core big concepts that you have? But then again, back to the whole brainstorming, you know, from the writing perspective. I find that, you know, I use a rule that I took from another speechwriter, Terry Zuplat. He was speech writer for Obama for eight years. He has a wonderful book, Say It Well, that he um is that's another fantastic published speaking read. But he has a rule and he calls the 50 50 2525. So you should spend 50% of your time thinking, thinking about the topic, brainstorming, processing through 25% the actual writing and structuring, and then making sure that you reserve 25% thinking through the delivery. So what you don't want to be doing is still writing your speech all the way up until the moment you're giving it and not give yourself enough time from that delivery practice perspective. But you are also often aren't ready to write until you've done that thought leadership work. Some people, it comes more naturally than others because maybe they're writing a new speech, but they've professionally been living the thing for 30 years. That's a lot different than maybe if you're asked to speak about something that maybe is a little bit outside of the box from your normal day-to-day job or what you normally communicate. So it comes in a variety of ways. But the biggest thing is that I always like to tell people speech writing is a very messy process. It's not clean and crisp and just this linear list of steps that's, you know, clean and organized. It can be that way sometimes, sometimes it is that way. More often than not, it's rearranging pieces of content, doing a additional brainstorm, realizing you have too much content, realizing that opening story doesn't tie into anything else, and and revisiting and re-going and moving around and rearranging. And that is the natural process. And then if it's a speech that you're going to give again, again, maybe you are developing out something that you do plan to give at industry conferences, or maybe you know, you're delivering it initially to your team, but then your boss is like, hey, you need to deliver it to all of these other, you know, these other teams within the company, is realizing that speeches are this living, breathing document that are always evolving and changing as well based on audience, who you're speaking to, what they need to know. So in a good world, you know, maybe you are able to retain 70, 80% of that base, but you're always gonna want to be, okay, what is actually resonating with people? Because on paper, even running it through with a speech coach, it will sound one way, but then you realize in front of a live audience, the way that that lands might be different than you expected. The humor that you thought was gonna slay didn't work. I don't know. Or maybe another piece, you know, you you weren't expecting people, every single person to come up to you afterwards to talk to you about the story you shared about your dad. And you might realize, oh, you know what? I actually need to expand that out and let that story breathe more because I didn't think it would, but for whatever reason, that's the piece that really seems to be resonating with my audience. And so kind of always having that kind of like nimbleness around it is one of the, I think, one of the best things you can do when it comes to that speech writing process. So do it fast, but then reevaluate and keep letting it, letting it breathe.

SPEAKER_00 49:22

Yeah. So someone could really get by with having one to three speeches that they kind of mix and match with different pieces, content, moving it around, because like you said, a lot of it is repurposed.

Checklist Freebie And Host Coaching

SPEAKER_01 49:37

Yeah, exactly. And so I mean, I fundamentally think that every working professional can should consider having just a base 30-minute that could, you know, be expanded either way, shorter or longer, but a 30-minute speech that represents who they are, that layers in their story and their expertise. And if they have, you know, a system or framework or just kind of that core concepts that you could give if you were asked, hey, can you speak at the rotary? Can you speak over here that you have available? But then for those who are interested in maybe making speaking be a bigger part of their professional career, whether it's to grow their business or their brand, or they want to make a full-time living from speaking, because speaking is fun, it's very fun. I would, I do, I actually recommend that people have four keynotes that they consider having if you want to go the more professional route. So you have that signature speech speech, maybe a business specific one, or maybe a nonprofit one, depending on what that signature one is, and then deep dive into you know a nuance of what you talk about. And then that thought leadership talk. What are you thinking about now? What is next for you? So if you have a book coming out in six months or a year, you know, that kind of new thing. Because again, ideally you'll be in a situation where you speak, people are like, that was amazing, that was incredible. Come back next year. You don't necessarily, you're probably not going to want to give the same exact talk the next year. So you're going to need something new there as well. But really dialing in that signature speech is always the first step because that is the one that can really grow your personal brand within your company and build your business and all of these other pieces. Even if you have no interest whatsoever in becoming a professional speaker, having a speech that you can give can really start to raise your influence and your credibility, even just in the organization you work in.

SPEAKER_00 51:18

Now you have a free document that people could download on 12 questions to ask. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 51:24

So 12 questions you must ask for a killer speech. And this just goes through it's a checklist of 12 questions. And then I always produce a lot of content. So it's about a 15-page document, and each question kind of breaks down like how do you tell a good story, humor. So it asks it has you ask questions of, hey, and even the final question is, hey, if I were to rank this talk from a one to 10, what would I give it? And are you happy with the ranking? And if not, maybe you revisit some of these questions of how can I add in more humor? Am I using jargon or some of these other questions that are within it?

SPEAKER_00 51:54

Okay, I love that. We're gonna put that in the show notes for sure so that people can find it. Okay, a couple final questions for you. I would love for you to give me some feedback based on what you've seen so far, even just today. How could I be a better presenter, podcast host?

SPEAKER_01 52:15

Okay, well, I think you've done a wonderful job. And there's a lot of strengths that you have that I think we can all learn. I think one, you have exceptionally good eye contact in what you're speaking. I'm sure that translates over. And one thing that obviously there's just two of us today, but one thing that makes your eye contact really good is you're holding that full thought with a person, you're not looking all over. So very, I feel like you have very positive body language. And I feel overall, I feel like the structure was really great. So I don't know if I have a ton of feedback, filler words, we can all work on them. I once it came up, you you were I could see your brain self-editing a few times, and I found myself doing it too. I think just so reminding yourself to really have fun, to have fun with it. And then one thing I always tell podcast hosts specifically and YouTube shows is that people tune into your show because they love you. And so sometimes I think that because you're so eager to highlight the guests, be willing to share more of your own stories interspersed throughout because people want to hear your stories, which is why they follow your show. Yes, they want to hear the guests, but ultimately they're here for you. So I always just say, have a little more, you know, have a little more fun even adding in some of your own stories as you're interviewing the guests as well. Because I think everyone will agree in the comments of your show that they they they tune in because they love the way that you host and your style, which means that you resonate with them and they want to hear more from you and even going deeper on those personal stories.

SPEAKER_00 53:40

Thank you for the feedback. What do you think about when so when you're talking and me agreeing at the same time? Do you think there should be silence from me?

SPEAKER_01 53:53

Or do you think there should be I feel that that's an age old question. I personally like the verbal affirmations as it is going and that just makes me feel good as a guest. I think, I think, I think it works. Have you gotten feedback before that maybe it doesn't?

SPEAKER_00 54:08

Only once or twice, but it's one of those things where it's the one person. Right. It's the one person cycling through the thousands. And I'm thinking, man, maybe I should just be silent when the other person's talking. Because apparently it can maybe, I don't know, mess up the audio for our podcast listeners. And they're like, I think I think it's good. I think you're very engaging as a host. Another question I have for you. When you think about the way you want to show up, how would you describe it?

SPEAKER_01 54:35

I want to show up authentically. I feel like authenticity is such a word that's thrown around, but I really want to show up as the best, the best, most authentic version of myself. And so for me, that means that I'm gonna use self-deprecating humor and stories because that's true to who I am. I also want to always make sure that I'm showing up as somebody who's learning and eager to learn. I feel that I've been at this public speaking space, communication space for a couple decades. I have so much to learn. I'm learning new things all of the time. Things I said two or three years ago, I don't still agree with all of them. And I hope that I always show up in that way that's like nimble to learn from others. And then in general, I always want to give credit where where it's due. I never want to rob someone else's thought leadership and pretend like it's mine. So at least I always try to kind of give credit with, oh, that I took this idea from this person, I took this idea from that person. And then I always, I'm a very practical person. I like to know what to do the next step. And so I always want to show up. Authentic to me also means, hey, I like practical. What do I apply today? So I always want to make sure I show up in that way. So to me, that's what authenticity means for me. And that's the way I really like to show up.

SPEAKER_00 55:50

What are the habits you have, whether it's through learning or through practicing, that help you show up that way?

SPEAKER_01 55:58

Yeah, that's a great one. Well, I don't have as many disciplined habits as I would like because I have four children. And so all these people are like, get up at 6 a.m. I was like, there's always children awake all of the time. And when you have teenagers, like literally someone is always awake all of the time. No quiet time. Um, a big one for me though was actually uh something I took from a client a couple of years ago. I don't know if you've read Michael Easter's book, The Comfort Crisis. I haven't, but they've recommended it. So good. He's an amazing, he's an amazing person. The book is phenomenal. But one of the things he highlights in it is rucking. So walking with a weighted backpack. You can just use a weighted backpack or they sell the vests. And so I start every day before I dive into work, going a 30-minute ruck in the morning. Nice. And I, for me, that is just like I've got to get that movement going before I start, you know, doing doing the mind work. And then I try to take more frequent breaks. I mean, every couple hours, like I like to walk around a lot, getting outside, trying to get outside on that morning ruck and other times without my phone. I don't always succeed. Don't always succeed. But making sure that I'm spending time in the real world outside to me is one of the best ways to kind of, you know, re-refresh. And because I do so much thinking work, I'm always hearing speeches, I'm consuming so much content. I would say in general, a lot more of my hobbies are more like cooking, you know, getting outside, doing like more like physical things because I use my mind so much for things. So I would guess those would be a couple of the couple of the habits I have. That's so cool. Rucking.

Key Takeaways And What To Do Next

SPEAKER_00 57:29

I'm rucking. I wouldn't have guessed it. So there you go. Start start your day going outside. Yeah, and rucking. Yeah, I love it. Eva, I have so enjoyed our conversation.

SPEAKER_01 57:39

It has been so fun. Thank you so much for having me. Yes, 100%.

SPEAKER_00 57:43

Here are some of my takeaways from today's conversation with Eva. First of all, I loved the feedback that she gave me and the reminder to be authentically me. That's true for you too. She said it multiple times in her own conversation. Be authentic. Don't try and delegate what you want to say or your speech writing or your thought leadership. That needs to come from you, especially in today's society. Be more authentically you. Number two, remove those filler words, y'all. I use like and um way too much. I'm going to become way more intentional in noticing that. And it's going to start today. I feel a little bit hypocritical. Just a couple of days ago, I told a team member, hey, watch how many they asked for this feedback. And I said, my only feedback I have for you over the past week is don't use like as much. And then here I am using like. Ugh, can't stand it. What about you? What are those filler words you use that if you could just remove those from your speech, automatically you would come across more powerfully in your communication? Number three, the pause. How much more powerful is it to provide those pauses in your communication so that the things you say land with impact? You can see that I did it there. Now you can pause too much at places that it doesn't make sense. And people will think, why is she talking in such a weird cadence? Or you can use your speech and use the pauses strategically in order for different words and different points that you want to hit to land with momentum. That's what you want to think about. So before you start your next presentation, allow for that power pause. Allow for the room to breathe so that all eyes can come on you before you take control. Those are my three takeaways from today's episode. Share this with a friend. Leave a comment if you're watching on YouTube. Be sure that you subscribe, or if you're listening on podcasts, be sure you hit that follow button. Until next week, stay strong.