I Feel Like The Sacrifice God Hasn't Used Yet

I felt cut open and exposed.

Not metaphorically. Like I had poured out every single thing I had and was just lying there, waiting on God to move.

The last two years have been some of the hardest of my life. My dad's cancer. Financial stress. A lot of change all at once. I got to the end of my rope and thought, God, I've given everything I know how to give. Now what?

Then I opened up Genesis 15.

If you've studied this chapter, you know it's where God makes a covenant with Abraham. The cut-open animals. The blazing torch. The smoking firepot. Most people read right past it. But once you understand what's actually happening, it changes everything.

In this video, I walk through that story. The covenant Abraham was too afraid to walk through. The deep, dreadful darkness that fell over him. And the moment God did something no one saw coming.

I also share why I've felt less like Abraham lately and more like those animals on the altar. And what Romans 12:1 has to do with all of it.

Because here's the shift. So much of our faith gets stuck on what God can do for us. The promise. The purpose. The good he'll work out for our lives. All true. But it was never supposed to be about us.

We're called to be a living sacrifice. Cut open. Poured out. So that God can work through us for his glory, not just our comfort.

That's a hard thing to sit in. Especially in a season like this one.

But it's also where the hope is. Not in what we can see. In what we can't.

Count it all joy. Even now. Especially now.

I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended.

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Transcript

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Have you ever felt cut open and exposed? I know that sounds crazy, but stay with me for a minute because if you've ever been in a situation in your life where you have just felt like you have poured out every single thing that you have, that you have no idea what's going to happen next, that you're waiting on God to move, you're waiting on God to do something, then I have a story that I want to share with you. And it's actually a story from Scripture. It's gonna start in Genesis 15, but we're gonna kind of skip around the Bible a little bit. One of the things that I have found is that having a morning routine that has a study of scripture in it is one of the best things that I can do personally that sets my day up for success. It also helps to ground me, it helps to focus me, it helps me to realize that there's more to life and more important things in life than just my day-to-day obstacles and frustrations. But the thing is, the crazier and more hectic that life gets, the harder it can be in my schedule and maybe in yours too, to find that time and set it aside. And so the framework that I use and that I talk about a lot on this YouTube channel is a framework called the Pies. It's focusing on yourself physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. And so today I'm really focusing on that spiritual aspect. It's an important aspect of us as individuals. And when we focus on becoming the best that we can be spiritually and being grounded spiritually and pouring into ourselves

Feeling Cut Open And Exposed

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spiritually so that we can live in line with our beliefs and values and have stronger faith, then it makes an overall impact in how we show up in our day-to-day lives. And if I haven't met you before, my name is Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. I'm glad that you're here today, as I invite you to study scripture with me. Today we're going to be talking about Genesis 15. The context setting up Genesis 15 is that there is this guy in the Old Testament. His name is Abram. His name is later turned to

A Simple Scripture Morning Routine

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Abraham. You've probably heard of him. And God calls him early on in the book of Genesis to leave his hometown and to go to the place where God would call him to go. And so he does that. There's a lot of obstacles that happen along the way, but Abram is faithful. And so he goes where God calls him to go. And there comes a point where God tells Abraham, Abram, I'll call him Abraham from this point forward, that he wants to set a covenant with him. And so in Genesis 15, God tells Abraham, I am your shield, I am your very great reward. Now, Abraham has had wars that he's had to fight, people he's had to fight as he's entered into the place and followed God to where he believed that, or where God was calling him to go. And so it just starts with God saying, I just want you to remember, Abram, do not be afraid. I am your shield. I am your very great reward. But the thing was that Abraham had no children at this point. So he had left everything he had known to follow where God wanted him to go. And he didn't have a legacy

Abraham’s Fear And God’s Promise

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that he was going to leave. He kind of felt like he was doing all of this, and for what point, and for what purpose. And so we see in verse 2, Genesis 15, verse 2, Abram said, Sovereign Lord, what can you give me since I remain childless? And the one who will inherit my estate is Eliezer of Damascus. And Abram said, You have given me no children, so a servant in my household must be the one to be my heir. Abram is trying to continue to figure out like, what is the plan from here? Then the word of the Lord came to him, This man will not be your heir, but a son who is your own flesh and blood will be your heir. The Lord took Abram outside and said, Look up at the sky and count the stars, if indeed you can count them. And then he said to him, So shall your offspring be. Now God was making a promise to Abraham, who had no children, that he was not going to just have a child, but he was going to have a multitude of offspring that were going to come from him. And in verse six, we see where Abram believed what God told him. Abraham believed the Lord, and God credited it to Abraham as righteousness, not because of anything that Abram did or Abraham did, but simply because Abraham heard what God said and he said, Okay, I then believe that you are going to do this. But more happened. He also said to him, the Lord said to Abraham, I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Ur of the Chaldeans to give you this land to take possession of it. But Abram said, Sovereign Lord, how can I know that I will gain possession of it? So the Lord said to him, I want you to bring me animals. I want you to bring me these animals, and I want you to cut them open. And so Abram brought all of these animals to him, cut them in two, and arranged the halves opposite of each other. The birds, however, he did not cut in half. Then the birds of prey came down on the carcasses, but Abram drove them away. So here's the thing that you may have missed if you've never really dug into this story and what is going on here. What is being set up is called a suzerain vassal covenant. This was very common in ancient times and in ancient practices, but this is exactly what's happening. In a suzerain vassal covenant, the suzerain, who is the greater, the greater person, so a king or a ruler, the stronger person in a covenant agreement. And then there's the vassal who is the lesser in an agreement. They would enter into a covenant together. And the way they would do this is whatever the promise was, whatever they were agreeing to, whether it be land or to not fight each other or whatever it might be, they would bring animals as a way of establishing the covenant. So they'd bring these animals, they would cut them in two, and they would place them on two sides of kind of like a little bit of a valley. And when they would do this, then you would have each pe each person, the suzerain and the vassal, would walk through the middle of the cut open animals in order to agree to the covenant. And it was also a way of them saying that this is also the consequence. If I don't live up to my side of the deal, then may I be as these animals. Cut open, exposed,

The Ancient Covenant Ritual Explained

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dead. A violent ending is ultimately what it's what it was and what it was for. And so the suzerain would walk through, the vassal would walk through, and that would be how they would agree to their covenant. It would be how they would make it. And so that is exactly what is being set up here. Many people, many scholars, many theologians have said that Genesis 15 is perhaps the most important book of the entire, most important chapter of the entire Old Testament. Because it is in this chapter that we actually see what God is doing. Because what we see here is God tells Abraham, I'm gonna make a suzerain vassal covenant with you. I'm gonna make a covenant with you. And Abraham has likely done something like this before in his time. He knew how to do it. It was common in his time. Abraham also knew what he was committing to. And so as we continue to read, we see something strange happens. We see that immediately they didn't walk through the covenant. The animals were there long enough that birds of prey started to come down. It was more than just a couple of minutes, it was more than just a couple of hours. I don't know how long it was, maybe it was a couple of days, maybe this happened early in the morning, and by the evening, Abraham still hadn't walked through the covenant. And he was supposed to. He was the lesser, he was the vassal. He should have gone first, but he wasn't. And in fact, what we see here in verse 12 is as the sun was setting, Abraham fell into a deep sleep, and a thick and dreadful darkness came over him. I think that Abraham was so overcome and so overwhelmed with knowing that he was gonna have to hold up this end of the deal with God and knew he was never gonna be able to do it. That he fell into this deep depression. He felt like he was gonna have to work in order to bring about his offspring, to bring about all of these things that God had said was going to happen to him, but he didn't know if he was ultimately gonna be able to live up to his end of the deal. And so he couldn't do it. And he fell into this depression, into this gloom, into this, I am not good enough. There's no way I could ever do what's required of me in order to make this happen. But that is where God shows up. Then the Lord said to him, Know for certain that for 400 years your descendants will be strangers in a country not their own, and they will be enslaved and mistreated there. But I will punish the nation they serve as slaves, and afterward they will come out with great possessions, which all of this is God prophesying. All of these things ended up happening. This is when the Israelites were put in slavery in Egypt, they did make

Abraham’s Darkness And Deep Sleep

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their way out. They were there for 400, just over 400 years. They did make their way out with great possessions, took a bunch of plunder on their way out. You, however, as it continues, will go to your ancestors in peace and be buried at a good old age. Abraham, you're gonna, you're gonna die. You're not gonna see these things. In the fourth generation, your descendants will come back here, for the sin of the Amorites has not yet reached its full measure. So God is telling him, your descendants, there's gonna be a lot of them. And in 400 years from now, they are gonna come back here. God is just continuing to tell him, I can see the future, I know what's gonna happen, it's going to be okay. And Abraham still doesn't walk. When the sun had set and darkness had fallen, a smoking firepot and a blazing torch appeared and passed between the pieces. On that day, the Lord made a covenant with Abram and said to your descendants, I give this land all of it. And he outlines what land they were gonna get. Abraham couldn't walk, he didn't walk. And so ultimately what ends up happening is God through a blazing torch and a smoking fire pot walks through for both of them, ultimately saying, if I fail on my end of the deal, then I will take all of the burden. And if you fail on your end of the deal, I will also take all of the burden. This is the gospel. This is foreshadowing what Jesus came to do and still does for us. He took the burden, all of the blame, all of our sin. He's the one who died for it, not us, but we get to receive the covenant of it. We get to receive the blessing of it. This is pivotal, foundational, fundamental

God Takes Both Sides

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in understanding the love that God has for us and his everlasting promise, his everlasting love, his loving kindness, his mercy, his compassion that lasts from generation to generation. We see clearly in Genesis 15. And Abram couldn't do it on his own. He was scared, he was depressed. But the thing was, God never intended for Abraham to have to take the burden of that covenant on him because there's no way he could have done it. Now, here's the thing. A couple of days, as I said, like I've been thinking about this for the past few weeks. And a couple of days ago, I woke up and I thought, and I said this to my husband, I said, I feel like those animals. I don't feel like Abram or Abraham. I don't, I don't feel like I'm waiting for God to necessarily make a covenant with me. I feel like I am the cut open, exposed, like, God, what are you doing? What do you want me to do? I'm waiting for something good to happen from the mess that I am in. I'm waiting for your covenant to walk through, for your goodness to show through, because I feel like I'm at my wit's end. There's just been a lot. Over the past two years, there's just been a lot that's happened in my life. My dad got cancer. We've had financial issues. There's been a lot of changes at work. There's been a lot that's gone on. I think for all of us, we get to the end of our rope and maybe feel cut open and exposed and like God, I've given everything I know to give. But I thought that was weird, right? Like, why do I feel? Why do I feel like the sacrificial animals? And then I thought of Romans 12, one. So in Romans 12, now we're in the New Testament,

When Life Makes You Feel Split Open

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and this is where Paul is basically telling people like how the whole thing fits together. He's helping people understand what Jesus has come to do, what it means for them, that they can be sure of their salvation. But in being sure of their salvation, does that mean that they should go on sinning? By no means. He he kind of ties it all together in the letter of Romans. And so we see in Romans 12:1, he says this. Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. This is your true and proper worship. I think many times as as Christians, and I know this is this is true for me, we hear a lot and talk a lot, and maybe not too much, but maybe sometimes too much, about how God's going to work everything together for our good, which is true, and is also said in Romans, in Romans 8, 28. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. So we know that God does do that, but I think sometimes our Christian faith

Living Sacrifice And True Worship

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and focus can be way too me-focused. Like, okay, God, what's the promise you're gonna make me? What is your purpose for my life? When in actuality, he's told us his plan for us and his purpose for our lives, all of us as a whole. Our purpose when we are followers of Jesus is to go into all of the world, making disciples of all nations. We see that at the end of Matthew, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to become my disciples. And I will be with you always until the very end of the age. It's the same for every single one of us. Now, the way that God does that and the way that that plays out in our lives may look different, but it's not about us. It's not about us, it's not about what we do, it's about how we fall into what God already has going on. And so I think about those animals in Genesis 15. Like their purpose was to be a sacrifice so that God's covenant could occur and go into the world. And I think that's the same thing for us. Like we are a living sacrifice, cut open, exposed, so that God can work through us and in us for his purpose to occur in the world. Offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, where our desires, our sinful nature, our hopes, our dreams that are untested by the will of God, that are not being guided by the Holy Spirit, that those are not what takes the realm, what takes home, what guides us, but that it is how do we submit? Because ultimately, it's not as much about being the things that happen in our life. God does work for good, but it's not supposed to be for our good. It's for his glory. It's a mindset shift. It's a mindset shift that I think is difficult for people who aren't followers of Jesus to understand because it shifts from how do I avoid pain and suffering and be happy at all cost to how do I embrace the pain and the suffering, like in James, how it tells us, count it all as joy, count all the pain, trials, tribulations, temptations that you go through, all of it is joy because in that it creates a new character and perseverance, which ultimately leads you to have hope. Hope in things that are not seen. No one has hope in the things that they see because they see it. It's the unseen that gives us our hope. Being able to endure and knowing that through endurance and through that perseverance, our faith is what is refined. And that is the that is the treasure. It's the faith. Abraham believed God. He had faith. Even when he was depressed, scared, terrified, he had faith that God was going to do what God said he was gonna do, and that was what was credited to him as righteousness. It was nothing else that he did. And that that's broken down even more in Romans, at the beginning of Romans, talking about that part of Abraham. It wasn't by his works

Trials, Joy, Wisdom, And Steady Faith

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because he could have never done enough. It was by his faith that all of these things came to be. And it's by faith that you and I are saved. It's by faith that we know that no matter what trials here on earth, we will endure and we will endure them. Romans talks about that. The earth is groaning as in pains of childbirth, waiting for its new birth and its new creation. We are too. There's things, there are groanings that are going to happen within us because this world is not our home. We are citizens of somewhere else, not here. But right now, we are sent here, we are ambassadors here, we are messengers here, and we are to be a living sacrifice, which is painful, which is not easy. But that is our calling, and so count it all as joy whenever you face trials and temptations of many kinds, because it is in that that the Lord is doing a new thing in you. I think it's interesting that in Genesis 15, it's a smoking firepot and a blazing torch that walk through. There is a cloud and there is fire that walk through. And we see throughout the Old Testament that when God is leading his people through the wilderness, how does he do that? He is a cloud by day and he is fire by night. It is the it is the symbol that we see of God's presence. We see it other times in the Old Testament where he shows up through fire or through clouds. And we see it in the New Testament in Acts 2 when it says that as the Holy Spirit was coming down, what they saw, see they saw what seemed to be tongues of fire, and all of them were filled with the Holy Spirit. So we know that those in Scripture are ways that God shows up, and that's what he was doing then. He was a cloud and he was fire to show that I will always be with you in some way. I am guiding you. And so, now what? We know we can see the heart of God, his love for us, his care for us, and the fact that in Genesis 15, he set the covenant where he took it all on. In the Gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, when Jesus dies on the cross for our sins, that is the fulfillment of the covenant, and we are still living in the ability to accept that for his. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like the wave of sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. So, what does that mean? It means when you face trials, give joy. When you're unsure of what to do, ask for wisdom. And overall, have faith that God is never gonna leave you, never gonna forsake you. And don't doubt. I know that's a weird thing where it says at the end, he who doubts is like a wave of sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord because they're double-minded and unstable in all they do. But what that means when James is saying that is he, James is describing a life of instability and uncertainty. It's a person who just continues to be like wishy-washy, go back and forth. It's a person who's trying to live two contradictory lifestyles at once. So don't have faith in God, trust him. It's never gonna look perfect, it's never gonna be perfect, but don't try and have faith in God and try to add in all of this other stuff, like things from other religions or trying to just live in your own sinful desires, thinking that God's gonna bless that in some way. No, it's talking about living a life that's pure and holy, dedicated to God as a living, as a living sacrifice, believing that God is never gonna leave or forsake you, and that through all of the trials that you experience, that good is gonna come from it. Because as it said in Romans, God works all things for good for those who love him. That's all I have for today. And study scripture with me. I encourage you to always go and study it for yourself. The word is accessible to everyone. And one of the things I always love to say is, uh, and this is a very old Jewish teaching mindset, something that they would say, is that the word of God is like a multifaceted diamond because every time you turn it in different light, it looks different. You see it from a different angle. But you can read the same story in the Bible. It's alive. That is also what James tells us. It's alive and breathing. And so it's always going to have not new interpretation, but you're gonna be able to see things in it that were gonna apply to you in one season differently than you would see things that apply to you in a different season that you're gonna see differently in that spot. So I always encourage you to go and do that for yourself. Leave a comment. I always love to hear from you. Share this with someone who might need it. And until next week, stay strong.