What To Do When You Feel Like A Failure

I failed my driver's test before I ever pulled out of the parking lot.

Sixteen years old. Red Miata convertible. The one thing I wanted more than anything.

Gone in under a minute.

I sat through the rest of that test convinced I could win her over. I couldn't. And all I could think about was that everyone at school was going to know. All my friends were going to know. I was the girl who failed.

I've been driving for twenty years now. I almost never think about it.

Here's what I want you to hear. You will fail at things. People will judge you for it. I'm not going to sit here and promise you that everyone is kind and nobody is watching, because that isn't true. Sometimes they are watching. Sometimes they are judging.

But you only get two options.

Sit in it and let it define you.

Or decide what you do next.

Maybe right now the failure everyone can see is your marriage. Your spouse left. You're the one sitting alone at church. Your kids are struggling and people notice. It feels like your whole life is on display and you're the cautionary tale.

You still get to decide what comes next.

Also in this episode, I'm answering your questions.

How do you carry the emotional pain of a spouse who has been unfaithful and is telling people lies about you.

Why your husband may be hiding the truth from you, and the uncomfortable question you have to ask yourself before trust can ever get rebuilt. Fair warning, this is the kind of answer that gets me hate mail.

What to do when your spouse moves back home but sleeps in the guest room and clearly isn't there for the marriage.

Then Coach Meredith joins me to talk about what she's seeing inside the Coaching Lab, why people make progress faster in groups, and how much it changes things when someone finally notices you're growing.

In Study Scripture With Me, we're in Psalm 23. I walked that terrain in Israel and it completely changed how I read this psalm. Sheep don't lie down because you make them. Sheep lie down because they feel safe. That one detail reframes the entire thing.

And in the Hot Seat, I answered rapid fire questions while doing burpees. We still don't agree on how many I actually did.

You will fail. Things will not go as planned. People will judge you.

Get back up, drive forward, and prove them wrong.

I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended.

The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine."

We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health.

If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here.

New episodes every Thursday.

Don't just exist. Show up.

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Transcript

When Failure Feels Defining

SPEAKER_02 0:00

What do you do when you feel like you've failed? And everyone's judging you. I can't even pick up the freaking piece. Years ago, I was crying on my bathroom floor. My marriage was falling apart. And that was the day I stopped waiting for everything to change, and I started changing myself. I did it by working on my pies, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. Am I perfect? Nope. Still seeking, still trying. And I'm bringing you with me. This is the Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes Show. So when I was 16 years old, I had my dream car. My mom had bought me this red Mazda Miata convertible at 16, which was crazy. And so on my 16th birthday, I did what every 16-year-old does. I went to go and take my driver's test to get my driver's license to finally be free. And when I was still in the parking lot of my driver's test, like the person was in the seat with me or in the car with me, I was still in the parking lot before I even pulled out of the parking lot. I had failed my driver's test. Why did I fail my driver's test? Because I was about to pull out, but there was a car coming around the curve. And she said, even though I didn't actually pull out, she said, You've already failed. Do you want to continue the test or not? I was heartbroken. I was absolutely shattered. My whole life pretty much flew before my eyes in that moment because the one thing I wanted more than anything else, I had failed. And everyone was gonna know it. Everyone at school was gonna know it. All of my friends were gonna know it. They were gonna know that I had failed. And I remember continuing on with my driver's test, thinking I will show her. I will win her over over the rest of the test. But I didn't. I didn't win her over. I still got to the end. I still failed. And I truly remember that day feeling like this is the moment that was going to define me. I remember talking to my dad, crying about it, saying, I'm never gonna be able to get over this. I'm never gonna be able to come back from this. And he said, Yes, you are. Yes, you are. Years from now, you're gonna look back at this and it's just gonna be a blip on the radar. But I couldn't see it then. But here's the thing: a month later, I went back, took my driver's test, passed. Rarely think about that. Rarely think about that moment. It could have been the thing that defined me because I could have chosen not to. I could have chosen to not drive again. I could have chosen to say, you know what, I failed. Therefore, I'm too scared to go back and do it again. But no, I decided that I was going to do what it took for me to pass, for me to ultimately move forward, for me to drive forward, for me to be able to get my license, have my independence, and all of the things. And that's what I did. But there's a moment in all of our lives where you feel like you have failed and everyone is judging you, and it can become crippling. I've been driving for 20 years now. 20 years, but there was a moment where I could have decided to completely give it up. What is it for you right now? Maybe it's the fact that your spouse has left you or filed for divorce and everyone is seeing it. Everyone sees that you're alone at church, everyone sees that your kids are struggling, everyone sees and you feel like that you have failed, and they're judging you. And you know what? Here's the thing. There are times in life where you fail. And there are gonna be people who judge you. I am not here to say that it's all gonna be fine and good. No, these things absolutely happen. The question for you is what are you gonna let define you? Are you gonna just sit in the judgment, sit in the fear, sit in the failure, and wallow and throw a pity party? Or are you gonna learn what you need to, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, and move forward and prove them wrong. And prove yourself wrong. Because those are the only two options you have. Sit in it, let it define you, or let yourself define what you do next. As I said, I've been driving 20 years. I never think about the fact that I failed my driver's test. Except for when my husband says that I'm not driving well. Other than that, I never think about it. And it's not something that defines me. There's been tons of different instances in my life where I have failed. Truly failed, and where I have felt like people have judged me. Truly. And some of them have been. But you can either let those people define you, or you can define what you're gonna do next. So my encouragement is for you to define it and to do something that's worthwhile. You will fail. Things will not go as planned. People will judge you. So get back up, drive forward, and prove

Listener Questions On Marriage Pain

SPEAKER_02 5:28

them wrong. And we are back with dynamic dialogue with Dr. Holmes.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

Is that what we're going with?

SPEAKER_02 5:35

I listen, I'm waiting for other insight.

SPEAKER_00 5:39

Waiting for more responses. Someone please give us a good name for the time.

SPEAKER_02 5:43

Someone, please. Someone please.

SPEAKER_00 5:46

Okay, first question on this episode.

Unfaithfulness And Not Owning Shame

SPEAKER_00 5:49

This person says, How do I get over the emotional pain that is caused by my spouse's unfaithfulness and vilification of me? It's hard to be pleasant and joyful when dealing with this kind of pain on a regular basis.

SPEAKER_02 6:00

So I'm assuming from the way this question is worded that it's a continual. It's not something that happened in the past and now it's they're trying to rebuild trust and put their relationship back together, but it's still ongoing. Is that what you would interpret?

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:16

You have to consciously and continually decide that you are not going to take that on as true about yourself. And that really is the bottom line. There are certain types of people, depending on your personality style, depending on your attachment style, how you grew up, the things people say about you matter a lot to you and can deeply, deeply affect you. I am one of those people, full disclosure. And one of the things that I have had to learn over the years is to really understand what are the things that they are saying that is true that I need to take ownership and should take ownership of and apologize versus what is what is not true? What is more, what is saying more about them than it is about me? And what should I not take on for myself? Now, I don't know if this, if this listener is a male or a female, but one of the things, is it a did they say their husband?

SPEAKER_00 7:19

Uh she said her husband.

SPEAKER_02 7:20

Okay. Okay, so this is woman. This is even harder for women, and here's why. We are biologically primed as women to want to belong in community. Because if you think back to, you know, Paleolithic era type of type of times, women did life together. Their husbands went out and did the hunting and the gathering, but women were society. And to be isolated from that main group of women meant damage to your future. It meant damage to your, not just your reputation, but your ability to live and be able to live outside of that community. Like your livelihood depended on being liked by other people. So I think that that's an important thing just to understand as a woman is that there's a part of us and a part of our brains that is wired this way for a reason. God made us this way, and we can pick up on these things way more than men can. The social cues of it matter to us way more than it does to men. It doesn't make us weaker. It means that we are blessed and gifted in different ways. And these are the same things that allow us to know and understand when someone's upset with us, to pick up on emotional IQ or emotional cues from our husbands, from our friends when we know things are just off, right? We know that more innately as women. That's why we also talk about the gut instinct being it's so important with women and why we should listen to it because our brains are actually picking up on things that our conscious isn't even getting to yet, but I'm getting off course. The bottom line of it is yes, it's hard. You have to make a choice. And I think even just the awareness of this is how my brain is primed as a woman, and maybe even based on my past and my personality, I'm more likely to feel this negative way about myself. So go and consciously look for the people in your life who can help speak truth to you and help you see the good about you and help you feel like you aren't crazy because you're gonna feel crazy the more you believe these negative things about yourself. You need that other group of people in your life, even if it's just one or two other people who can help bring you back to reality, see what's true, and stay focused on the things that actually matter. That's what I would recommend.

SPEAKER_00 9:36

Julie from Florida says, I found several repeat instances of emotional and financial infidelity by my husband. And despite his promises about working on us and learning his lesson, I keep finding out more. I get a tiny drop drop of truth only after his own behavior lets me know something is up, and I start digging. He has never admitted the whole truth. I know things he has not yet admitted. He keeps telling me he's committed to this marriage but doesn't change his behavior. He just hides it more creatively. How can I approach communication in a way that gets us to trust each other again? Because emotionally I'm a train wreck and he doesn't know how to convey his emotions at all. We've been married nearly 28 years and I truly care for him. I just don't know how to reach him anymore, and I'm not sure he wants me to. It all feels so broken, and I'm tired of fighting for this alone.

Truth Drips And Trust Breaks

SPEAKER_02 10:21

So if this has been going on just over the past couple of years, let's say, then my question is, why is he scared of telling the truth? Is it because when he does tell you the truth about things that you beat him over the head with it? Not not really, but like emotionally, verbally, that you attack him and say, How in the world could you do this? I can't believe it. Is he, is he, has he been taught by you to lie to you? And I know that sounds harsh, but we teach other people, we can teach other people to lie to us when they are too scared to tell us the truth. Does that make it right? No, I'm not talking about it being right or wrong. I'm talking about this is how behavior works. This is how human behavior happens. So why is he scared to tell you the truth if this is something that is new? Now, if you're saying for 28 years he's never told me the truth and you're wanting to know how to communicate in order to rebuild trust, you don't have a rebuild trust problem. You have the fact that your husband cannot tell the truth. Therefore, he needs much deeper help than what you can give, than what I can give. There's something that's happened from his past that has made him feel like he cannot tell the truth and that he has to cover it up, probably some type of deep trauma. And so the encouragement I would say to you is you can't fix this with the two of you. You have to go and encourage him to go and get like EMDR type therapy, something like that, where he can really dive into why he keeps doing this. If he's wanting to make things work, then that would be my recommendation if this has been a 28-year pattern. If this has not been a 28-year pattern, then my first recommendation to you is is there a pattern in your relationship where you are unintentionally teaching him to lie to lie to you? And if that's true, I would rectify that first.

SPEAKER_00 12:16

Okay, last question for this.

SPEAKER_02 12:18

Can I just say something? People aren't gonna like that answer, and here's why. Because whenever I give answers that makes it sound like the innocent party is the one to blame, I always get hate. But can you understand how there's never two totally innocent people in any situation? And number two, I'm not justifying his lying. His lying is wrong, but you can't control him. You can't control him telling the truth, you can't force it out of him. You can't, I mean, I guess you could put it up to a lie detector, but even then you're not gonna trust the results because they're not accurate 100% of the time. So, polygraph test, whatever, all of that. The problem is that there's a fundamental balance in the relationship if it's something that just started happening. There's a fundamental balance in the relationship that has led the other person to feel like they can't be open and safe. The only thing you can do, again, I'm not saying what they're doing is right, but the only thing you can now do is the only thing you can do, which is how do I conduct myself in a way and respond to them in such a way where they can feel safe sharing things with me, even when they're gonna be hard to hear, and not attacking them for telling me that truth.

Spouse Moves Back Into Guest Room

SPEAKER_00 13:33

This person says, My husband moved back in after six months, but he is in the guest room. It doesn't seem like he came back to work on our relationship. Mostly he is back because he felt guilty and wanted to be back with our sons. How should I approach this?

SPEAKER_02 13:47

I know a lot of times that people, when they are the standing spouse, when they are the person who wants to make the relationship work, they are so serious about every single thing that happens. And I get it because you're scared of your marriage ending and ending in divorce. You want to do everything you can to pull your spouse back. But there becomes an overanalyzing of every single thing that happens. Your husband has moved back home. Okay, if he doesn't want to work on the marriage, fine. But he's there. If he's there for your son, great. That shows that he's a great father. So now what do you do? You do all of the same things that I would tell you to do, even if he wasn't living at home, even if he was at home and wanting to make the marriage work. You continue to work on you, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually, to become the best that you can so that you become a more grounded, calm, confident, strong version of you. You do that because it's the best thing for you, regardless. And the secondary benefit is if anything works to attract your spouse back to you, these are the things that will. Great. Do that. You continue to practice smart communication. Don't make every single conversation you have with him when you're passing in the hallway, when you're eating dinner together at the table. Don't try and make everything about your relationship. Don't try and find ways to make things about your relationship. Just be normal. Have fun. Ask about his day. Watch a soccer game together. Do life just as you normally would and treat him like you're becoming friends with him. That's the mindset that I want you to take into this because that's how attraction and following or following the love path works. You become attracted to someone, and then you really do build this aspect of friendship. That's the whole part of the acceptance path of the love path. And as you build the acceptance, that's what creates intimacy. The intimacy is what wants to draw, is what makes you want to draw closer to the other person and connect with them. That's the step you're on right now. So don't overthink this. Work on you, have normal conversations about things that aren't about your marriage and see where it goes from there. Those all the questions for today?

SPEAKER_00 16:08

Yes, those are all the questions.

SPEAKER_02 16:09

Okay.

How To Submit Your Questions

SPEAKER_02 16:10

I love answering your questions. If you want to ask even more, or if you want to ask your question, I answer them every single week on this show. Go to my Instagram at Kimberly BeamHolmes. Follow me, send me a message with the word pies, P-I-E-S. It will auto send you a message back with a form that you can fill out to submit your question to be answered on a future show. I would love to do that. Let's go to this commercial break.

Coaching Lab Community And Structure

SPEAKER_02 16:37

We have started something brand new at Marriage Helper. We're actually about to end the first round that we have done of this. We're calling it the coaching lab. And this was really birthed out of the desire to help more people have access to coaching and to community while also teaching them a curriculum to help them learn what to do. And so it's been really amazing. And I am here with one of our coaches, Coach Meredith. Hello, who I love dearly and is an amazing coach. And one of the things I just want to hear, Meredith, is of the about six weeks that you have been in the current coaching lab, what are some of the wins that you have seen in clients?

SPEAKER_01 17:19

Yeah, I love the coaching lab. I'm a big believer in group work. And I think the research will show that people can actually make more progress faster in groups. So I was quick to advocate for the small groups. So groups have um six people in them. I've got one group that has five. I've got one group that has six. And I have seen some incredible wins. I would say what I'm hearing from almost everybody in the group is I feel less alone. Um, this is a safe place where I can come and process what's going on in my mind, and I feel understood, I feel less crazy. There are other people going through something similar to what I am going through. So I think that's valuable. But there's one client in particular that I've just seen her self-awareness grow a lot in the last few weeks. And um, she's one of many of us that when we're first going through something really stressful like this, we have a hard time slowing our nervous system down. And what I would say, what I would call responding as opposed to reacting. And she's been a big reactor. So her husband pushes her and she pushes right back. And this has been a pattern, right? And she's starting to really show some growth. Hey, I'm learning to pause and think about how I want to respond so I don't make things worse, right? Could even leave the door open to things being better. And she was sharing that, and one of the other ladies in the group said to her, I just want to tell you the growth that I'm seeing in you. I think that you are calmer and you're thinking through things in a way that you weren't maybe a few weeks ago, and that's encouraging to me. And then just watching her light up, she needed that affirmed. Yeah. Like we make more progress when we have people noticing the progress that we're making. And we we all need an atta girl or an attaboy. Some clients don't believe me on that, right? They're like, spare me the awkward uh compliments, but we absolutely need that. Yeah. And we weren't made to do life alone. So I'm I'm really excited about the groups and and the progress that I'm seeing. And as we continue to develop the concept, yeah, I think it's I think it's really great.

SPEAKER_02 19:34

Who do you think that this coaching lab is for? If you were to say, like, this is the perfect person, if this is your situation, you're gonna get the most out of the coaching lab.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

Yeah, and it it's designed for a solo spouse. So um, of course, ultimately I would say I would love to see everyone in a couples workshop, but not everybody is there. Um, so I would say if your spouse is not yet at the point that they want to do the work, this is absolutely for you. Um, there's also some clients that I'm seeing well served by it that, you know, maybe they actually are scheduled to go to a couple's workshop with their spouse, but their spouse just isn't as invested, for whatever reason, isn't quite on board to do all of the learning and the the extra work and that type of thing. That's okay too. This that that type of client seems to be well served by the coaching lab because you you can focus on yourself and do the learning yourself, and that's gonna help you downstream. So uh it's a solo spouse program, but I would say anybody who really wants to dig in and do some do some learning, uh, I think it would be a great next step. Yeah, awesome.

SPEAKER_02 20:44

We are opening the doors for the next cohort of the coaching lab right here in the next couple of weeks, and it's going to be starting on August 3rd. And so it's limited in the number of spaces that we're able to do because there are coaches like Meredith that are, and it's limited in size for a very particular reason because you want people to get enough attention in those groups. You don't you want everyone to feel seen and heard in that time that you have together. It runs for eight weeks. You get the live teaching every week and the recordings, plus your your small group led by a coach. So get in now. We have early bird pricing, $597 for the eight weeks with early bird pricing. There's the link in the description below, so you can go ahead and click that and secure your spot for the next round of the coaching lab.

Psalm 23 As Safety And Trust

SPEAKER_02 21:31

In today's segment of study scripture with me, we are going to be covering Psalm 23. This is probably one of the most well known passages of the entire Bible. It's used in so many different places around the world for different circumstances. A lot at funerals, a lot of, you know, things people sell, throw pillows, things like that, things that you put on the wall, all have Psalm 23 on it. But a couple of years. Ago, I went to Israel and I actually got to experience the terrain of the area that this psalm would have been written about and understand a bit more about the sheep, about the terrain, and about shepherds in that time, which I feel like makes this psalm come even more to life. So we're going to go through the psalm first, and then I'm going to explain some of the deeper meanings about it. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in the right paths for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord my whole life long. This is such a comforting psalm. But at the very beginning, we need to understand something about sheep to understand the real impact of this psalm. So one thing that's true of sheep is number one, they're stupid. They will do their own thing and not realize that it's bad for them. But another thing about sheep is you can't actually make them do anything. Sheep don't lay down because you make them. Sheep actually have to feel incredibly safe in order for them to want to lay down. So even at the very beginning of this, the first verse, the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. In order for a sheep to be able to feel safe, that means that they have a good shepherd, one who makes them feel safe, which then leads to the first one or the second verse. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He doesn't make them. The fact that they feel so safe leads them to want to lay down. They feel safe enough to rest. They feel safe enough to allow their shepherd to take full care of them. This is mimicked in a lot of other psalms. In Psalm 3, in Psalm 3, verse 5, it says, I lie down and sleep, I wake again, for the Lord sustains me. I am not afraid of 10,000 people who have set themselves all around me. Even here, like I lay down and sleep and I wake because the Lord sustains me. I'm safe as I sleep because the Lord is looking after me. That's the same kind of verbiage that we see mimicked here in Psalm 23. He leads me beside still waters and he restores my soul. The other word that it can be used there is life. He restores my life. The Lord, because of the fact we can trust him, because of the fact that he is a good shepherd, we are invited and can feel safe to do these things. Now there's something interesting about the terrain in Israel. I think a lot of times, I know me before I went there and really understood what it was like, I would think of these green pastures as being like, you know, very level, very lush, very green. But that's not the way that it actually looks in Israel. Israel actually has a lot of hills, and it's not green like the hills of Tennessee. For those of you who may understand what Tennessee or any of the southeast looks like, or even other areas of America that's very lush, very green, has a lot of vegetation around it. No, a lot of Israel is still mostly in a desert, but there are patches of green that come up. There are these cliffs, like little crevices that are cliffs that are that go all the way around the hills. And that's actually what the sheep have to walk on. It's not safe, it's not stable. At any moment they could slip and fall. That's why they have to have a good shepherd who is walking them. It's not plain, it's not level, it's not just wide open areas, the majority of the places. It's actually very difficult to walk through. But a shepherd knows the right way to go. A shepherd knows the way that the sheep are going to be the safest, that their feet are not going to fall, that they are going to be stable. He leads me in the right paths. That's what it means, or that's the mental image that we can have when it says that he leads me in the right paths, paths of righteousness, maybe your version says, for his namesake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley or the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me. It is these rods and these staffs that the shepherds would use to keep the sheep safe, from predators mostly, to make sure that all of the sheep knew the way to go, to keep all of them together, and to ward off any of the enemies that may be trying to come to the sheep. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. Now, this is where the psalm kind of begins to take a shift. It's not just talking about a sheep with his shepherd anymore. And we began to see that shift happen in verse in verses four or in verse four. But here, I mean, sheep aren't really going to sit at a table in the presence of their enemies. It's more so beginning for us to understand that we are the sheep and God is our shepherd. But even more than that, this psalm is really beginning to I wouldn't say the word mimic, but this is a psalm of trust. The notes in my Bible say this is a psalm of trust in the divine shepherd who leads his people in a new Exodus. What happened in the first Exodus? Well, the people were slaves. The Israelites were slaves, and they were slaves for hundreds and hundreds of years under Pharaoh, who was putting them under insane amounts of labor and oppression, taking from them, was trying to snuff them out under his thumb, basically. But then God made a way out. Moses was the leader at that time who made the way out. There was the parting of the Red Sea, and the people were able to ultimately come to freedom, but we're still not totally free. Because ultimately freedom comes through what Jesus did for us on the cross. And what this psalm is saying is he's going to lead his people in a new exodus from danger to security. From all of the things in this world where the enemy prowls like a roaring lion, seeking who he may devour, we are still in danger, but to security. God is leading us to that security. In all of this, God is providing his people with the things that they need, with protection, with safety, with food, and with drink. And we also see in verse five, this mental picture, this image that I think is my favorite part of the whole psalm. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. I think about my life and a lot of the people who have hurt me, or the people that I haven't felt safe around, and or the people who maybe just are my enemies, who don't want the best for me. And maybe not just me as a person, but maybe for Christians as a whole. And I picture this huge table where these people will one day be invited and hopefully where reconciliation will happen and where everyone is safe, where I won't have to worry about being at that table because God is there. And because God is providing this opportunity for mass reconciliation among so many areas of life, among, I mean, for forgiveness to happen at a scale unlike anything we can imagine. And for there, for it to be safe for us to be there, not just physically safe, but emotionally safe. There's probably some people in your life who have hurt you emotionally. And the thought of sitting at a table with them is painful. It's something you don't want to do. You want to say, I can for, I want to forgive this person, but I don't want to have to be in a relationship with that person. And I think this side of heaven, that's a boundary that many of us need to have. But I look forward to a day when we're going to be able to sit around a table with people that we have wronged and people who have wronged us. And for all of those things that this side of heaven were so hurtful for there to be full reconciliation on that side of heaven. That's the picture that I see here that I just can't wait to experience one day. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me. Surely goodness, maybe your Bible says kindness, shall follow me because that's what God leads with. It is not curses, it is not punishment, but it is his goodness and his blessings, his covenant blessings that follow us all the days of our life. And we shall dwell in the house of the Lord my whole life long. There's another psalm. I can't remember which one it is right now, but it says, I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of God than to be anywhere else. And that's another thing I think of when I read this. I just look forward to dwelling in the house of God. I don't care where I am in the house. I just want to be there my whole life long, this side of heaven, but also for eternity on the other side of heaven. So I hope that that a little bit of a deeper dive into Psalm 23 at least places it into a different light for you, where it's not a psalm that we just all know and we forget the deeper meaning of it, but we really see how this is a picture of how God's heart is to restore all things and to make them right. He is here with us now, protecting and guiding us, but ultimately and the ultimate security and the ultimate reconciliation in all of our relationships will come when we are with him in heaven.

Burpees Hot Seat Marriage Myths

SPEAKER_00 32:50

Okay, on today's segment of the hot seat, we're doing something different again. Last week we did Hot Wings. This week we're doing Dr. Kimberly's favorite thing, which is burpees. She's gonna be doing burpees while answering questions. So, how this is gonna go, she's gonna do 30 burpees. She's gonna answer 30!

SPEAKER_02 33:12

You said it was gonna be 20!

SPEAKER_00 33:13

I did not say that.

SPEAKER_02 33:14

30.

SPEAKER_00 33:15

Intern Lenny said 20. I said 30. So, 30 burpees. She's gonna answer, try and answer as many questions as she can while doing 30 burpees. Are you ready? But it's over when I hit 30 burpees. It's over when you hit 30 burpees. You ready?

SPEAKER_02 33:36

Ready.

SPEAKER_00 33:37

What is the first thing you can do when someone is in a struggling marriage?

SPEAKER_02 33:40

Uh, the first thing you need to do is calm down. Uh who's counting? Are you counting? I'm at four.

SPEAKER_00 33:47

Okay. Uh what is one myth about, quote, keeping the spark alive that just is not true.

SPEAKER_02 33:53

Crap. Uh what is one myth about keeping the spark alive that just isn't true? That it's about looks. It's not about looks. It's also about how you feel about the person and how they treat you emotionally. How many am I on?

SPEAKER_00 34:12

If you could go back and warn newlyweds about one thing that you didn't know, what would it be?

SPEAKER_02 34:18

Uh, the first year of your marriage is probably not gonna be a honeymoon.

SPEAKER_00 34:22

So don't expect it to be. Which is harder? Forgiving or being forgiven?

SPEAKER_02 34:26

Forgiving for me.

SPEAKER_00 34:28

Uh, what is the hardest letter in the pies to keep alive? P-I-E-R-S.

SPEAKER_02 34:32

E.

SPEAKER_00 34:33

Should you fix the fight tonight or sleep on it?

SPEAKER_02 34:36

Sleep on it.

SPEAKER_00 34:37

Should you sh should What am I at?

SPEAKER_02 34:41

I'm only at 20!

SPEAKER_00 34:44

What is a green flag in marriage that people don't talk about enough?

SPEAKER_02 34:47

A green flag?

SPEAKER_00 34:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:50

When you're when you and your husband or you and your wife can just be together without talking, and that's and that feels normal.

SPEAKER_00 34:58

What is one thing someone can do spiritually to become more attractive to their spouse?

SPEAKER_02 35:02

Become more attractive or attractive?

SPEAKER_00 35:04

Attractive.

SPEAKER_02 35:09

What's the question?

SPEAKER_00 35:12

What is one thing someone could do spiritually to become more attractive to their spouse?

SPEAKER_02 35:17

Read their Bible, pray every day. And you go, go, go. What are we at?

SPEAKER_00 35:26

Last question. What is what is your and your husband's favorite date?

SPEAKER_02 35:29

Oh. Trying out a new restaurant.

SPEAKER_00 35:33

And that's 30. Okay, so here's the deal. Clearly, that was not 30 burpees. Was that her fault? Was it our counter's fault? Was it my fault? That's for you to decide. Here's what I do know. This is the

Closing Requests And Next Steps

SPEAKER_00 35:48

end of this episode of the Dr. Kimberly Beam Home Show. If you enjoyed it, leave a like, leave a comment, let us know what you thought. Uh, if you have any ideas for the name of the question segment, please, please give us some ideas. We cannot keep dynamic dialogue with Dr. Kimberly. It's too bad. I cannot believe that that was my idea. Please, someone come up with something better. Please. As a reminder, if you want to ask or submit questions, head on over to Instagram, to Dr. Kimberly's Instagram, uh, message her the word pies, and you can submit your questions there. Send this to someone who might enjoy it. And until next week, remember stay strong.

SPEAKER_02 36:26

You all are seeing the segment separately. I just ate those hot wings.

SPEAKER_00 36:34

About ten minutes ago, yeah.