The DiSC Profile Explained with Dr. Joe Beam

In the last episode of 2021 and our personality series, Kimberly talks with Dr. Joe Beam about the DiSC profile. Dr. Beam explains each quadrant of DiSC and how you can use your profile to understand others better and have better relationships.

You will learn the importance of understanding your spouse's DiSC personality so you can speak their language and vice versa. When you know about your spouse and know how they are wired, it helps make the marriage or relationship stronger.

Dr. Beam says it doesn't mean you give up who you are. It just means if you want success in a relationship, whether it's romantic, parental work, anything, you learn how to speak people's language.

Share this episode with your friends and family and stay tuned to what's coming for 2022!


Today's Speaker: Dr. Joe Beam 

Dr. Beam is an internationally known and respected sexologist and authority on love, marriage, and sex. He received his Ph.D. from the University of Sydney. He is the founder and chair of Marriage Helper based in Tennessee, just south of Nashville.

He has designed and developed courses, workshops, and seminars to help troubled marriages for over two decades. He has been seen on national media and spoken to countless couples through live seminars, dedicated radio programs, and books. 

Website: www.MarriageHelper.com
YouTube: Marriage Helper
Podcast: Marriage Helper Live
Books: The Art of Falling in Love

You'll Learn

• What the DiSC assessment is and how it is used at Marriage Helper
• About the four quadrants of the DiSC profile and how to read people. 
• How to have better relationships using your DiSC and understanding others. 

Episode 82: Dr. Joe Beam, Ph.D. 

Your Host: Kimberly Beam Holmes, Expert in Self-Improvement and Relationships


Kimberly Beam Holmes has applied her master's degree in psychology for over ten years, acting as the CEO of Marriage Helper & CEO and Creator of PIES University, being a wife and mother herself, and researching how attraction affects relationships. Her videos, podcasts, and following reach over 500,000 people a month who are making changes and becoming the best they can be.

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Transcript

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 0:00

In today's podcast episode, we are continuing the series on personality assessments. We have gone through some of the more common ones and really dived into what do they mean what what is it? What do they measure? are they valid, and today we are talking about one of the most common ones. And my favorite one, the DISC profile, D, I S. C, it's used all around the world. It's very highly validated. And I have asked my father and Dr. Joe beam to join me on today's episode to talk about this one, because he has been using disc for how many years? 139 139 years?

Dr. Joe Beam: 0:45

I've been using it since back in the 1990s. Yeah.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 0:49

And we use it at marriage helper with a lot of the couples that we work with, especially in our workshops. And so I wanted to invite him on for us to have a discussion about what is disc? And how can it help us in our relationships. physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. These are the four areas of attraction, or as insiders like to call it, the PI's join me, Kimberly beam Holmes as we speak with other experts around the world, on how to become the most attractive that you can be, create confidence and find happiness. We will teach you how it starts with attraction. And it starts now. People ask me all the time, Kimberly, which area of my pies? Should I focus on first? And the answer to that question is the one where you need to see the most growth. That is why I have created an attraction assessment. This free assessment is designed to help you learn what areas of attraction you should be working and focusing on. First, this will be the foundation of your journey to becoming a more attractive person, to your spouse, to your friends and family. But most of all, to yourself, click the link in the show notes to take the free assessment today.

Dr. Joe Beam: 2:13

So just in basic general understanding is based on a book written back in the 1950s by Gavin Marston, Marshall wrote a book called the emotions of normal people. Because back in the 1950s, they still thought some people were normal. Everybody, so they look different. And so he came across some pretty good things. And he they said on a model that's been around since 300 BC. And so it's very old. And of course, because of that some people see it as being way too simple. And it did, indeed is a simple grab. But when we do it just since you mentioned some of the others, when you do the research on it, the statistics I should say, and which I have it, but I have read the statistics, it correlates very nicely with the Myers Briggs, they correlate well together. And that this measure is basically two different things. And from those two things, you can get an idea about behavior. So technically, it's not a personality profiling, people call it that, but technically as a behavior profile, how are you more likely to act, therefore, he does situationally differentiated, meaning that you may act this way, in this situation, you may act that way in that situation. And they have been able to figure out through algorithms, how to put the characteristics together to predict even that, that appear with stress, you're probably going to react that way, if you're not under stress, you're probably going to act this way. Oh, and by the way, that's how other people think you are. And in therefore, since it's not a complex psychological model, it's not like the MMPI, the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory, which is hundreds and hundreds of questions that you can actually check for things such as a paranoia in different mental situations. This pure and simple is a behavioral profile. That's very accurate, very accurate. And when we use it, that's what we use it for. If your spouse acts like this, you know says this, does this, etc, then then understand from this profile, that's probably why it's happening. If you act like this, then understand from your profile. This is like it was happening. Therefore it's very, very valid to use because it's simple to understand, and attempting to measure emotional distress and psychological disorders. It's a measure that measure but predict behavior.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 4:38

Mm hmm. Would you also say that it helps people understand motivation.

Dr. Joe Beam: 4:46

To some degree, yes. I don't know that motivation is ever 100% pure emotions. Typically, my motivations are kind of mixed up like that because I really want to help people. But part of my motivation is the fact that I like Getting the accolades back from doing it. emotions and motivations typically are not just pure. Now they can be, if you saw your son arrow about to be bitten by a rattlesnake, you'd run out attack that snake, and your motivation would be absolutely pure. But most of the time they're mixed up. And so it can help you at least understand the framework that they're coming from, which in a sense, helps you understand the motivation as to why they do it. And so we'll get to in a minute, but a person who is very detailed and logical and analytical, they're going to approach things that way, well, what is their motivation for it? We could get very complicated and trying to understand that, but part of it is because this is how I do things. This is the schema by which I live my, the way I filter life.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 5:48

Hmm. So let's get into it. I love the way that you use this when you talk about disc to help people understand how it works and where they could fall. So how do how can you quickly assess where someone is on a DISC profile?

Dr. Joe Beam: 6:04

Okay. I was working with an organization back in the early 90s, who actually was training Chevrolet salespeople, how to read you on the disk thing when you walked on the lot? No, no profiles, oh, tests just watching you. Okay. And basically, it measures on two different things. And remember, this model began back at around 300 BC, modified by Morrison in the 1950s, and modified since then, about people who do tons of research on it. But basically, it's simple enough that you can do by observation, most what you need to do. And so we would teach those salespeople, and again, it was a different organization I worked for, are they fast paced or slow pace? And what we mean by that is that they tend to respond quickly without thinking too much? Or do they stand to process? Before they answer? It's not a sign of intelligence, it's yours. Some people are faster, and some people are slower, and how they respond to things. And then the other one is, are they people who are warm and friendly, and therefore easy to get to know? Or are they a little bit distant or a little bit cool, a little bit standoffish? Now, from that four quadrant model, we could teach as matter of fact, I personally taught a bunch of Realtors on that. If you plan and just pay attention to that, you're going to get a theory as to which of the four quadrants that person is in. And then there's some other things you can look forward to verify that you have read it correctly. But you can do it pretty quickly. I've done it sitting on an airplane to the person sitting next to me. It's it's not that hard to do. Now, again, it's not a deep psychological analysis. It's just understanding of behavior pattern.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 7:46

Sure. So when you do it, it comes to two lines, right? So you're assessing the quickness of processing fast paced, slow paced, and then the what would you how would you title it?

Dr. Joe Beam: 7:59

Probably. But we'd make a four quadrant. So like, maybe up here would be cool. Down here would be warm, over here would be fast, and over here would be slow? No. Because I'm doing that into the camera, I'm probably doing exactly wrong. of the quadrants. And so if a person is cool, and faster paced, they probably go in this quadrant. They're warm and faster pace than they probably go into this quadrant. Now, I'm drawing that all wrong here in the air. But but that's the way it works. And so typically, that's what I do when I'm reading people, is this person fast paced or slow paced? And is this person warm or cool. And then that gives me a theory as to which quadrant they're in. And, and those letters, the s, see, each refers to a particular quadrant. Now we've actually given names to them, other than the ISC, because it helps us to, to understand by having our own names, oh, that's what that means.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 8:59

Mm hmm. So the let's start with the the way that it's written. So disk, so the D in disk stands for dominant, and we'll get to our name for it in a minute. But that dominant falls into the corner, and fast paced,

Dr. Joe Beam: 9:18

cooling fast, they don't take much time to make a decision. If the decision is wrong, it doesn't blow them away. It's like, that was wrong. I'll fix it. Let's do it this way. So they tend to be a little cooler and standoffish, okay, but very fast and making decisions. And so we actually call that person a commander. Because they can make decisions, they can bark orders, and therefore they do if you want to get the motivation, they tend to be people who like to be in control.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 9:48

And that's just how they're wired. So the negatives of this is some people could look at them and say they're jerks, or they only care about power, or a lot of people are looking at these people and saying They're narcissists.

Dr. Joe Beam: 10:02

Goodness, yes. You've done some really good work on that, that some in various places for us, where you can tell them where they can find some of your videos about that. But yeah, now he's gotten to where any person that has an ego at all is considered to be a narcissist, which is so bad, narcissistic personality disorder exists in about 1% of the American population. And yet, what we hear from my clients is approximately 70%. Are all diagnosing everybody that way?

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 10:34

Yeah, well, not to get off on this. But one of the other big personality tests, the Big Five, narcissism is part of it, like it's so common in people to the level of which narcissism is in because it's a focus on self. But it's not always to an unhealthy degree anyway, we won't get off on that. But so the bottom line of it is, commanders can make cool and distant they are they process extremely fast. And they might leave in the wake of their fast decisions, they might leave collateral damage. They're not really looking back and trying to fix it. They're just continuing to drive forward and trying to get things done. Yeah,

Dr. Joe Beam: 11:16

yeah, one of our friends, friends, uh, you and me, had to actually said to me one time, his name's Jeff, you know, Jeff, Jeff, said, I've never taken more than 10 seconds to make decision anytime in my life. That's true, you'll make a decision that fast. And you're right, sometimes it leaves some damage on the weak because people don't know how to react to that. And sometimes your decisions when you make that fast or wrong, but, but it's the way he operates. And that's how he has built a tremendous organization, a company that is is, is by being that kind of leader.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 11:49

Hmm. So let's move to the next one, which is the AI, which is the warm and friendly but still fast processor.

Dr. Joe Beam: 12:01

Yeah, I think the AI in the actual distance or influencer, we call that person that communicator. So the high D, we call a commander, and that kind of helps us understand that's what this person is going to do. They're going to Command and the high the communicator. And the influence are, these are people who love people. And just love being around people, they tend to have great vocabularies, and they tend to be able to communicate extremely well. Because they're such people, people, and they love to talk. Now they can have a pretty strong ego as well, where the D, the commander would like, Okay, this is going to be done. I don't care. If you don't like it, it's the right thing to do. Let's go. The communicator is more like, I know the right thing to do. I've got a strong ego because I love people liking me, I want everybody to like me. But in that sense, maybe I won't push what I'm thinking because maybe you won't like me. The DEA will say we're gonna do it, no matter what you think I would go? How many people do I hurt if I do that many people won't want me if I do that. But they tend to be very fast paced in a conversation with them. Sometimes you don't have to say a word.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 13:09

Right. And they can also tend to be more spontaneous people, messy people.

Dr. Joe Beam: 13:15

It's pretty well known that communicators high communicators tend not to be very neat people. Because there are other things that are so much more interesting. Okay, I could straighten up my office. But wait a minute, let me get Johnny a call. I haven't talked to Johnny all day today. That kind of thing? Or, oh, no, I should clean the house. But you know what, I think I'll run the target instead. Because there's all kinds of people over there and I can shop and do things and talk to people Yeah, etc, etc. So they tend to be very neat.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 13:44

Yeah. Love with being the life of the party, that kind of person. Now, you said these are people people. The s though, which is the one that we're about to get into these people love people too. But the the motivation behind it is a little bit different. So the s and the disc stands for steady. These are people who are still warm and friendly, but slower processing, what are some of the attributes that they have?

Dr. Joe Beam: 14:11

Well, like the eye of the communicator needs like constant stimulation, I can do the same thing over and over again, without getting bored silly as the Completer. We call that person because they can complete a project. What I mean by that is that they can do the same thing all day long, eight hours a day for 20 years. On this widget at the factory, I'm okay, I can do them. I don't have to have new stimulation. But you're right. They are very warm. They were friendly. They really really care about people. But sometimes it would be categorized as introverts, or sometimes just shy. I mean, they're not going to get in front of the whole group and start leading a group song and karaoke unless they're drunk. Do that. They tend to like to be in the background. They don't Do things that call attention to themselves. They're the kind of person that I'm thinking of one right now that you know, Greg, who if one of his employees had been hurt on the job and couldn't work for a couple of weeks, Greg would drive to their house I've been with him when he would do it. And and never say word to me, just get out of the truck woke up, we're knocking on the door, the person would come to the door in a bathrobe because they'd been hurry, you know. And then I would see Greg shake hands with him. And I can see the flash of green$100 $1,000 That, that he didn't have to get that person but at the same time, he didn't want anybody to know that he did it. It's like, I don't need the accolades, care. I want to help. But don't tell anybody I did this.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 15:41

Huh? Which is different from the eye, for sure. But also the D, both of those on the more fast paced want recognition, want to be seen or known for what they do, they probably aren't considered humble.

Dr. Joe Beam: 15:58

Probably not, although they actually may be. And that says what I mean is, the humility they have is the fact that they really don't think of themselves higher than they are they, but they have such a need for approval. That even though at heart, they really are humble people, the way they come across sometimes is like they just arrogant. And that, you know, you have to have you paying attention to me. So yes, they do want in the a lot of accolades, they really do have affirmations, if you will. But even then they may not be with the alleged narcissist, it's about I need approval, so I can have confidence in me, they'll come across, sometimes on a brassy way that turns people off.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 16:42

Mm hmm. So that so the s the warm and friendly, but slower paced, these are also people who tend to be very family oriented, loves security, all of those types of things,

Dr. Joe Beam: 16:56

you typically you're not going to see a Completer in a casino. Unless, again, $10. And that's all we spend, because they really don't want to lose security, they want to feel secure. And family is super important. But here's another thing, because loyalty is such a big deal to them. If you violate that, if you're disloyal to them, they have a hard time getting over that. Everyone want to do anything with you again, because loyalty is such a high premium for the Completer. That when you're disloyal to them. It's a major, major, major deal. Mm hmm.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 17:34

And let's end with this. See,

Dr. Joe Beam: 17:37

that's what I call the Calculate door. So that that slow pace, but also cool and distant? They tend to be the analyzers, let me think everything through if you're giving them information, it's like, where do you get that information from? Why should I believe that to be true? And is it just that one piece of information? Or do you have others? And where can I go to verify this? And so sometimes people see them as very untrusting. But what it is, is they have to have everything that makes sense, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, because you're so logical, and so analytical, and therefore, you may be talking to them, and you're, in fact, a communicator, and I is interacting with the sea, either the sea will be sitting there thinking, Would you just shut up? So I can ask you a question. Because I lack the communicator likes to talk, or the communicator will say something in the sea will say, Where's the documentation for that to be true. And so calculators, the seas tend to see eyes as flakes. Whereas eyes tend to see sees as Fuddy duddies on your fun. I mean, I can't let's just have Let's live a little bit here.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 18:51

So how do we look at this and start to say, okay, we can get an idea. Even for people who may be new to disk, they have some kind of an idea of where they might fall. Of course, we aren't just one of these, many of us have a combination of two of these that were high in and maybe two of these that were low in that help us round us out as a person. But we you have to take an assessment to see that we can't help you necessarily with that. But you can start to get an idea of Oh, yeah, I'm way more like that. And way less like, right, what one of these other things you talked about.

Dr. Joe Beam: 19:26

Otherwise, the algorithms and the computer can be much more accurate. But you're right, we can get a general idea. And all of us have a little bit of all for what like you said, we're looking for what's predominant what really stick?

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 19:41

Mm hmm. So how do we and and on top of that, we can probably also start to assess some of the people that were close to so many people might be hearing it and thinking, Oh, that's my wife or Oh, that's my husband or my best friend or my mom or my dad. So how do these start? You mentioned some of them, but how do they start to work together? How can we really start to? And we can't get into all the specifics of it on just this episode, but what are just some key things that each of these could keep in mind when communicating with those that are different than them?

Dr. Joe Beam: 20:15

Okay, well, I've tend to be a D, a commander, when I'm stressed, I tend to be more of an ag communicator, when I'm not stressed. Your mother, my wife, Alice, is an s period. Well, actually, she's an SI. Okay. And so she's the Completer, who's also communicator. So when she's in communicator mode, and I'm a communicator mode, we get along great, we laugh and have a great time have all kinds of fun. But quality would come when she's in that s that Completer mode, which is the one she's more normally in, and I get stressed. And I go into that D commander mode, because I'm going to be sharp, let's get it done. Let's like that. And she's needs time that completers like, let's just take it easy. Let me think this through, let's be careful, like kind of stuff. And so it's really easy for a D, a commander to hurt the feelings of an S, who is a leader, because it's like, the Completer feels like she or he is being run over by the knee. But it can be frustrating the other way around as well. Because the commander, if let's say it's a married couple, the commander's wanting to make decisions and do things in the ESA saying we need to think about this, we, we need to pray about it. I don't think I can do that right now. But look, here's is the right thing to do, let's go. And that computer's going. I don't know if I can see that. Or completers. Everything in life relates to everything else. With these commanders. Like there's a series of events which are not necessarily connected. So at least like that's over, this is going but they so everything's tied together. And so the Completer in this case, your mother is going to tell me when I'm in commander, mode D, about something that happened today. But everything for her ties together. So she starts with first, the Earth cooled is giving me all these details. When I'm going II know you and your husband, Rob, you are a commander. And your husband, Rob is primarily a calculator a C logic on a nickel, that kind of stuff. And so it's interesting to what you guys disagree, because when you disagree, it's going to be pretty firm. That's right. That's what this he says this is the right thing to do. But this is what we need to do. That's the D. And so they can really go in any shutter. But if they both respect each other, it still works out. Because your commander, we used to tell you when you are small, you need to marry a strong guy, otherwise, you're going to run over him, and you're going to lose respect for him. As a matter of fact, when you were a teenager, we hear when you were about to dump a boyfriend because he'd be carrying your purse. stick that down. So that one's done. He has already taken command of him, she's gonna lose respect for him. He's gone. And so we used to tell you, you might remember, I remember marry somebody who has a strong personality who can even out to you know, you'll disagree more than some other couples. But you also work things out. And so if to complete are watching you disagree that we thinking, oh my goodness, what's happening? Where you guys later would say? What did you think something was wrong? We were just having our discussion. Right. vehemently.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 23:35

Pitching both of our points.

Dr. Joe Beam: 23:37

Exactly. Missing this one.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 23:40

That's right. You should see us play Monopoly though it is world war three.

Dr. Joe Beam: 23:47

Well, since you're like the most that way, this little D commander right here when she's not little anymore, but when she was like three or four, something like that. I don't know how to swim. I'm a terrible swimmer. I maybe can swim 10 feet before I sink. Well, actually, I'm bad enough now I'd probably still float but I'm a terrible swimmer. And so how am I going to teach my daughter how to swim we put a pool in the backyard. I told her how to swim because she's so competitive that little command or D how we throw things to the bottom of the deep end of the pool. Each one had various points. And then we would both go after them to see who would win. Hmm. So competitive. She taught herself how to swim by going into the deep water to get those things to defeat me

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 24:28

to win. Not to mention that you would pay me to foul out in basketball games. You keep forgetting this. You didn't think I was being aggressive enough? Because I wasn't so you'd pay me $1 Every time

Dr. Joe Beam: 24:45

I don't think that was me. I'm thinking you're thinking

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 24:51

absolutely

Dr. Joe Beam: 24:52

out but when you fell that would give you a dog out of the game. I just wanted you to play more aggressively. That's right. You wanted me to Get the ball because it was not your nature in basketball. And my guess is because of the fact that you didn't feel secure in that sport yet. Yeah. If you had, you would have been paying me a buck every time you might have felt.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 25:13

Yeah. Well, that's the reason I don't play basketball today. But all right, so SS DS, the typically the ones that are most distant like the eyes and C's, which you gave the, the examples of earlier, the DS, and SS, those can be some of the more difficult ones, because everything about them is different the way they process and their temperament towards others is polar opposites. Can be and so but do you typically see like in our workshops, right, when we're able to see the disc profiles, how often are people married to their opposite,

Dr. Joe Beam: 25:54

the majority of the time, the majority of the time they're married are opposites. So the D is opposite to the s and the i's opposite to the C, it's pretty rare for us to find two people who are the same. So let's say for example, we have two S's, two completers. Now, they, they tend to avoid confrontation, because they just don't want trouble. They want security. And I remember we were going through talking about conflict and one of our workshops and there was a couple there, both of them hi as completers. And they begin to realize that they avoided conflict all the time, which is what led them to us and marital distress. They never know where their issues is built up, built up, built up, built up, built up. And so we were trying to teach them, don't let it build up. We know how you're doing it because you're a Completer your ass, but you need to deal with this conflict. So it doesn't build up because these problems, they asked me how much I would charge them to come to their house once a month and get them into a fight. I can't do that. But you understand that even if you're this very same temperament, there's still weaknesses that go with it too high communicators love life tend not to be detailed. Somebody better be checking it, checking account, those kinds of things, because they're likely not to do that if they're both high communicators, because they're too busy and going out enjoying life. And some things can fall between the cracks.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 27:17

So what about when you're no when you know what you are? So knowing that I can be a high D High Commander first? How should I think of that, when I am communicating with others do is it one of those things where I say this is how I am deal with it? Or is it one of those things where I need to be aware and change my communication, in order for other people to hear it better?

Dr. Joe Beam: 27:47

Let's put it this way. You can say to people, that's just the way I am. And what's gonna happen is if you're a high D commander, always making decisions, marking out orders, those kinds of things, that you're going to have fewer and fewer close friends. But feel negated. Like that, you know, you're more concerned with the task than you are with me. But think about the people in life who have become the most successful in working, particularly people are involved. They did this major company many, many years ago now. And they were actually having the workers do the DIC profile on their supervisors. And supervisors that were having the best productivity from their teams, the supervisors were the teams just love the supervisor. Almost every person on their team thought that the supervisor was the same thing they were Wow. Because he or she had learned how to speak their language their way. And so to the highest he can come calculator, the supervisor would be very detailed, analytical thorough, where the Heidi commander is like, tell me what you think I want to hear for what about this? Have you thought about that? Okay, let's make a decision and go to the hack communicator, they had to make a little bit more time. Okay, we have to have five minutes where they tell me about fishing last week before we get down to this issue, because they loved it until they asked, it's about loyalty. You know, I appreciate the fact that you are here that you do such a good job. Thank you for that. And so they learn how to speak each person's language and the best marriages you don't lose who you are, what you learn how to speak your your spouse's language. Second, we did with you and your sister, Joanna. Joanna is an S communicator, complainer, back then you were a DI you have changed a little bit as you've gotten older. And so we actually parenting each of you very differently, very differently. Based on the fact that that's an eye is very sensitive. If I just looked at her wrong, it's like what did I do? But with you it had to be okay, so if we're playing games, how would let joy in and win she'd feel good about herself. Never leave. Because you're that little D, that commander, if I let you in and you figured it out, you'd lose respect for me.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 30:09

Yeah. When I needed the competition, I'm sorry, I needed the competition.

Dr. Joe Beam: 30:13

Exactly. And so you deal with each child by speaking his or her language. That doesn't mean you give up who you are. It just means if you really want success in a relationship, whether it's romantic, parental work, anything, you learn how to speak people's language.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 30:32

Hmm. And so a lot of the times when people will, this is what I love. A lot of times in our workshop, watching the people who just really felt like they either married the wrong person, or their spouse was a complete jerk, I have so much insight after going through this disc portion that we did, which we only touched the surface of here. But did they just have a refreshed vision into it's not the my spouse is bad or wrong or a jerk. They're just different than I am. And the insight that that brings into understanding each other is so crucial.

Dr. Joe Beam: 31:10

Yeah, I do remember one couple vividly. In one of our workshops were that he was the high C calculator. She was not accurate indicator of Saturday night about workshops, she just poured out her heart to him when a family restaurant here in Nashville, Tennessee, and because he's a calculator to see he's a processor. So we're responding to her emotional outpouring. He was he was processing, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, which she read as you don't even care. But they had a major explosion. And after we explain this to the most like, Oh, would you change that whole situation? If the communicator and said I'm going to pull out my heart? I know your processor? Would you at least let me know that you heard it? And we'll talk about an FTO process. You say everything? Or if the if the process or the calculator has said the communicator? Thank you for pulling out your heart. But I need some time to process. I did hear you we will talk about it. It was a great evening. So the other person's language is a big deal.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 32:06

Big deal. A big deal. Well, what is a final key takeaway you would give to our listeners when it comes to the disc?

Dr. Joe Beam: 32:15

Don't think that the person that you're interacting with husband, wife, child, whatever, parent, coworker, don't think the other person thinks like you think? Because as long as you think they're thinking like you think you're going to be frustrated trying to get them to see your point? Or do it your way or whatever, read them? Are they fast or slow? Are they cool or warm? From that quadrant figure out, okay, this is what this person probably is. And of course, there's a lot more to it. Like Kimberly said, We don't have time to process here, and then try to speak their language. Kimberly, in my book, The Art of falling in love has a chapter about this. Now, it's not the be all end all. It's not going to give you all the information you want. But there is a chapter I think is chapter six in the art of falling in love, if you want to go online and get that you can get it on Amazon, etc. Oh, and by the way, you'll make me rich. If you do that. You bought off Amazon, I get about $1. So if I can just sell three more, by the God.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 33:17

We're trying to do three more to do is

Dr. Joe Beam: 33:19

get three more bucks to buy the odd. So you can find out about those things in that book a little bit there. And of course in the workshop, we go to it and we actually test them in the workshop.

Kimberly Beam Holmes: 33:28

Mm hmm. Yes. Yes, we will have the links for all of that in the show notes to where people can buy the art of falling in love. But also where if any of you who are listening, who are married and thinking you know what we need help to get better to communicate better. This sounds like something then this is just one part of our three day marriage helper couples turnaround weekend that will absolutely transform your marriage and the way that you can communicate with each other. And so we'll include a link there where you can download the workshop brochure and learn more about that as well. I highly recommend every single married couple attend that workshop. It does not matter if you're in crisis or not make it a priority. Transformational. We'll see you again soon. friends I hope you enjoyed today's show. Remember to follow it starts with attraction anywhere you listen to podcast and leave us a review. The more positive reviews we get the more positive change we can make for relationships and for individuals around the world for shownotes updates and the opportunity to join our email list for encouraging weekly strategies for you to become the best that you can be in all areas of your pies. Go to pies university.com Again, that is pies university.com Keep working on your pies and always remember it starts with attraction If you could rate yourself on a one to 1010 being extremely confident, and one being confidence has fallen out the floor, you don't even know where it is you can't see it, you can't find it. What number would you be? If you didn't score a perfect 10. That doesn't mean that something is wrong with you. It just means that there are areas for improvement. Research suggests that like, attracts like, that's why I created the best self course a 30 day online course designed to help you completely reset everything you thought you knew about attraction, tell you the truth about what real attraction is help determine your goals and most of all, achieve them. Click the link to join the course. Now, it is guaranteed that if you go through this course and apply the principles that I will teach you, then you will see dramatic change in your competence levels in how you feel about yourself and how you show up in your relationships with other people and become the best version of yourself. This is not a quick fix. This is a sustainable long term self evaluation accompanied by an action plan to help you get back on track and live the life that you want. You work on yourself for you, when we work on our pies. It doesn't just help us become more attractive individuals. It helps us realize that we have work that we have value. And as a result, our confidence increases our self esteem goes up, we begin to actually believe in ourselves and realize that we have worth that is why I created this course to show you that you matter that you are valued, and that you can be doing things right now in your life to treat yourself that way, but also to show others that same sort of grace and kindness and confidence in your life. By completing this course, you will become more attractive to those around you have better relationships with friends and family. become a better person within your career and occupation, find purpose and fulfillment in your life, and so much more. This is not a diet. This is not a workout routine. This is not a trending fad. This is an action plan to bring real life change. Get the first lesson for FREE when you sign up today. Click the link below to join now